The Student Room Group

Advice pleaseee

So my dad isn’t on the scene and hasn’t been for over a year which often happens (I’m 15 btw) and I don’t want to see him but I want to tell him how I feel. Idk what to do cos if I did idk how to bring it up in general and don’t want to break my brothers heart anymore.Ive always expected this kind of behaviour from him but I feel like I need some closure. He isn’t a good person nor a good father but both my mum and brother have suggested I should do this but normally this happens and it ends in disaster. In addition to this when he comes back there are lots more arguments but I don’t want him to come back just to understand how I feel. Maybe send a birthday or Christmas card every once in a while. Problem is he and some of my other relatives like to emotionally hurt my brother and I since they know it’ll have a toll on my mum (solely because my mum is a very strong person mentally and quite successful therefore they are jealous and want to hurt her due to their selfishness). Idk what to do anymore. Normally when this topic comes up I feel really panicked and my heart begins to pound so I need advice. No one thinks that these circumstances affect me but they do. Tbh I just get told to feel sorry for me brother cos he has had it hard but so have I ( I don’t want to be selfish just some recognition yk)
Reply 1
Original post by IBella09
So my dad isn’t on the scene and hasn’t been for over a year which often happens (I’m 15 btw) and I don’t want to see him but I want to tell him how I feel. Idk what to do cos if I did idk how to bring it up in general and don’t want to break my brothers heart anymore.Ive always expected this kind of behaviour from him but I feel like I need some closure. He isn’t a good person nor a good father but both my mum and brother have suggested I should do this but normally this happens and it ends in disaster. In addition to this when he comes back there are lots more arguments but I don’t want him to come back just to understand how I feel. Maybe send a birthday or Christmas card every once in a while. Problem is he and some of my other relatives like to emotionally hurt my brother and I since they know it’ll have a toll on my mum (solely because my mum is a very strong person mentally and quite successful therefore they are jealous and want to hurt her due to their selfishness). Idk what to do anymore. Normally when this topic comes up I feel really panicked and my heart begins to pound so I need advice. No one thinks that these circumstances affect me but they do. Tbh I just get told to feel sorry for me brother cos he has had it hard but so have I ( I don’t want to be selfish just some recognition yk)

Have you talked to your mother about this? How is your relationship with her? Would she be able to help in getting such message through?

The urge to tell someone how you feel is a positive feeling and it’s completely normal. This is how you usually start conversations about difficult topics and solve issues. When the conversations stop, problems tend to happen (marriages fail, war breaks out and etc…).

I guess it comes down to the way you share your feelings. If you let your frustration get to the point where you start shouting angrily, you might throw words you don’t mean.

It’s best to share as early as possible in a calm manner, making sure you also listen and keep an open mind whatever the response of the other party might be.

I think a grown man should be able to listen to your feelings and understand if you tell them honestly. However, there are indeed unstable people out there. I guess you need to know (and probably know) which group your father belong to. Not everyone can listen, or talk about difficult feelings. If your father does not care, or don’t want to listen then it’s fine. You need to make sure that you understand it’s not your fault, you initiated the communication to resolve the issue, you tried.

To be honest this is just a general answer…. You’d probably have to share a bit more info but I would either talk to your mum to get help. Maybe a friend can help and listen to you, sometimes just sharing helps to get you more comfortable with feelings.
My mother and I have an okay relationship.

I won’t get angry, I just want to understand why. The trust is lost since he has promised to stay on multiple occasions and hasn’t. He has caused so many problems but a simple explanation would be great.

A grown man should be able to have a conversation especially with his daughter but unfortunately he is immature and walks out whenever he feels in the wrong and doesn’t make contact for years. Once he stopped talking for four years and my brother was the one that reached out.

I can talk to my friends but I’ve done that quite a bit and don’t want them to feel overwhelmed with my problems.

Thank you for the help! Have a good day!

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