The Student Room Group

I don’t know if I should tell my ex I’m pregnant

Hello,

I dated this guy 4 years ago and he was my first official boyfriend. I found out after we broke up that he was cheating on me with this girl he casually dated before I met him. I met the girl a few months after and we have been best friends ever since (she didn’t know about me either). I am now In a close friendship group with her and 2 other girls I met through her. A few weeks ago I saw my ex on a night out and we ended up sleeping together without protection and now I have missed my period. I told my friend that I slept with him and she found it weird but got over it. I told my ex that I didn’t want to lose my friendship with her so we couldn’t speak to each other or see each other ever again. I’m terrified that if I am pregnant that she won’t want to be friends with me anymore and I don’t know if telling him is the right decision. In my head it’s the morally right thing to do but everyone has told me it would be a bad decision (If I am I will be getting an abortion regardless).

Any advice would be greatly appreciated x
I think first you should confirm you are actually pregnant, this makes is easier instead of relying on if's. Then I think you should tell your ex, whether or not you keep the baby is up to you but he still deserves to know. Lastly with your friend, If your friendship is true and she is truly over what happened she should support you with either decision you make. If she doesn't want to be friends then that's her loss okay. I really hope this helps but ofc I would also recommend talking to someone else you trust for another perspective. You got this :smile:
Reply 2
Original post by libbs2i3iewrpjsj
I think first you should confirm you are actually pregnant, this makes is easier instead of relying on if's. Then I think you should tell your ex, whether or not you keep the baby is up to you but he still deserves to know. Lastly with your friend, If your friendship is true and she is truly over what happened she should support you with either decision you make. If she doesn't want to be friends then that's her loss okay. I really hope this helps but ofc I would also recommend talking to someone else you trust for another perspective. You got this :smile:

Thanks so much for the reply. Yes I definitely need to confirm if I am first I think my mind is just running a million miles a minute. My gut instinct would be to tell him but I don’t know whether that would just create more drama than needs be. My mum is really against me telling him as she said “it’s nothing got to do with him, its your body and it would be cruel to tell him knowing that you don’t want to have him back in your life” but I don’t know whether to agree with her advice or not. With regards to my friend, she is over him and in a new happy relationship but it did make her uncomfortable because of the history we have with the same ex and she has not brought it up to anyone or spoken about it since I told her. She is a really good friend but I don’t know whether me being pregnant will push her over the edge or not. I really hope I’m not and this will all just go away soon x
Sleeping together yet presumptions of being pregnant did you guys have unprotected in order to think your pregnant?
If you are absolutely dead set on termination, then I don't see much point in telling him, what would he honestly do with that information since he has no influence over it? It does seem a bit silly for your mum to say it's nothing to do with him though and is possibly letting her own feelings cloud her advice,
Reply 5
Original post by Mohammed_2000
Sleeping together yet presumptions of being pregnant did you guys have unprotected in order to think your pregnant?

Yes we did
Reply 6
Original post by StriderHort
If you are absolutely dead set on termination, then I don't see much point in telling him, what would he honestly do with that information since he has no influence over it? It does seem a bit silly for your mum to say it's nothing to do with him though and is possibly letting her own feelings cloud her advice,

Honestly your point is why I’ve been so torn about it because I wouldn’t want to spring that information on him when he can’t do anything to help or support me but on the other hand a part of me thinks he has a right to know and I wouldn’t want the information to ever get back to him through someone else. I think my mum has a good point but also might be saying it because she thinks it will do more harm than good
Original post by Anonymous
Honestly your point is why I’ve been so torn about it because I wouldn’t want to spring that information on him when he can’t do anything to help or support me but on the other hand a part of me thinks he has a right to know and I wouldn’t want the information to ever get back to him through someone else. I think my mum has a good point but also might be saying it because she thinks it will do more harm than good

I think the way I'd look at it is what positives could come from telling him? I'm struggling to think of 1

If you were still together or even wanted to be I'd say it would be different, likewise if you were planning to raise the child - I'd say that was closer to 'right to know' territory. But if you're not going ahead, that's your choice that he would never be due a say in and renders almost all reasons to tell him moot.

I wouldn't share this with your friend, as the chances of him finding out are pretty high since they have shared history. I suspect your mum is laying it on a bit thick and she worries if you involve him that's it, he's back in your life again, she possibly for whatever reason just wants him out of the picture.
Thinking about this as a guy - I personally would not want to be told such a thing 'I was pregnant with our child but decided to terminate', as there is nothing constructive I can do with the information, it's just a big unresolvable ??? in my head wondering if it was done out of spite or even a lie.
if ur gonna have an abortion then there's no point in telling him but if ur hoping that he'll get back with u and have the baby together then tell him
Original post by StriderHort
I think the way I'd look at it is what positives could come from telling him? I'm struggling to think of 1
If you were still together or even wanted to be I'd say it would be different, likewise if you were planning to raise the child - I'd say that was closer to 'right to know' territory. But if you're not going ahead, that's your choice that he would never be due a say in and renders almost all reasons to tell him moot.
I wouldn't share this with your friend, as the chances of him finding out are pretty high since they have shared history. I suspect your mum is laying it on a bit thick and she worries if you involve him that's it, he's back in your life again, she possibly for whatever reason just wants him out of the picture.

Yeah that’s very true, thanks a lot for the advice it has really helped me decide what to do x
Original post by StriderHort
Thinking about this as a guy - I personally would not want to be told such a thing 'I was pregnant with our child but decided to terminate', as there is nothing constructive I can do with the information, it's just a big unresolvable ??? in my head wondering if it was done out of spite or even a lie.

Yes you’re right I think it’s pointless telling him considering he can’t do or say anything about it.
Original post by cherlloydfan1
if ur gonna have an abortion then there's no point in telling him but if ur hoping that he'll get back with u and have the baby together then tell him

Thank you for the advice it has really helped x
If you tell him you may need to deal with comments like, "I want to get back together", "let's raise it", "well it is my baby too so I get a say", etc. Save yourself the headache.
(edited 1 month ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Hello,
I dated this guy 4 years ago and he was my first official boyfriend. I found out after we broke up that he was cheating on me with this girl he casually dated before I met him. I met the girl a few months after and we have been best friends ever since (she didn’t know about me either). I am now In a close friendship group with her and 2 other girls I met through her. A few weeks ago I saw my ex on a night out and we ended up sleeping together without protection and now I have missed my period. I told my friend that I slept with him and she found it weird but got over it. I told my ex that I didn’t want to lose my friendship with her so we couldn’t speak to each other or see each other ever again. I’m terrified that if I am pregnant that she won’t want to be friends with me anymore and I don’t know if telling him is the right decision. In my head it’s the morally right thing to do but everyone has told me it would be a bad decision (If I am I will be getting an abortion regardless).
Any advice would be greatly appreciated x

To be honest, i think you should keep the baby and raise him with your ex. You probably still want your ex.

What happens if you and your female friend fall out permanently? Will you regret eliminating your unborn child?

Good luck

Quick Reply

Latest

Trending

Trending