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Hi, please can someone mark my power and conflict GCSE essay? Thank you

I was wondering if someone would be be able to mark and critique this essay I wrote on paper in 50 minutes, since I never finished my poetry essay in the mock and I don't really know the level I am working at for poetry. Thanks.



Compare the ways poets present ideas about power in Ozymandias and My Last Duchess

Shelley and Browning present the negative nature of power within the inequal, patriarchal societies through their phillipics, of those who have power and their corrupted use of it (exemplified through hubristic men). Despite both poems being critical of those in power and repeatedly shine a light on the consequences of misusing such power and taking advantage of such status, they present such notions through a varied use of form, structure and language.

For instance, both Shelley and Browning reflect the arrogant and self centered nature of higher class men in power through the different structural and speech use. ‘Ozymandias’ is written as a sonnet, as it begins with a ‘I met a traveler from and antique land’. Shelley employed such form, that is predominantly intended to express ideas of love, to echo the egotistical and self-centered nature of Ozymandias. Furthermore, such characteristics of the despotic ruler and reiterated through his speech, as written on his pedestal that “my name is Ozymandias, king of kings”, the repetition of the noun ‘king’ is exaggerative in tone as he appears to be challenging other rulers to elevate his power further , reflecting his boastfulness and his desire to enforce authority. This notion of those in power being boastful of what they have and their endeavors to elevate their status, is similary mirrored in ‘My Last Duchess’ as there appears to be no stanza break within this lengthy dramatic monologue ; the form used by Browning alludes to the fact that the Duke had not been interrupted throughout his speech, reflecting his obsession over himself as he controls the conversation. Additionally, this controlling and self-centered nature of the Duke is exacberated through the multitude of rhetorical questions embedded in his monologue , like how he asks the man will’t you please rise” . The monosyllabic words slow down the pace of his words , as we are drawn attention to his demanding tone, hence presenting the impatient & authoratitive nature of the Duke . Browning does this in attempt to bring light to the ill-mannered behaviour of those with higher positions in society, condemning the ways they attempt to implement control over others of lower status in society.

This notion of wanting to implementing control is analogous to how power is attempted to be physically presented through the statue in ‘Ozymandias’, to further heighten the ruler’s avarice for power. Imagery of this immense statue is repeatedly illustrated in the poem, as this eroded monument appears to have “two vast and trunkless legs of stone”. Ironically, the adjective “trunkless” highlights that the statue has no torso, reminding us that the power of time has destroyed this attempt of Ozymandias’s presentation of power, as his statue has inevitably been eroded over the course of time. The irony of such descriptions is implemented by Shelley purposefully, as he reveals that power of humans isn’t immortal and that it isn’t lasting, despite endeavors to make it appear to be .Similarly in ‘My Last Duchess’, we see how the Duke had a monk paint a picture of the Duchess, in an endeavor to allow for his power over her to be lasting, even after her death. He, in fact, talks to the portrait as if it were animate and says that (since none puts by / the curtain I have drawn for you, but I) . This line isolated through brackets from the rest of the text in the monologue, and this illuminates his desire to enforce power over her and to conceal her over the world. The horrifying tone of his controlling speech reflects the altitudes towards women during Browning’s time and how, consequently, results in women being voiceless as they are unable to express their own needs and fulfill their own desires due to the power withheld by men like the duke.

Therefore, Browning goes on to complete his didactic purpose of presenting the consequences of power, as he highlights how power can be lasting and go on to affect others. Through the final line of the poem, the Duke brings light to a statue in his house during the conversation during the monologue, as he wants the man to “Notice Neptune, though, taming sea horse”. This allusion foreshadows his authority is like Neptune’s, almost as a warning of the emotional abuse he is to bring to his future wife. Browning ends the poem with a sinister tone, in order to fulfill his didactic purpose and condemn the fact that patriarchal power has the ability to affect vulnerable women in society, and that it can be enduring, if not brought to an end. This is unlike the overall notion brought light to in the poem ‘Ozymandias’, where power, instead, appears to be fleeting and transient. After reading the pedestal quote of Ozymandias of ‘Ye, Might and despair’, the speaker introspects that “Nothing beside remains”. The contrasting images of power is ironic, and an image of a destroyed legacy is painted to reveal that art cannot immortalize power and that our power as humans is merely transient and limited.
AO1: 11/12.
AO2: 12/12.
AO3: 4/6.

27/30 = 90% = Grade 9.

Feedback:

AO1: Give Alternative Interpretations and slightly more evidence.
AO2: AMAZING!
AO3: Show an in-depth understanding of Contextual Factors, ideally in every paragraph.

Overall, it was delightful to read. Well Done!
DO NOT POST ESSAYS ONLINE!

This will now be picked up - in total - by Turnitin etc.
Original post by McGinger
DO NOT POST ESSAYS ONLINE!
This will now be picked up - in total - by Turnitin etc.

Does it really matter if it's not written as an assignment to be submitted anywhere? I got the impression the OP had written this off their own bat purely to request feedback (although I may be mistaken).
Original post by SilverPebble
Does it really matter if it's not written as an assignment to be submitted anywhere? I got the impression the OP had written this off their own bat purely to request feedback (although I may be mistaken).

Yeah exactly, they are just being extra. And yes that is why the OP sent the essay on here.
Reply 5
Original post by Kymarnii
AO1: 11/12.
AO2: 12/12.
AO3: 4/6.
27/30 = 90% = Grade 9.
Feedback:
AO1: Give Alternative Interpretations and slightly more evidence.
AO2: AMAZING!
AO3: Show an in-depth understanding of Contextual Factors, ideally in every paragraph.
Overall, it was delightful to read. Well Done!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and mark this essay, I appreciate it so much! :smile:
Original post by ash2008
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and mark this essay, I appreciate it so much! :smile:

No problem!

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