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Breakup woes and starting dating again?

I'm struggling with my breakup. Trying to get back into dating

A little bit of background:

Me (29f) and my boyfriend (28m) were together for 4 and a half years, (almost 5). We lived together in HIS house for almost 2y.

In October 23, he came in drunk and ended things between us. He said that he wasn't "ready for a relationship", that he didn't want marriage and kids, though he told me throughout our relationship, that that is what he wanted also(he told me he had lied to me throughout). I genuinely believed his fear outweighed his love for me. I basically had to move out of his house straight away, and within a week I had moved out my belongings and started no contact. He asked if we could be friends, I refused.

No contact was the worst, I was so emotionally distraught and I believe I cried for 4 months straight!

I was in no contact for 4 months, until i reached out to him on his birthday, I finally felt I could. What a fool I was. He had blocked me on FB and Snapchat, but I reached out via Insta. We established contact again, and he seemed genuinely interested in talking to me and he started initiating also. I went in with zero expectations- I simply wanted him in my life, in some capacity, (even if it was as friends). He admitted that he'd blocked me on Snapchat, stating it simply was just too hard for him to view my stories. He then unblocked me again.
Once i'd added him back however, he posted pictures of him with girls, which I confronted him about, citing that it would be inappropriate for us to talk, if he is in a relationship- he assured me he was not.

We have been talking since then until last Saturday night. He messaged me at midnight, I was out with friends, which he knew about. He said that he was going out on a second date with someone and he wanted to be honest with me. I was devastated, I simply put, "That's okay, I hope you are happy, all the best for the future" and I blocked and deleted him everywhere. I was angry also, not only the fact that he is getting into another relationship when that was the reason we split, but that fact that he chose that time to do it. He knew I was out with friends and it ruined my night from that point forward. I felt like he did it to intentionally hurt me, as I posting pictures of my night out and was truely having fun for the first time in awhile.

We are now at 6 months post breakup, and I want to let him go, but I can't move past the memories and how happy he made me for such a long amount of time. I have signed up to Hinge, and i'm trying to force myself to dip my toe into the pool, and I'm hoping this serves as a symboic moving on, so to speak.

I'm just terrified of dating again, as all I want is him, but I know it's for the best. I keep getting this nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I keep ruminating on him.

I feel like i'm way behind the breakup schedule and it's bringing me down. Any advice for this? On the breakup, the dating or whether i'm behind schedule? I'm just sad again, and i've been having some dark thoughts.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Reply 1
You have been in a relationship for a long time, so the break up would take a longer and emotional time for you.

You need to strive along and stop having contact with him or him contacting you as it would make it harder for you to push forward and find someone who is willing to commit in starting a family in the future.

Yes, start on dating sites like, or you can enjoy yourself while you're single and see where it takes you. When you're ready to start a new relationship, go for it. Don't rush into things until you're ready.

The dark thoughts, you can talk to me about what you're thinking, and I will reply back to you.

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