The Student Room Group

Black girl and Pakistani guy

I am a black 18-year-old Christian female with strict parents who just so happens to be talking to a Pakistani 18 year old Muslim male with religiously and culturally strict parents. Opposite sex friends is a taboo topic in my house, but it’s absolutely a no go in his house. We met in the beginning of junior year in high school and eventually became really close all the way to senior year. As of last month before Ramadan, he ended up confessing that he has feelings for me. I was a bit shocked because I too have feelings for him, but never thought the relationship would go beyond friendship. You’d think we’d started dating after finding out about this. Wrong. I questioned him if we both know we like each other, the why aren’t we dating? His response was that he’s not sure if he’ll be the same person once we hit collage (which btw smells like a bs excuse). Another reason was that his parents would disown him if they ever found out, and they could possibly decide not to help pay his tuition and living expenses for collage (reasonable because last year they were going to throw him out the house). Another one is that he is afraid of my parents
due to all the traumatic stories they caused from my childhood that I told him. For the past few few months we’ve been secretly hanging out until recently. One day I was on the phone with him, and my mom asked who was l talking to? My dumbass panicked and lied, which led to her cussing me out and calling me a liar while I was on the phone with him. I’m too scared to have that happen again, so I refuse to lie to her anymore. Today during our hang out, my mom ended up calling saying that she would like to meet him. He’s fine with talking to her over the phone, but not with meeting her in person because he thinks she’s gonna hate him and judge him. I really like him, but is all this effort worth it in the end even if he may discard me for his parents approval? I feel like l’m stuck between ensuring his comfort in not seeing my mom, and ensuring my mom’s comfort in seeing who her child has been hanging out with these past few months.

Scroll to see replies

Original post by Amaya_XI
I am a black 18-year-old Christian female with strict parents who just so happens to be talking to a Pakistani 18 year old Muslim male with religiously and culturally strict parents. Opposite sex friends is a taboo topic in my house, but it’s absolutely a no go in his house. We met in the beginning of junior year in high school and eventually became really close all the way to senior year. As of last month before Ramadan, he ended up confessing that he has feelings for me. I was a bit shocked because I too have feelings for him, but never thought the relationship would go beyond friendship. You’d think we’d started dating after finding out about this. Wrong. I questioned him if we both know we like each other, the why aren’t we dating? His response was that he’s not sure if he’ll be the same person once we hit collage (which btw smells like a bs excuse). Another reason was that his parents would disown him if they ever found out, and they could possibly decide not to help pay his tuition and living expenses for collage (reasonable because last year they were going to throw him out the house). Another one is that he is afraid of my parents
due to all the traumatic stories they caused from my childhood that I told him. For the past few few months we’ve been secretly hanging out until recently. One day I was on the phone with him, and my mom asked who was l talking to? My dumbass panicked and lied, which led to her cussing me out and calling me a liar while I was on the phone with him. I’m too scared to have that happen again, so I refuse to lie to her anymore. Today during our hang out, my mom ended up calling saying that she would like to meet him. He’s fine with talking to her over the phone, but not with meeting her in person because he thinks she’s gonna hate him and judge him. I really like him, but is all this effort worth it in the end even if he may discard me for his parents approval? I feel like l’m stuck between ensuring his comfort in not seeing my mom, and ensuring my mom’s comfort in seeing who her child has been hanging out with these past few months.

I don't think its a BS excuse per se but one to try not to admit what he knows to be true, maybe that's the same thing I don't know, it may not be likely (based on what you have said here) that this relationship will be permissible. this is meant respectfully too, but its not a Shakespearian melodrama or a rom com, its real life. If you are not permitted to be friends what do you, genuinely, think would suddenly change?

You are aware of the situation and what he is and isnt willing to do, you are making a choice in that knowledge now, hoping is one thing but its ultimately led you here.
(edited 1 month ago)
Reply 2
Sad to say it still happens. Two friends spring to mind. One a muslim guy who married a divorced muslim female and was disowned by his parents for a few years until the grandkids came along which eventually caused everyone to reconcile and another a white girl who married an indian guy and whose dad is an out and out racist which means indian guy never goes along to parents in law for Xmas dinner etc. Both couples have been happily married for 20+ years.

Yes it's much more complicated having to juggle extended family but at the end of the day it's as much whether the two of you feel strongly enough about each other to have a go despite everything that's stacked against you. Could bring you closer together. Could break you too. One thing both couples above did was not overthink things. They just decided they were going to be together and they would deal with everything that came along a step at a time. It helps that both couples above have very placid personalities and a sensible approach to life.
(edited 1 month ago)
Original post by AriTem
Sad to say it still happens. Two friends spring to mind. One a muslim guy who married a divorced muslim female and was disowned by his parents for a few years until the grandkids came along which eventually caused everyone to reconcile and another a white girl who married an indian guy and whose dad is an out and out racist which means indian guy never goes along to parents in law for Xmas dinner etc. Both couples have been happily married for 20+ years.
Yes it's much more complicated having to juggle extended family but at the end of the day it's as much whether the two of you feel strongly enough about each other to have a go despite everything that's stacked against you. Could bring you closer together. Could break you too. One thing both couples above did was not overthink things. They just decided they were going to be together and they would deal with everything that came along a step at a time.

true, but in your example you are talking about elder adults that have moved out and likely more independent, here, specifically there are two 18 year olds living with their parents.
Reply 4
Original post by wanga_wanga
true, but in your example you are talking about elder adults that have moved out and likely more independent, here, specifically there are two 18 year olds living with their parents.

Not at all. Both these relationships started at uni before they graduated and then progressed to marriage after uni.
Original post by AriTem
Not at all. Both these relationships started at uni before they graduated and then progressed to marriage after uni.

I think you missed my point.
he's probs trying to just convert you they get a reward from converting girls, stay safe hun believe in what's best for you and put you first!
Reply 7
Update, he’s been trying to come up with a plan to meet my mom. He’s brought up me converting to Muslim, but he knows it’s too soon for all that. I asked if he’s only with me for fun, but he says he really wants to try and be long term with me. Right now we’re just solving each problem one at a time. We planned to hang out more over the summer, but now my mom wants me to go to my collages summer program to get ahead and start earning my credits. Not too sure what to do about that. On one hand I feel like the collage program will be great and I will end up getting a guaranteed scholarship just from being in the program, but on the other, I’m afraid that we’ll grow apart during that time. We’re going to the same collage.
are you, er "active"?
Original post by Amaya_XI
Update, he’s been trying to come up with a plan to meet my mom. He’s brought up me converting to Muslim, but he knows it’s too soon for all that. I asked if he’s only with me for fun, but he says he really wants to try and be long term with me. Right now we’re just solving each problem one at a time. We planned to hang out more over the summer, but now my mom wants me to go to my collages summer program to get ahead and start earning my credits. Not too sure what to do about that. On one hand I feel like the collage program will be great and I will end up getting a guaranteed scholarship just from being in the program, but on the other, I’m afraid that we’ll grow apart during that time. We’re going to the same collage.

knew it why should u convert he should convert why should u have to cover up and not allowed to go out with consent hes just trying to control you once you convert he'll leave this is the HARSH reality of this. the more girls they convert the more they get rewarded for the amounts of conversion. please stand up girl!! it's A trick
Original post by Amaya_XI
Update, he’s been trying to come up with a plan to meet my mom. He’s brought up me converting to Muslim, but he knows it’s too soon for all that. I asked if he’s only with me for fun, but he says he really wants to try and be long term with me. Right now we’re just solving each problem one at a time. We planned to hang out more over the summer, but now my mom wants me to go to my collages summer program to get ahead and start earning my credits. Not too sure what to do about that. On one hand I feel like the collage program will be great and I will end up getting a guaranteed scholarship just from being in the program, but on the other, I’m afraid that we’ll grow apart during that time. We’re going to the same collage.

do not convert real up on islam it's all about controlling you
Original post by Anonymous
knew it why should u convert he should convert why should u have to cover up and not allowed to go out with consent hes just trying to control you once you convert he'll leave this is the HARSH reality of this. the more girls they convert the more they get rewarded for the amounts of conversion. please stand up girl!! it's A trick

who's "they"?
Original post by wanga_wanga
who's "they"?

yk who 'they' is lol
Original post by Anonymous
do not convert real up on islam it's all about controlling you

Bro you're ridiculously islamophobic. Listen up @Amaya_XI, we, muslims, would only care about the conversion of those we love. We have been told about the punishments of not believing, and we would never want the ones we love to go through that. That guy definitely wouldn't care about any other girls' religion if he cares about you. Also, m a Pakistani so I do understand the temper of Pakistani guys. Byeee
No, listen Amaya i promise you he is just trying to convert you if he really liked you religion does not matter at ALL! when i like someone i dont make them convert and bring religion up, that guy has definitely tried to convert multiple other girls, the guys in my school used to date non Muslims and get them to convert take the 'shahada' and leave straight away. i am not Islamophobic i just had my eyes opened and i can definitely see what's going on here. In their book it says they get a reward the more people to convert they also see girls as easier and more willing to convert
Reply 15
Original post by wanga_wanga
are you, er "active"?


No, we both want to wait till marriage
Original post by Amaya_XI
I am a black 18-year-old Christian female with strict parents who just so happens to be talking to a Pakistani 18 year old Muslim male with religiously and culturally strict parents. Opposite sex friends is a taboo topic in my house, but it’s absolutely a no go in his house. We met in the beginning of junior year in high school and eventually became really close all the way to senior year. As of last month before Ramadan, he ended up confessing that he has feelings for me. I was a bit shocked because I too have feelings for him, but never thought the relationship would go beyond friendship. You’d think we’d started dating after finding out about this. Wrong. I questioned him if we both know we like each other, the why aren’t we dating? His response was that he’s not sure if he’ll be the same person once we hit collage (which btw smells like a bs excuse). Another reason was that his parents would disown him if they ever found out, and they could possibly decide not to help pay his tuition and living expenses for collage (reasonable because last year they were going to throw him out the house). Another one is that he is afraid of my parents
due to all the traumatic stories they caused from my childhood that I told him. For the past few few months we’ve been secretly hanging out until recently. One day I was on the phone with him, and my mom asked who was l talking to? My dumbass panicked and lied, which led to her cussing me out and calling me a liar while I was on the phone with him. I’m too scared to have that happen again, so I refuse to lie to her anymore. Today during our hang out, my mom ended up calling saying that she would like to meet him. He’s fine with talking to her over the phone, but not with meeting her in person because he thinks she’s gonna hate him and judge him. I really like him, but is all this effort worth it in the end even if he may discard me for his parents approval? I feel like l’m stuck between ensuring his comfort in not seeing my mom, and ensuring my mom’s comfort in seeing who her child has been hanging out with these past few months.

never do the muslim x christian combo.....NEVERRR
Reply 17
Original post by Anonymous
knew it why should u convert he should convert why should u have to cover up and not allowed to go out with consent hes just trying to control you once you convert he'll leave this is the HARSH reality of this. the more girls they convert the more they get rewarded for the amounts of conversion. please stand up girl!! it's A trick


I’m not gonna convert💀. He brought it up cuz his sister’s dating someone who is converting (he was already converting before they met). I’m looking more into the religion because I wanna know more of what he believes in. I’m not so faithful in my own religion. I’d like to believe there’s a god, but whole heartedly I believe in evolution, which is why I’m so open to hearing other religions out.
Original post by Anonymous
No, listen Amaya i promise you he is just trying to convert you if he really liked you religion does not matter at ALL! when i like someone i dont make them convert and bring religion up, that guy has definitely tried to convert multiple other girls, the guys in my school used to date non Muslims and get them to convert take the 'shahada' and leave straight away. i am not Islamophobic i just had my eyes opened and i can definitely see what's going on here. In their book it says they get a reward the more people to convert they also see girls as easier and more willing to convert

Your religions have nothing to offer. Our does. That is because your religion has been manipulated SO MANY times by the hands of you ppl according the your liking. And lets face it, you don't know much about your own religion yourself. You say your religion was introduced by Jesus? Bet we know (and respect) Jesus more than you do.
Not gonna go anymore into religions. If you wish, ask that guy to convert to Christianity. If he refuses, remember to ask him why. After that, leave him and go to someone else and ask him to convert to Christianity. Keep doin it until you feel like you have been rewarded enough. But always remember where it all began. It began from a Muslim.
Original post by Anonymous
Your religions have nothing to offer. Our does. That is because your religion has been manipulated SO MANY times by the hands of you ppl according the your liking. And lets face it, you don't know much about your own religion yourself. You say your religion was introduced by Jesus? Bet we know (and respect) Jesus more than you do.
Not gonna go anymore into religions. If you wish, ask that guy to convert to Christianity. If he refuses, remember to ask him why. After that, leave him and go to someone else and ask him to convert to Christianity. Keep doin it until you feel like you have been rewarded enough. But always remember where it all began. It began from a Muslim.

No it did not
There is no doubt the Abrahamic religions are intertwined.....But I strongly believe all 3 religions (judaism, christianity, islam) derived from Abraham. What makes you say our religion is manipulated. Is it because of the many translations that HELP newcomers understand religion.....Is it because despite the bondage, torture, imprisonment that our ancestors faced our history books SURVIVED
To downplay another religion to uplift yours is very telling of your character....Give the OP advice and keep it moving

Quick Reply

Latest

Trending

Trending