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i feel attracted to men but at the same time i'm profusely disgusted by them

for many years i've been having this dilemma. i'm both attracted to men and women, and i can definitely see myself in a relationship with a man (although rarely), but whenever i see that a guy tries to make moves on me i get extremely disgusted, when there are men nearby, i get really tense and nervous, and if one even dares look at me i end up super ****ed for no good reason

i do think at some point that being a CSA victim has absolutely affected my relationship and how i view men around me, yet i'm slowly but surely healing from this. still, even if i'm completely certain that this supposed guy is an angel, i can't help but feel distrust

during 11th grade, i really found myself attracted to one of my classmates, but i refused to make any moves on him since i was scared due to the fact he's... a man. whenever he'd attempt to strike a conversation, it was like my body pressed some sort of "defensive mechanism" button and i'd always end up answering in a slightly annoyed manner so that he'd stop talking to me as soon as possible. regardless, he kept being extremely nice to me, but it was like my mind automatically just took control and perceived him as a threat.

i have no clue how to recover from this, and i feel alone in these experiences. what would you guys do if you were in my shoes?
Original post by Anonymous
for many years i've been having this dilemma. i'm both attracted to men and women, and i can definitely see myself in a relationship with a man (although rarely), but whenever i see that a guy tries to make moves on me i get extremely disgusted, when there are men nearby, i get really tense and nervous, and if one even dares look at me i end up super ****ed for no good reason
i do think at some point that being a CSA victim has absolutely affected my relationship and how i view men around me, yet i'm slowly but surely healing from this. still, even if i'm completely certain that this supposed guy is an angel, i can't help but feel distrust
during 11th grade, i really found myself attracted to one of my classmates, but i refused to make any moves on him since i was scared due to the fact he's... a man. whenever he'd attempt to strike a conversation, it was like my body pressed some sort of "defensive mechanism" button and i'd always end up answering in a slightly annoyed manner so that he'd stop talking to me as soon as possible. regardless, he kept being extremely nice to me, but it was like my mind automatically just took control and perceived him as a threat.
i have no clue how to recover from this, and i feel alone in these experiences. what would you guys do if you were in my shoes?

You're definitely not alone!
Sometimes, I also feel like this to certain people in public - anytime alone, when an older guy approaches me I freeze up and feel like running away (I'm scared to face SA).

I hope all your fears will go away and be replaced by constant joy in your life. I want you to know you're definitely not alone as there are many others who may feel this way too! Moreover, if I were you I'd try to build friendships with guys and try to destroy the disgust presented.

Anyhow, I wish you all the best! Goodluck :smile:

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