哇你好!(I’ll use english since we’re on an english speaking forum and my Chinese isn’t the best)
First of all, amazing achievements (北大。。。好厉害呀). You definitely have a lot to talk about in your personal statement to show your passion and abilities.
I would recommend that you have a think about where you want to be in the future and what you would like to do. Do you really want to work in China in the future? But then you say that you would prefer not to study in China. I think you have to make up your mind here. If you truly would like to study abroad and also work abroad, then why not? However, if your goal is to work in China, perhaps studying abroad might not be the best option.
Moreover, I usually would state that if it’s something you really want, then why not give it a shot? However, mental and physical health should always come first. I know how gruelling the 高考 exam is— it really doesn’t allow time for anything else.
Unfortunately, I cannot advise you on “what to do next”, this is entirely up to you. I don’t know exactly what position you’re in and how things are going for you. I would just recommend you to calm down, and just do what you can. Excessive worrying will only further deteriorate your mental state.
Are your grades being affected by your UCAS application? If you start the preparation now, you can spread the workload across the months. UCAS shouldn’t distract you from your studies that much. Do you have an hour or two to put aside for the application each day? That would be plenty. However, you must remember that your Gaokao is the most important. I hate to quote Asian parents, but it will literally “decide your future”. Even if you receive an offer from the UK, you will need a very competitive Gaokao score in order to get in. To be honest, the LNAT is the only aspect that requires a gargantuan amount of time (of course, the personal statement does too, but if you know what you’re going to write about it shouldn’t be too hard/ time consuming). The problem is whether you can spare a few hours every week to work on the application. If you truly want to do this, then think about whether you can cut time from any other area in your life that’s not your studies? It will be tough, no doubt about it, but perhaps it will all pay off in the end.
Either option you choose will come with many regrets and risks. Being realistic — even if you apply, the outcome may not be favourable. This may (like you’ve said) affect your performance in the Gaokao, hence affecting your future. Not applying might be a safer option, but nothing is guaranteed. Furthermore, like you’ve said, you will have many regrets if you do not apply. This is not an easy choice and I completely empathise with you. I too had to make the same choice, although the education system I am under is nowhere near as arduous as yours.
Lastly, if you really feel that your anxiety is too much, I would recommend against pushing yourself to the limits and applying to UCAS. If you push yourself too far, you may end up with more regrets than you would have if you had chosen to not apply. Life can take many different paths, there is no one fixed path for anyone. Take care of yourself so that you will have the chance to walk down more paths in the future. If your “UK dream” isn’t fulfilled, don’t be disheartened. You’re super smart (we all know how amazing having good grades, having a chance of getting into PKU, and thinking about applying abroad is) and you’ll do fine no matter where you end up. Don’t become fixed on one thing, don’t let it ruin you. Life is not all about studies even though it does seem like that right now! A choice you make now is not the end all and be all. There are plenty of other opportunities in the future to pursue what you want. You might have to take a longer route, but if it’s truly meant for you, it will come to you.
Wishing you all the best! 加油💪