Could someone mark my GCSE English Language question?

Great! I’d say around 6 or 7/8 if we’re being stingy. My main advice is try to embed quotes a bit more discreetly for a better flow, rather than separating them in the brackets. I’m also a sucker for some high level vocab since it’s bound to bump any answer up a couple of marks. Keep it up! 😄👍

Hi, I got a 9 at GCSE Lang and am studying Lit at A-Level so I think it’s worth giving my ten cents 😂
I’d say your have some fairly nice analysis and understanding of the text yet I feel some of it could be a lot deeper. For example having the text state that the jewels ‘burn’ could be interpreted by the reader to link with desire, thus heightening our perception of the jewels’ majesty. Furthermore, I’d also comment on the semantics of the safe, the mentioning of the ‘key’, ‘crimson velvet’ and so forth further reinforces this idea of their importance to the persona, not only do these matters represent protection, care and quality, but they represent a physical procedure that the persona may take pleasure in. I’d also offer alternate points of view, things like - ‘while at base level, the idea of … could connote …, looking more deeply into the use of … it can be considered that … means …, showing to the reader …
And as another commenter stated - higher level vocab throughout and better embedding of quotes to really hit into that 8/9.
I’d say from my point of view (so take with a grain of salt and do what you will with it) that at this point you’re probably working (from what I saw my peers get at the time) at a top band 6, teetering on 7, but it’s all about technique!
I find myself that critical feedback is always best, I hope I have not been too harsh and that this helps in some way - best of luck with revision and your exams!

Thank you very much for your help! One of my friends told me that it would have been about a 3/8 because this was question 2, about language, and I used repetition which is a structural technique. I don't know if he is correct, but if it is no trouble, could you give me a list of language techniques I could look for in the extract and use in my question 2? Also, could you tell me whether repetition is an acceptable language technique? Thanks!

Hi, by 6, I meant as a grade, should your other answers be roughly at this level, marks wise - 3 - 4 sounds about right.
As for identifying language devices, I’d revise some of thos, you’d find it vastly more beneficial if you found them yourself and then consolidated that instead of me finding them, but there is a lot that can be said!
Repetition is fine, provided you talk about its effects properly. Just saying the writer uses repetition isn’t enough, you need to talk about how that is relevant to your point. You’d need to say the repetition links to this feeling of procedure / process involving the key etc.

Thank you very much for your help! One of my friends told me that it would have been about a 3/8 because this was question 2, about language, and I used repetition which is a structural technique. I don't know if he is correct, but if it is no trouble, could you give me a list of language techniques I could look for in the extract and use in my question 2? Also, could you tell me whether repetition is an acceptable language technique? Thanks!

Hey, I was that guy 🙂 If you have any other essays, I will happily mark them. I suggest you send me some paper 1 question 2 and 3 so that you get some practice for those. Also both of your paragraphs talk about obsession so you've repeated your point twice but just with different techniques. Do this:
1st paragraph - obsession with jewels, that's your point. Embed your evidence. Then explain a lottttt, why has the writer chosen sibilance and what is the effect of sibilance, simile etc. Then link
2nd paragraph - new point and repeat PEEL