The Student Room Group

my ex

me and my ex dated from jan 23 to march 23 and it didn’t work out as it was our first proper relationship and we just couldn’t communicate our feelings properly which made us feel like we didn’t love one another. after this we spoke everyday until september when we finally got back together and we made sure to do things right this time. in october i went out with friends one weekend, and i saw a female who i found good looking. not attractively good looking but in a neutral way as i was in a relationship. i told my friends this and they told me to go and ask for her number. it was 4 friends telling me to and just me opposing it. in the end i got pressured to ask for it and she gave it to me but i didn’t save it or text her or anything i simply deleted it. i didn’t tell her about this as obviously i didn’t think this was cheating but i thought it was weird myself and i couldn’t bring myself to tell my ex because of how guilty i was. couple months later we broke up because of many different reasons including me saying i would change and keep doing the same things, me not taking accountability of my actions also me not listening during arguments and communication when my ex tried bringing a point across. after this me and my ex still talked everyday and we still loved one another and we wanted to stay friends and eventually try again soon since we were in love. i stopped being friends with the people who i went out with on that day. since we had broke up they decided to go and tell my ex about happened in october. they exaggerated this and included other things that i had “done” throughout the relationship to give me and bad a name and which wasn’t true at all. at this stage, my ex has no feelings for me. i feel like my old friends telling my ex this confirmed my ex overthinking which my ex had throughout the relationship which means now my ex is over me. we’ve been broken up for 4 months now, after all the reflecting and working on myself and learning how to be a better person i still have my ex on my mind everyday and im still in love and cannot move on even though i’ve tried. any advice? what should i do?
without being dismissive, the maximum time you were together is 12 weeks, then 8-12 weeks, given the dates shared, do you really think you can extrapolate all that? maximum six months where you spent as much time apart as together.

You're not meant for each other!
You should move on. This talk of loving each other is nonsense. You had two very short relationships. Your view of relationships and emotions seems to me to be extremely immature. Not just the talk of love after being together for all of five minutes, but the line "not attractively good looking but in a neutral way as I was in a relationship" is cute. Once you have matured a little you will come to realise that you cannot stop being attracted to other people, even when you're in a relationship, and being attracted to someone is not something that your other half, providing they are also mature, will be concerned about. Obviously going around announcing who you find attractive is probably not a great idea, but the important thing is that you can both trust each other not to act on and pursue people who you are attracted to. But pretending that you're not attracted to attractive people just because you're in a relationship is silly. It's not how that works.

So yeah, you need to grow up, and I don't mean that in a critical way. You're obviously reasonably young, and learning how to interact with girls and function in relationships is all part of what happens as you get older. It's something you learn about and hopefully get better at over time, and it never really stops. But yeah, if you can't stay with someone for longer than a few months after two attempts, there's no future in that. Move on to someone else, such as attractive people in clubs who give you their number when you ask for it.

Quick Reply