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English Language Paper 1 Q5

Hi! This is my response to an English h Language question 5 “Write a story about a life-saving rescue”. Feedback would be really appreciated. Thank you!

My hopeless gaze fixed upon the fleeting rays of sunlight as they filtered through my aquatic tomb. As I feel deeper into the cold ocean, the light of life and warmth of sun began to fade, as did my consciousness. The freezing water that surrounded me invaded my body - filling up my lungs and replacing my capacity to live. The loss of life felt tangible but there was no life nor salvation to grasp on to and save myself. I had no capacity to scream - my voice and lungs were drowned out.

As the last image of light began to dissolve in the deep, blue abyss, a shadow appears blocking it. Originally, I thought it was the shadow of death I had pathetically fallen into but as it came closer its form created the shape of a man. Though my eyes could not light up, they didn’t need to; a miracle that flashed a glimpse of life had graced my eyes and gave me the hope of a second chance

The hand lunged towards me and with the last strength residing in me, I took it. The hand’s grip was tight as it pulled me back up to the surface. In that moment I want to cry, but the home I was willing to live in (or rather die to) was the embodiment of my tears - an ecosystem of deep waters brought forth from my eyes. The hand moved swiftly, darting to the surface but for me time slowed down as I was graced with the reminder of warmth. The memory of the sun’s kiss I had thought to have been forgotten had been renewed in my mind.

A choke, a cough, a breath. I was back.

My clutch on the hand remained, not wanting to let go of my second chance at life. The ocean welled up in my eyes and even though I will never return to it, I couldn’t stop this melancholy resurrection. I yearned for the light but my eyes stayed shut; an unlikely comfortability of darkness in fear of stepping out of it again. Was I deserving of this resurrection back to the light?

“Thank you. Thank you! Thank you!” Overflowed from my mouth. The owner of the hand smiled as paramedics swarmed round me. All this attention directed at me felt undeserved and overwhelming. Who was I to deserve lights embrace?

Darkness again. The sun had made up her mind.

Again, an indistinguishable amount of time passed and I awoke in a hospital bed. Light filtered through the blinds and my vision was stuck on it. I realised the sun was a constant in the fleeting concept of my life.
Reply 1
Original post by M14_
Hi! This is my response to an English h Language question 5 “Write a story about a life-saving rescue”. Feedback would be really appreciated. Thank you!
My hopeless gaze fixed upon the fleeting rays of sunlight as they filtered through my aquatic tomb. As I feel deeper into the cold ocean, the light of life and warmth of sun began to fade, as did my consciousness. The freezing water that surrounded me invaded my body - filling up my lungs and replacing my capacity to live. The loss of life felt tangible but there was no life nor salvation to grasp on to and save myself. I had no capacity to scream - my voice and lungs were drowned out.
As the last image of light began to dissolve in the deep, blue abyss, a shadow appears blocking it. Originally, I thought it was the shadow of death I had pathetically fallen into but as it came closer its form created the shape of a man. Though my eyes could not light up, they didn’t need to; a miracle that flashed a glimpse of life had graced my eyes and gave me the hope of a second chance
The hand lunged towards me and with the last strength residing in me, I took it. The hand’s grip was tight as it pulled me back up to the surface. In that moment I want to cry, but the home I was willing to live in (or rather die to) was the embodiment of my tears - an ecosystem of deep waters brought forth from my eyes. The hand moved swiftly, darting to the surface but for me time slowed down as I was graced with the reminder of warmth. The memory of the sun’s kiss I had thought to have been forgotten had been renewed in my mind.
A choke, a cough, a breath. I was back.
My clutch on the hand remained, not wanting to let go of my second chance at life. The ocean welled up in my eyes and even though I will never return to it, I couldn’t stop this melancholy resurrection. I yearned for the light but my eyes stayed shut; an unlikely comfortability of darkness in fear of stepping out of it again. Was I deserving of this resurrection back to the light?
“Thank you. Thank you! Thank you!” Overflowed from my mouth. The owner of the hand smiled as paramedics swarmed round me. All this attention directed at me felt undeserved and overwhelming. Who was I to deserve lights embrace?
Darkness again. The sun had made up her mind.
Again, an indistinguishable amount of time passed and I awoke in a hospital bed. Light filtered through the blinds and my vision was stuck on it. I realised the sun was a constant in the fleeting concept of my life.

By the way I’m in year 10 and I’ve got mocks in a couple weeks so be harsh with your criticism please😭🙏

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