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Am I valid for feeling upset and overthinking about this?

My gf (18) and I have been together for a year and 3 months now. Long story short my friend has some close friends who she hasn't seen in 4 years as she moved country and in may she is going to visit. One of these best friends happens to be a transman and I found out she plans to sleep at his house along with his parents (I was already upset ab this). I brought this up to her and now I found out that she's sleeping in the same bed as him cus there's no other space (and for reference she doesn't need to go to his house to stay over either she can sleep in so many other friends houses she's only going so that she spends as much time as possible with him). She told me that the bed is very big and that there is only platonic feelings which I do believe but I still don't like the idea of her sleeping in the same bed as another man. The man is into women just for reference and my girl is also bi 😭😭😭. She says nothing I say will convince her to not to do this but I feel rlly upset and almost betrayed that despite knowing this she still will continue to go ahead with it even though she doesn't need to.
Honestly I think you're entitled to expect that she will listen to your objections, but you're not entitled to expect her to do what you want. These are old friends that she hasn't seen in a long time, so I entirely understand her forming her plans to maximise time with them. Sure, sharing a bed with a guy or a trans man is a concept that I understand being challenging for you, but equally you also accept that the feelings between them are only platonic. So, what? You think they'll suddenly be unable to control themselves and have sex just because they're in close proximity? That's not how it works. If you trust her and accept that their feelings for each other are platonic, this ultimately shouldn't be a problem.
Reply 2
Original post by Crazy Jamie
Honestly I think you're entitled to expect that she will listen to your objections, but you're not entitled to expect her to do what you want. These are old friends that she hasn't seen in a long time, so I entirely understand her forming her plans to maximise time with them. Sure, sharing a bed with a guy or a trans man is a concept that I understand being challenging for you, but equally you also accept that the feelings between them are only platonic. So, what? You think they'll suddenly be unable to control themselves and have sex just because they're in close proximity? That's not how it works. If you trust her and accept that their feelings for each other are platonic, this ultimately shouldn't be a problem.

It's the idea of actually sleeping in bed with someone else and spending the night like I don't understand why they have to be in bed together can't she sleep on the air mattress or smth? but no she wants to be in the bed and I don't think anything sexual will happen but I don't think it's ever right for a girl or boy in a relationship to sleep with a member of the opposite gender unless being forced to - they're close friends and being in the same bed or not shouldn't change that
Original post by Anonymous
It's the idea of actually sleeping in bed with someone else and spending the night like I don't understand why they have to be in bed together can't she sleep on the air mattress or smth? but no she wants to be in the bed and I don't think anything sexual will happen but I don't think it's ever right for a girl or boy in a relationship to sleep with a member of the opposite gender unless being forced to - they're close friends and being in the same bed or not shouldn't change that

That last line is also a reason why you shouldn't be bothered about it, of course. I do entirely understand your feelings here, and it's entirely right that a lot of people wouldn't be comfortable with this, but sleeping in close proximity to someone isn't an act of intimacy. As I say, it's right that you've let your feelings be known and discussed it with her, but ultimately in a situation where you accept that their is no sexual attraction between them (and even if there was, presumably you trust her not to act on any feelings that she has and rebuff any advances that her friend makes) this shouldn't be an issue. There will be others who agree with you on here, but in a practical sense, what are you going to do if she does sleep in the same bed with her friend? Break up with her? It doesn't sound like it. So it's just going to make to be one of those situations where she's done something you'd rather she didn't do, but at the end of the day you move past it.

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