should i tell my brown muslim parents that i'm bisexual?

i'm brown (afghan) bisexual girl with very religious muslim parents. i always knew i am attracted to all genders, but i like women more. my parents are really nice and good people, but they're kinda homophobic. they want me to marry an afghan guy in the future. since i'm junior in high-school, having a relationship now is out of question. and i know that now is not the time to tell them about my sexuality. but should i tell them in future? or should i just pretend that i'm hetero for the sake of all of us, bc if this ever gets out and to the extended family, their reputation will be tarnished.

edit: i just want to add that i'm not muslim, so please refrain from advising me to seek guidance in a religion i'm not part of

(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 1

Mohammed_2000

17

Original post by stressedwitch

i'm brown (afghan) bisexual girl with very religious muslim parents. i always knew i am attracted to all genders, but i like women more. my parents are really nice and good people, but they're kinda homophobic. they want me to marry an afghan guy in the future. since i'm junior in high-school, having a relationship now is out of question. and i know that now is not the time to tell them about my sexuality. but should i tell them in future? or should i just pretend that i'm hetero for the sake of all of us, bc if this ever gets out and to the extended family, their reputation will be tarnished.

Be straight up forward and tell the truth yet you know in our religion we don’t support this. So may Allah Almighty support and guide you.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by stressedwitch

i'm brown (afghan) bisexual girl with very religious muslim parents. i always knew i am attracted to all genders, but i like women more. my parents are really nice and good people, but they're kinda homophobic. they want me to marry an afghan guy in the future. since i'm junior in high-school, having a relationship now is out of question. and i know that now is not the time to tell them about my sexuality. but should i tell them in future? or should i just pretend that i'm hetero for the sake of all of us, bc if this ever gets out and to the extended family, their reputation will be tarnished.

Do not tell them - there is no upside in telling them - especially as you are still very young. Ultimately your sexual preferences are no one's business other than your own. There is no reason for them to know until you feel comfortable letting them know.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by Mohammed_2000

Be straight up forward and tell the truth yet you know in our religion we don’t support this. So may Allah Almighty support and guide you.

This is bad advice - absolutely no upside in doing this at this point.

Reply 4

Mohammed_2000

17

Original post by Anonymous

This is bad advice - absolutely no upside in doing this at this point.

How is that bad advice, our religion states that this is prohibited and forbidden and Allah may only guide the OP at this point. We are just coming from Ramadan as well like what better time then to seek guidance.

(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Mohammed_2000

How is that bad advice, our religion states that this is prohibited and forbidden and Allah may only guide the OP at this point. We are just coming from Ramadan as well like what better time then to seek guidance.

Then seek guidance from Allah - not go to her parents especially when this is a non issue at the moment. Telling the parents will only lead to downside - give it some time, until you know your feelings better - before exposing yourself to downside risk. In the meantime, if you are of a mind to , then pray and ask for guidance.

Reply 6

username6937716

0

6

Original post by stressedwitch

i'm brown (afghan) bisexual girl with very religious muslim parents. i always knew i am attracted to all genders, but i like women more. my parents are really nice and good people, but they're kinda homophobic. they want me to marry an afghan guy in the future. since i'm junior in high-school, having a relationship now is out of question. and i know that now is not the time to tell them about my sexuality. but should i tell them in future? or should i just pretend that i'm hetero for the sake of all of us, bc if this ever gets out and to the extended family, their reputation will be tarnished.

Maybe you should look into your faith

Reply 7

stressedwitch

OP

1

Original post by Bigmanting676

Maybe you should look into your faith

bro i'm not religious

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by stressedwitch

bro i'm not religious

I think anyone answering this should re-read the original post - she is not a Muslim and is not religious - tailor your response according to this.

Reply 9

username6937716

0

6

Original post by stressedwitch

bro i'm not religious

let me ask why did you leave Islam in the first place????

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by Bigmanting676

let me ask why did you leave Islam in the first place????

Not sure what concern that is of yours or how relevant it is to the question.

Reply 11

0xygen

17

1) Now in my 20s I realised that the most important relationship in my life is the one with my parents and family. In the future your parents will be your backbone and you will be theirs. Nothing can replace blood. Friends will fade and you will mainly find family in your corner during your very hard times.

I'm saying this because I strongly advise you to be careful about doing anything that can tarnish that relationship.

2) Your parents are Afghan Muslim. Bisexuality goes against their religion and culture.

3) It may be a good idea to speak to a family member that you trust to be discreete and wise.

4) Your body is biologically undergoing changes, so you may grow out of this phase in adulthood. Or you may not.

5) Your religious, cultural and social preferences are still developing.

6) Everyone has desires, I have strong desires to do things. The question is, is it morally and logically correct to give into these desires or is it better to learn to control them?

7) Giving in to a desire that you believe to be morally or logically incorrect opens so many bad doors to new desires. I have tried and I know where this leads. I'm still suffering due to bad choices I took as a teenager.

8) In my personal opinion, there is nothing wrong with feeling bisexual but I cannot see how defining oneself as a bisexual has any benefits.

This topic is very complicated and sensitive so I can't cover it in one post, but I'm happy to have a chat.

Reply 12

stressedwitch

OP

1

Original post by Bigmanting676

let me ask why did you leave Islam in the first place????

i don't think that's anybody's business. my question is not about religion.

Reply 13

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

21

In all honesty it depends on how old you are and how dependant you are on your parents.

I can't see any immediate benefit in outing yourself to them, especially if they are homophobic.

If you are financially dependant, (or maybe at uni and will be shortly), it might be something to consider for sake of honesty and not have to lie to them going forward. I think you just have to bear in mind that worst case, you might get disowned, (and that's very much on them rather than you).

Reply 14

Anonymous #2

🤬

Original post by username6937716

Bro didn’t mean it like that tho, but still ain’t think anything is gonna work out with Afghan parents genuinely. Wallah you should maybe go back to them,tell them then get sent back to Kabul😂😂😂

bro at this point someone should just report you because your making fun of someones religion how would you feel if I made fun of you someone who just wants to bully others you lucky don't let me see you in real life because things will be bad 😡

Reply 15

Anonymous #3

Original post by stressedwitch

i'm brown (afghan) bisexual girl with very religious muslim parents. i always knew i am attracted to all genders, but i like women more. my parents are really nice and good people, but they're kinda homophobic. they want me to marry an afghan guy in the future. since i'm junior in high-school, having a relationship now is out of question. and i know that now is not the time to tell them about my sexuality. but should i tell them in future? or should i just pretend that i'm hetero for the sake of all of us, bc if this ever gets out and to the extended family, their reputation will be tarnished.
edit: i just want to add that i'm not muslim, so please refrain from advising me to seek guidance in a religion i'm not part of

I’m Afghan and also bisexual so I think I can give some advice here.

I’ll begin by saying you’re way too young to risk ruining your relationship with your parents this early. You did mention you’re not likely to tell them now so that’s alright. Regarding the future, I’d say make sure you have a good support system and are financially stable before telling them. If you hope to move out, that’ll make things easier. But it is cultural for girls to stay with their families till they marry, so idk how you’d convince them unless they’re lenient about that.

There’s also the option of never telling them. That’s the one I’m going with because I don’t want them to ever be disappointed in me. I’ve made it clear to them that I really don’t want to get married, especially to an Afghan bc most are red flags, so they know to not nag me about it. My mum’s joked about me potentially being gay and I’ve just laughed it off but I know that if I were to ever admit it, things would go downhill.

Since your parents are very religious, there’s a big chance they won’t take the news well and may react in a way that will alter how you view them. My parents are homophobic so I’ve known since I was like 8 to never mention my attraction to women to them. I’ve seen they way they speak about queer people and their distaste is very obvious. Have you told your parents that you’re not religious? If so, did they react in any alarming way or did they not care? If you haven’t told them that you’re not Muslim, there’s very little reason for you to come out to them as they’re more likely to be hit hard by the news, especially if they were under the assumption that you’re practicing/ part of the religion.

Do you have any siblings? Perhaps they could support you with this matter.. or they might escalate things by outing you, I really don’t know. But from what I do know, the Afghan community in general is not kind to queers even tho SOOO many are closeted. (Afghanistan has a reputation for its queer community) I’ve even heard of my close relatives being in same sex relationships/ having same-sex desires before they ‘changed their ways’ and got married 🫣

Anyway as some other people in the thread also said, there’s very little you can gain from telling them. Unless they become very adamant about convincing you to get married when you’re in your 20s or something, then keeping it a secret won’t hurt. Even when you’re older and independent, it will be beneficial to be on good terms with your immediate family, so there’s no point in making things awkward. If you genuinely believe they’ll be supportive in a few years, then go for it when the time is right. But it’s safer to just live your life privately, even if it means hiding things from close ones.

Reply 16

calmoceanforthem

10

Accept your parents views for what htey are.

should i tell my brown muslim parents that i'm bisexual?

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