Should i leave home for university? Im afraid i'll loose people
The university in going to is a 45 minute car ride away and there is no way for me to get public transport without it taking like 2 hours for me to get there. None of my friends have left home for uni as they all go to unis based in Glasgow which is a short train ride away, so if they want to go out for drinks and things like that they can- there are plenty of ways to get home that aren't super expensive. The fact that im going to be going to a uni thats in the opposite direction from all of my friends and my girlfriend worries me a lot. I wont be able to meet up with them and go for coffee or drinks after classes and that is somthing that bothers me a bit. I had planned on commuting by car evryday to my uni but im also worried that if i do that, i wont be able to make many friends whilst im there. Im quite a shy person and i have a feeling that if im not "forced" to make friends with people in a way that i just wont, and that ill just attend lectures and drive home sort of thing. Anyways my maaaain concern is that me making the decision to live in halls will end my relationship with my girlfriend. I love her a lot and we have been together for a little over a year now, however we arent on great terms at the moment and i worry that this decision will end it for us. Ive been talking with family and i think that overall moving away would be the best thing for me overall but the thought of really screwing things over with her terrifies me. I would be coming home on weekends and things like that so there would be time for us to meet and spend time together if we are still with one another. I dont want this quite sudden decision to move to make it seem like im running away from her, i just know that i wouldnt be able to really enjoy my time at this particular uni if i didnt move out. All of my friends are her friends as well and they mean a lot to me, i dont want them to think im running away from her and them as well. I dont know why im writing this exactly but here you go idk.
apologies for the terrible spelling and grammar i didnt read this over before submitting it, just my natural flow if thought if that makes any sense
I don't think that these kind of distances will be an issue unless you let them. A 45-minute commute is really not that far - it could be a lot worse. Also, if none of your friends have left home for uni, it sounds as if you all still live roughly in the same area. I get that it can be a big change from being able to see your friends and girlfriend every day to only on weekends, but there are plenty of students who still manage to maintain their relationships living in different cities or even countries (my partner and I have lived in different countries for seven months now).
Moving away from one's hometown or experiencing friends moving away is a transition that most of us go through. These kind of worries are common, but at the end of the day this is an exciting new stage of your life and you shouldn't let anxiety ruin it for you. Yes, it's more common than not for students to try to keep their relationships with their hometown girlfriends/boyfriends going after moving away for university, only for it not to work out. However, this kind of thing is always a leap of faith. If you and your girlfriend both make a commitment to stay together, you can always try long-distance out and see how it goes.
If you decide to stay at home and commute, it would have the added bonus of saving you a lot of money, but as you say you would lose out massively on the social aspect of university which is one of the most important parts of being there (apart from your degree). Although it may seem very difficult not being able to see your friends as much, you will most likely make friends of your own at university.
I would say that the most important thing for you to do now is communicate. I don't think your friends will view your decision as abandonment if you explain your reasons, that you want to get the full university experience and you won't be able to do that if you commute. If they are good friends, they should understand your decision anyway.
You also need to talk to your girlfriend and reassure her that you're serious about your relationship and that your decision isn't anything to do with the problems that you have been having. Again, the commute isn't really that far and people have overcome longer distances. You do need to talk it out and try to get to the root of the specific issues you have been having. Ultimately, you have to do what's best for you and you shouldn't stay at home if you will end up regretting it.
Moving away from one's hometown or experiencing friends moving away is a transition that most of us go through. These kind of worries are common, but at the end of the day this is an exciting new stage of your life and you shouldn't let anxiety ruin it for you. Yes, it's more common than not for students to try to keep their relationships with their hometown girlfriends/boyfriends going after moving away for university, only for it not to work out. However, this kind of thing is always a leap of faith. If you and your girlfriend both make a commitment to stay together, you can always try long-distance out and see how it goes.
If you decide to stay at home and commute, it would have the added bonus of saving you a lot of money, but as you say you would lose out massively on the social aspect of university which is one of the most important parts of being there (apart from your degree). Although it may seem very difficult not being able to see your friends as much, you will most likely make friends of your own at university.
I would say that the most important thing for you to do now is communicate. I don't think your friends will view your decision as abandonment if you explain your reasons, that you want to get the full university experience and you won't be able to do that if you commute. If they are good friends, they should understand your decision anyway.
You also need to talk to your girlfriend and reassure her that you're serious about your relationship and that your decision isn't anything to do with the problems that you have been having. Again, the commute isn't really that far and people have overcome longer distances. You do need to talk it out and try to get to the root of the specific issues you have been having. Ultimately, you have to do what's best for you and you shouldn't stay at home if you will end up regretting it.
(edited 11 months ago)
Thank you for taking the time to respond, I really appreciate it. I think that all you have written out is right and Iβll be taking on the advice that youβve given. Communication is very important and Iβll going to be talking to my girlfriend about what Iβve been thinking about and hopefully if we put in the effort everything will work out okay. Again, I really appreciate you commenting, youβve helped put my mind at ease with this whole thing.
If you "lose" those people by going to uni then invariably you're going to "lose" them eventually anyway as you drift apart, if the only thing keeping you together is physical proximity.
(edited 11 months ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you for taking the time to respond, I really appreciate it. I think that all you have written out is right and Iβll be taking on the advice that youβve given. Communication is very important and Iβll going to be talking to my girlfriend about what Iβve been thinking about and hopefully if we put in the effort everything will work out okay. Again, I really appreciate you commenting, youβve helped put my mind at ease with this whole thing.
I'm glad! I hope that everything goes well
Original post by Anonymous
The university in going to is a 45 minute car ride away and there is no way for me to get public transport without it taking like 2 hours for me to get there. None of my friends have left home for uni as they all go to unis based in Glasgow which is a short train ride away, so if they want to go out for drinks and things like that they can- there are plenty of ways to get home that aren't super expensive. The fact that im going to be going to a uni thats in the opposite direction from all of my friends and my girlfriend worries me a lot. I wont be able to meet up with them and go for coffee or drinks after classes and that is somthing that bothers me a bit. I had planned on commuting by car evryday to my uni but im also worried that if i do that, i wont be able to make many friends whilst im there. Im quite a shy person and i have a feeling that if im not "forced" to make friends with people in a way that i just wont, and that ill just attend lectures and drive home sort of thing. Anyways my maaaain concern is that me making the decision to live in halls will end my relationship with my girlfriend. I love her a lot and we have been together for a little over a year now, however we arent on great terms at the moment and i worry that this decision will end it for us. Ive been talking with family and i think that overall moving away would be the best thing for me overall but the thought of really screwing things over with her terrifies me. I would be coming home on weekends and things like that so there would be time for us to meet and spend time together if we are still with one another. I dont want this quite sudden decision to move to make it seem like im running away from her, i just know that i wouldnt be able to really enjoy my time at this particular uni if i didnt move out. All of my friends are her friends as well and they mean a lot to me, i dont want them to think im running away from her and them as well. I dont know why im writing this exactly but here you go idk.
it's not a prison as you say you can go home on weekends and see your mates and girlfriend then also it's important to have your own mates also they can visit you whenever you like. I think it's clear halls is the right option.
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