The Student Room Group

I feel so deflated

I’m not really looking for sympathy but I just wanted to vent on here because I don’t have anyone I am willing to talk to about how I really feel, so I appreciate the anonymity of this.

Sometimes as much as I love my friends I feel so envious of their lives. Growing up I watched a lot of abuse in my home things have changed now but it got so bad that my mom moved us away just so we wouldn’t witness it. Overtime things got better but I still have so much resentment. My mom has been through so much and works so hard all the time and I feel like my whole home is so miserable. Things got worse financially for my family and now I live in a council estate and I feel like it has ruined so many aspects of my life. At first I didn’t really care but sometime ago a close friend of mine saw my address and name on a paper and she just burst out in laughter and started making fun of where I live and I just stood there like a deer caught in headlights. That is probably the first time I was truly ashamed, now every time a friend asks to come to my place I just make excuses because I am so ashamed of myself even though I can’t control anything. What makes it worse is that my friends constantly make fun of people that live in government housing without knowing I live in one and honestly i know it sounds superficial but it truly makes me feel deeply ashamed of myself. I hate everything about myself, I hate the way I look, every time I walk past people I just feel ashamed and try to keep distance so they don’t look at me, I don’t know why I do that but I just subconsciously assume people think the worst of me. I feel so stressed and anxious all the time, my hormone cycle is irregular, constantly getting heart palpitations and feeling like my heart is going to hurts, this usually happens when I start thinking about things then my chest just hurts. So now I feel like my thought are having a physical effect on me. I usually always feel deflated and tired, not only physically but mentally most of the time I just have grey in my mind and I constantly feel overwhelmed and like crying. My life is a constant cycle of the same thing. I always look at people around me and constantly feel left behind, everyone seems to have this amazing life, going out to parties and hanging out with friends while I rot in my room all day, I don’t even have that many clear pictures of myself because I don’t like seeing myself. I do get complicated a lot but I always just feel like they are superficial. I just want to be normal like everyone else. I know I sound ungrateful because there are people that have it worse but this is just how I feel right now.

I just need some advice, I'm tired of feeling like this. I
Going off to university in a year and I just want to start fresh.
Reply 1
I hope you find happiness, it seems you have a lot going on, but I don’t think it’s anything you cannot fix. If people have a problem with where you live, that’s their problem, not yours. There’s a lot to your post, I didn’t wish to see it go unanswered. My best advice would be to see a doctor, explain the situation, they’ll possibly put you through CBT. I’d also suggest reading/listening to; the courage to be disliked by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi, it touches on a number of issues you mentioned, and gives an alternative view point if you’re open to a different way of thinking. If you have a premium Spotify account, it’s on there as part of the subscription. Good luck in uni, it’s a new life that awaits you. As for your current path, as odd as it may sound, you may be grateful for it in time.
Original post by Anonymous
I’m not really looking for sympathy but I just wanted to vent on here because I don’t have anyone I am willing to talk to about how I really feel, so I appreciate the anonymity of this.
Sometimes as much as I love my friends I feel so envious of their lives. Growing up I watched a lot of abuse in my home things have changed now but it got so bad that my mom moved us away just so we wouldn’t witness it. Overtime things got better but I still have so much resentment. My mom has been through so much and works so hard all the time and I feel like my whole home is so miserable. Things got worse financially for my family and now I live in a council estate and I feel like it has ruined so many aspects of my life. At first I didn’t really care but sometime ago a close friend of mine saw my address and name on a paper and she just burst out in laughter and started making fun of where I live and I just stood there like a deer caught in headlights. That is probably the first time I was truly ashamed, now every time a friend asks to come to my place I just make excuses because I am so ashamed of myself even though I can’t control anything. What makes it worse is that my friends constantly make fun of people that live in government housing without knowing I live in one and honestly i know it sounds superficial but it truly makes me feel deeply ashamed of myself. I hate everything about myself, I hate the way I look, every time I walk past people I just feel ashamed and try to keep distance so they don’t look at me, I don’t know why I do that but I just subconsciously assume people think the worst of me. I feel so stressed and anxious all the time, my hormone cycle is irregular, constantly getting heart palpitations and feeling like my heart is going to hurts, this usually happens when I start thinking about things then my chest just hurts. So now I feel like my thought are having a physical effect on me. I usually always feel deflated and tired, not only physically but mentally most of the time I just have grey in my mind and I constantly feel overwhelmed and like crying. My life is a constant cycle of the same thing. I always look at people around me and constantly feel left behind, everyone seems to have this amazing life, going out to parties and hanging out with friends while I rot in my room all day, I don’t even have that many clear pictures of myself because I don’t like seeing myself. I do get complicated a lot but I always just feel like they are superficial. I just want to be normal like everyone else. I know I sound ungrateful because there are people that have it worse but this is just how I feel right now.
I just need some advice, I'm tired of feeling like this. I
Going off to university in a year and I just want to start fresh.


With your thoughts of crying and over whelmed, maybe you should see a GP.

There is a lot of support out there such as:

-The Samaritans, you can call 116 123, which is available 24 hours a day

-Mind, 0300 123 3393

-Saneline, 0300 304 7000, from 4.30pm-10.30pm

-The mix, 0800 808 4994, 11am-11pm

-SHOUT, text 852258, 24 hour text service

-Crises, 741741, text service

-Papyrus, 0800 068 4141, if you have thoughts of suicide or in emotional distress

-Rethink mental health, 0300 5000 927

-No Panic, 0800 138 8889

-Relate, they have a chat advisor

-Mental Health 24/7: 0800 008 6516

-hubofhope website, useful contact information for your local area

You can self refer yourself to talking therapies on the NHS website.

There is the mind forum

Also Facebook groups

You can join support groups

You can contact a crises team if things get very bad

Plenty of resources online, information regarding well being.
(edited 1 month ago)

Quick Reply

Latest

Trending

Trending