The Student Room Group

Muslim Convert Married at 19

Hi guys, I am a 19-year-old Muslim revert who recently got married (say mashaAllah).

When I was 18 I completed my profile on an online marriage app that rhymes with Fuzz. This involved uploading pictures of myself wearing the hijab and sharing information about my hobbies. Immediately I got hundreds of likes from different men, which meant the app was technically working.

I will be honest, there was a mixed bag of people as most men were good but some were not great. A few men were clearly talking to too many girls at once, others didn't really know what they wanted, others were very good but ended up not liking me back. I had one particularly bad experience with a man who asked me to take off my hijab and verbally abused me when I said no.

This was too many people for me personally, due to a lot of the profiles looking fake or being too similar to one another and I wasn't able to get to know the people. Also a lot of them were inactive which would explain why there were so many profiles showing up.

Because of that I created a Google Form with a few questions on it, such as:
-Introduce yourself
-What is your contact detail
-What type of Muslim beliefs do you have
-Do you have online content or public media that I can look at and learn more about you

Over a week I got a few responses. Since the responders put the effort in of filling out the form I was able to sort out who was really interested in me versus who just liked the way I looked. One response really interested me because it matched my own interests so I contacted the responder on the marriage app as I realised that I had actually seen his profile and liked him as well.

I asked him on a date in a public place since I was living away from my family and was a revert to Islam, so we went for coffee and at this point I was 18 years old and 11 months and he was 27 years old. We spoke about many things including our overall plans and I thought that he was very polite and honest so I kept asking to get coffee with him again.

For two weeks we met nearly every day and became more sure about one another. It got to a point where there was nothing more that we had to ask from one another in order to agree to be life partners. Our values were aligned as well as our future goals and I found that being around him made me feel motivated as he opened up my horizons about some of our shared hobbies. He asked me to marry him and I said yes.

For the next three months we didn't meet except once, but we called every day to discuss the wedding details. He gave me the phone number of his old roommates and teachers so I could get references about his personality. Him and I chose nice wedding outfits, a mosque venue and invited about 10 people. We paid some money to support the mosque organisers, then we bought some fruit and water and had a very basic ceremony.

At that point I was 19 years old and 3 months. The next month was his birthday so we spent it with my parents, who had heard about him and luckily welcomed him into the family. He moved into a bigger flat to accommodate me and we have since spent several months in the flat together, furnishing it and living inside, although I have not fully moved in yet. We have now been married for 5 months.

The reason I shared this story is because some people are confused about how Muslims meet and get married according to our beliefs and even cultures. I was very confused about getting married, since the first Muslim wedding I attended was actually my own wedding. The point is to accept support from the community and try to keep things basic and stay true to your beliefs.

Our relationship is controversial because we are an interracial couple with an age difference and because we made a strong commitment due to our religious beliefs. However this is our way of life and we both are blessed with a good opinion of our traditions, families, and of one another.

If anyone else has a marriage story I would be delighted to hear how you got together. I can also try to answer some questions about how Muslims like to look at relationships.
Original post by k59533
Hi guys, I am a 19-year-old Muslim revert who recently got married (say mashaAllah).
When I was 18 I completed my profile on an online marriage app that rhymes with Fuzz. This involved uploading pictures of myself wearing the hijab and sharing information about my hobbies. Immediately I got hundreds of likes from different men, which meant the app was technically working.
I will be honest, there was a mixed bag of people as most men were good but some were not great. A few men were clearly talking to too many girls at once, others didn't really know what they wanted, others were very good but ended up not liking me back. I had one particularly bad experience with a man who asked me to take off my hijab and verbally abused me when I said no.
This was too many people for me personally, due to a lot of the profiles looking fake or being too similar to one another and I wasn't able to get to know the people. Also a lot of them were inactive which would explain why there were so many profiles showing up.
Because of that I created a Google Form with a few questions on it, such as:
-Introduce yourself
-What is your contact detail
-What type of Muslim beliefs do you have
-Do you have online content or public media that I can look at and learn more about you
Over a week I got a few responses. Since the responders put the effort in of filling out the form I was able to sort out who was really interested in me versus who just liked the way I looked. One response really interested me because it matched my own interests so I contacted the responder on the marriage app as I realised that I had actually seen his profile and liked him as well.
I asked him on a date in a public place since I was living away from my family and was a revert to Islam, so we went for coffee and at this point I was 18 years old and 11 months and he was 27 years old. We spoke about many things including our overall plans and I thought that he was very polite and honest so I kept asking to get coffee with him again.
For two weeks we met nearly every day and became more sure about one another. It got to a point where there was nothing more that we had to ask from one another in order to agree to be life partners. Our values were aligned as well as our future goals and I found that being around him made me feel motivated as he opened up my horizons about some of our shared hobbies. He asked me to marry him and I said yes.
For the next three months we didn't meet except once, but we called every day to discuss the wedding details. He gave me the phone number of his old roommates and teachers so I could get references about his personality. Him and I chose nice wedding outfits, a mosque venue and invited about 10 people. We paid some money to support the mosque organisers, then we bought some fruit and water and had a very basic ceremony.
At that point I was 19 years old and 3 months. The next month was his birthday so we spent it with my parents, who had heard about him and luckily welcomed him into the family. He moved into a bigger flat to accommodate me and we have since spent several months in the flat together, furnishing it and living inside, although I have not fully moved in yet. We have now been married for 5 months.
The reason I shared this story is because some people are confused about how Muslims meet and get married according to our beliefs and even cultures. I was very confused about getting married, since the first Muslim wedding I attended was actually my own wedding. The point is to accept support from the community and try to keep things basic and stay true to your beliefs.
Our relationship is controversial because we are an interracial couple with an age difference and because we made a strong commitment due to our religious beliefs. However this is our way of life and we both are blessed with a good opinion of our traditions, families, and of one another.
If anyone else has a marriage story I would be delighted to hear how you got together. I can also try to answer some questions about how Muslims like to look at relationships.

When you say like to look at relationships what do you mean…?
Reply 2
Original post by Mohammed_2000
When you say like to look at relationships what do you mean…?

General ideas about how Islam is different to other religious systems when it comes to relationships. Because we have the example of Muhammad (peace be upon him) to give us special guidance about what we can do to successfully be married.
Original post by k59533
General ideas about how Islam is different to other religious systems when it comes to relationships. Because we have the example of Muhammad (peace be upon him) to give us special guidance about what we can do to successfully be married.

My question to you is this why is “love marriage” so difficult to fix and arrange in Islam?
Reply 4
Original post by Mohammed_2000
My question to you is this why is “love marriage” so difficult to fix and arrange in Islam?

The answer is that love marriage is a juxtaposition, because love is based on a feeling and marriage is based on commitment. Marriage requires two people to respect one another, but love requires two people to temporarily be attached to one another. Marriage is better for a happier life because it's more like having a best friend rather than having a crush on somebody.

Sometimes it's difficult to arrange this marriage because it's hard to find the true character of somebody - but someone respectful and pious will be easy to love after marriage because pious people deserve your love.
Original post by k59533
The answer is that love marriage is a juxtaposition, because love is based on a feeling and marriage is based on commitment. Marriage requires two people to respect one another, but love requires two people to temporarily be attached to one another. Marriage is better for a happier life because it's more like having a best friend rather than having a crush on somebody.
Sometimes it's difficult to arrange this marriage because it's hard to find the true character of somebody - but someone respectful and pious will be easy to love after marriage because pious people deserve your love.

What advice would you give to a guy that’s waited 2 and a half years in marrying a girl. Even doing Tahajjud for it. The guy parents gives approval, the girl has a strict dad who she’s afraid to speak to, and when speaking to her mum on 3 different occasions her mum just went “No, No, No” on the subject that too anonymously of the boy identity and she snickered, bickered and laughed it off sarcastically what does he do.
Reply 6
Original post by Mohammed_2000
What advice would you give to a guy that’s waited 2 and a half years in marrying a girl. Even doing Tahajjud for it. The guy parents gives approval, the girl has a strict dad who she’s afraid to speak to, and when speaking to her mum on 3 different occasions her mum just went “No, No, No” on the subject that too anonymously of the boy identity and she snickered, bickered and laughed it off sarcastically what does he do.

Brother you don't have a relationship with this girl. Know your worth and move onto someone else who Allah will facilitate for you.
Original post by k59533
Brother you don't have a relationship with this girl. Know your worth and move onto someone else who Allah will facilitate for you.

If you don’t mind asking how
Reply 8
Original post by Mohammed_2000
If you don’t mind asking how

People find spouses in many different ways. I recommend talking to your imam at the first instance and asking him about the skills needed to find a spouse.
Original post by k59533
People find spouses in many different ways. I recommend talking to your imam at the first instance and asking him about the skills needed to find a spouse.

I met this girl through work and it’s been my intention to marry her since.
Reply 10
Original post by Mohammed_2000
I met this girl through work and it’s been my intention to marry her since.

Have you asked her how she feels about that?
Original post by k59533
Have you asked her how she feels about that?

Yeah she herself said she wants to get married she’s desperate to get married like she feels inseparable
Reply 12
Original post by Mohammed_2000
Yeah she herself said she wants to get married she’s desperate to get married like she feels inseparable

Brother she has wasted two years of your life. She is probably a nice girl but you need to marry into a family that is ready for marriage. Improve the factors within your control. A proposal of marriage is not an enforceable relationship in Islam and there is no problem in leaving it.
Original post by k59533
Hi guys, I am a 19-year-old Muslim revert who recently got married (say mashaAllah).
When I was 18 I completed my profile on an online marriage app that rhymes with Fuzz. This involved uploading pictures of myself wearing the hijab and sharing information about my hobbies. Immediately I got hundreds of likes from different men, which meant the app was technically working.
I will be honest, there was a mixed bag of people as most men were good but some were not great. A few men were clearly talking to too many girls at once, others didn't really know what they wanted, others were very good but ended up not liking me back. I had one particularly bad experience with a man who asked me to take off my hijab and verbally abused me when I said no.
This was too many people for me personally, due to a lot of the profiles looking fake or being too similar to one another and I wasn't able to get to know the people. Also a lot of them were inactive which would explain why there were so many profiles showing up.
Because of that I created a Google Form with a few questions on it, such as:
-Introduce yourself
-What is your contact detail
-What type of Muslim beliefs do you have
-Do you have online content or public media that I can look at and learn more about you
Over a week I got a few responses. Since the responders put the effort in of filling out the form I was able to sort out who was really interested in me versus who just liked the way I looked. One response really interested me because it matched my own interests so I contacted the responder on the marriage app as I realised that I had actually seen his profile and liked him as well.
I asked him on a date in a public place since I was living away from my family and was a revert to Islam, so we went for coffee and at this point I was 18 years old and 11 months and he was 27 years old. We spoke about many things including our overall plans and I thought that he was very polite and honest so I kept asking to get coffee with him again.
For two weeks we met nearly every day and became more sure about one another. It got to a point where there was nothing more that we had to ask from one another in order to agree to be life partners. Our values were aligned as well as our future goals and I found that being around him made me feel motivated as he opened up my horizons about some of our shared hobbies. He asked me to marry him and I said yes.
For the next three months we didn't meet except once, but we called every day to discuss the wedding details. He gave me the phone number of his old roommates and teachers so I could get references about his personality. Him and I chose nice wedding outfits, a mosque venue and invited about 10 people. We paid some money to support the mosque organisers, then we bought some fruit and water and had a very basic ceremony.
At that point I was 19 years old and 3 months. The next month was his birthday so we spent it with my parents, who had heard about him and luckily welcomed him into the family. He moved into a bigger flat to accommodate me and we have since spent several months in the flat together, furnishing it and living inside, although I have not fully moved in yet. We have now been married for 5 months.
The reason I shared this story is because some people are confused about how Muslims meet and get married according to our beliefs and even cultures. I was very confused about getting married, since the first Muslim wedding I attended was actually my own wedding. The point is to accept support from the community and try to keep things basic and stay true to your beliefs.
Our relationship is controversial because we are an interracial couple with an age difference and because we made a strong commitment due to our religious beliefs. However this is our way of life and we both are blessed with a good opinion of our traditions, families, and of one another.
If anyone else has a marriage story I would be delighted to hear how you got together. I can also try to answer some questions about how Muslims like to look at relationships.

congratulations, may allah bless you both 🙏😊
(edited 1 month ago)
Original post by Maya_amelia
Allah’s not even real (ask Sam Harris)

Who is Sam Harris what bs
Reply 15
Original post by Maya_amelia
Allah’s not even real (ask Sam Harris)

Can Sam Harris explain how the universe began?
Congratulations!

Did you opt for a red and gold wedding outfit colour scheme?

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