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Relationship

So I’ve been dating this guy since last year. Things were going well, although we would have to meet in secret as his parents are relgious and obviously wouldn’t want him having a boyfriend. We would meet maybe once or twice a week and he would stay mine most Fridays. Anyways I was fine with it as I understood the situation. Fast forward until November 2023 his family found we was together, and decided to remove him out of education and half way across the country. We barely spoke during this time as he said he was too scared for them to find out about again. I was broken during this time, after all we was so happy together and had no poriblems with the relationship. All I was thinking is “how could you let this love up so easily” or “am I not worth fighting for” obviously these are selfish things to think compared to the situation he’s in but I still obviously wanted the best for myself. Anyways, he ended up having all his social media deleted and wasn’t really aloud out (he’s 18 btw for context) he ended up making a fake insta but said “he doesn’t like talking to me because it makes him feel sad because he can’t see me” which felt strange to me as I would still way prefer speaking then not. Fast forward to this month we’re I still waited 6 months as I really do love him. He is back now living with a family friend. We are “together” but he’s still not aloud to stay over mine or really mention anything about me for obvious reasons. I’m 21 and just want a ‘normal’ relationship but really feel like this is the one, besides all this hiding things and barely being able to meet things. He said things won’t be normal until he goes to uni where he will have freedom, which is not for another 18 months. So I’m really unsure of where this next time will take us. Having to sneak out at 2am to meet for an hour or 2 is this healthy? I understand his situation but often finding myself wanting more and in a mix feeling as I’m finding it hard being alone and not freely able to call or meet with him, as he has blocked my calls incase his family sees so I can’t freely talk to him either. It’s a very hard situation with religious parents. I told him he’s welcome to always be at mine if anything goes wrong (as I’m in uni) but he said he doesn’t wanna risk anything with the family and have them angry. Which I mean is fair enough but I also feel he isn’t standing up to them enough and allowing his freedom. (This is just scratching the surface they control him a lot more like trying to get him to change personality and not slowing him to meet friends etc but yeah) i just thought I would explain my situation just in case someone has had any experience with this type of thing. As I’ve said I want to be with him but it’s taking a hit on me mentally not being able to have a ‘normal’ relationship and talking/meeting whenever. Thanks in advance
i honestly think you're doing a pretty good job of dealing with this. as someone who really, really liked a guy whose parents weren't that bothered about dating whilst my parents are very bothered about me having a boyfriend, i understand from both your pov and your kind-of-boyfriend's pov. it was a little different for me since i'm a girl, but as someone who can relate to having strict parents, the only thing you can really do is: a) hope they change their minds, and b) wait until you're old enough to be independent and make your own decisions without feeling guilty. it's not his fault for not being able to be with you, and as much as he may want to rebel from his parents- its hard. especially when in some households parental opinions can hold such a huge influence on your life. for example, my parents brought me up to think that if i didn't do good in school i couldn't be good at anything. lower than the top = failure. being less than perfect = failure. that plus other stuff set me up for a lot of mental issues down the road, and now my parents don't give a heck about what i get in my grades- just that i'm proud of my effort. but their words and everything they've done has been so engraved in my brain that no matter how many times they or someone else tells me i don't have to be perfect to succeed, i literally cannot believe them. it seems like an over the top explanation, but what i'm trying to say is- strict parents have INFLUENCE. and it's scary to disobey them or go against them, just look at how your bf had to delete all his socials etc. (i've been forced to do that too 💀).

i understand that it's frustrating for you to be feeling like you're on the sidelines waiting for him to catch up to you- but you've got to understand that there's not much you can do. i think the effort you put in to maintain this relationship says a lot about your feelings for each other, and i admire that from you. you've said countless times that you understand what he's going through at the moment, and i bet you he appreciates that way more than you think. the only thing you can offer him now is patience. yes, it's frustrating, yes, it's annoying, yes, you feel constricted since you can't be openly happy in your relationship but you've just got to let it run it's course. maybe just let him know what you're feeling. not in an accusatory way- but in a way that's like "i've been feeling this way, and i just want to let you know so you're aware." maybe after your bf hears that, he'll try and make more effort to see you and make sure you're doing okay. i'm honestly rooting for you and i hope everything goes well- sending hugs 🫂
Original post by Anonymous
i honestly think you're doing a pretty good job of dealing with this. as someone who really, really liked a guy whose parents weren't that bothered about dating whilst my parents are very bothered about me having a boyfriend, i understand from both your pov and your kind-of-boyfriend's pov. it was a little different for me since i'm a girl, but as someone who can relate to having strict parents, the only thing you can really do is: a) hope they change their minds, and b) wait until you're old enough to be independent and make your own decisions without feeling guilty. it's not his fault for not being able to be with you, and as much as he may want to rebel from his parents- its hard. especially when in some households parental opinions can hold such a huge influence on your life. for example, my parents brought me up to think that if i didn't do good in school i couldn't be good at anything. lower than the top = failure. being less than perfect = failure. that plus other stuff set me up for a lot of mental issues down the road, and now my parents don't give a heck about what i get in my grades- just that i'm proud of my effort. but their words and everything they've done has been so engraved in my brain that no matter how many times they or someone else tells me i don't have to be perfect to succeed, i literally cannot believe them. it seems like an over the top explanation, but what i'm trying to say is- strict parents have INFLUENCE. and it's scary to disobey them or go against them, just look at how your bf had to delete all his socials etc. (i've been forced to do that too 💀).
i understand that it's frustrating for you to be feeling like you're on the sidelines waiting for him to catch up to you- but you've got to understand that there's not much you can do. i think the effort you put in to maintain this relationship says a lot about your feelings for each other, and i admire that from you. you've said countless times that you understand what he's going through at the moment, and i bet you he appreciates that way more than you think. the only thing you can offer him now is patience. yes, it's frustrating, yes, it's annoying, yes, you feel constricted since you can't be openly happy in your relationship but you've just got to let it run it's course. maybe just let him know what you're feeling. not in an accusatory way- but in a way that's like
Reply 3
[quote="Theunikid2002;99387400"]
Original post by Anonymous
i honestly think you're doing a pretty good job of dealing with this. as someone who really, really liked a guy whose parents weren't that bothered about dating whilst my parents are very bothered about me having a boyfriend, i understand from both your pov and your kind-of-boyfriend's pov. it was a little different for me since i'm a girl, but as someone who can relate to having strict parents, the only thing you can really do is: a) hope they change their minds, and b) wait until you're old enough to be independent and make your own decisions without feeling guilty. it's not his fault for not being able to be with you, and as much as he may want to rebel from his parents- its hard. especially when in some households parental opinions can hold such a huge influence on your life. for example, my parents brought me up to think that if i didn't do good in school i couldn't be good at anything. lower than the top = failure. being less than perfect = failure. that plus other stuff set me up for a lot of mental issues down the road, and now my parents don't give a heck about what i get in my grades- just that i'm proud of my effort. but their words and everything they've done has been so engraved in my brain that no matter how many times they or someone else tells me i don't have to be perfect to succeed, i literally cannot believe them. it seems like an over the top explanation, but what i'm trying to say is- strict parents have INFLUENCE. and it's scary to disobey them or go against them, just look at how your bf had to delete all his socials etc. (i've been forced to do that too 💀).
i understand that it's frustrating for you to be feeling like you're on the sidelines waiting for him to catch up to you- but you've got to understand that there's not much you can do. i think the effort you put in to maintain this relationship says a lot about your feelings for each other, and i admire that from you. you've said countless times that you understand what he's going through at the moment, and i bet you he appreciates that way more than you think. the only thing you can offer him now is patience. yes, it's frustrating, yes, it's annoying, yes, you feel constricted since you can't be openly happy in your relationship but you've just got to let it run it's course. maybe just let him know what you're feeling. not in an accusatory way- but in a way that's like

Thank you I appreciate the response. “Good things come to those who wait” these next 18 months will be hard and frustrating but hopefully there is a lot of gold at the end of it haha. It’s hard looking around and seeing happy faces that are aloud to open express their love for one another but there’s a whole future ahead and hopefully it’s the right decision and good things will come as a result. Likewise i hope you’re happy now and at peace with yourself wishing you the best 🫂

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