The Student Room Group

Not My Problem, It's yours!

I've adopted this mindset whereby if people don't want to befriend me or have anything to do with me-it's their problem, not mine. I'm sure many of us want people to like us and we sometimes get caught up with people who we want to like us, but who don't want to know. I do believe that people who spurn or ignore the hand of friendship have a problem with you, and whatever that problem is, they're insecure about it and they probably won't tell you what their problem is.

I know that sometimes you'll have a problem with people if they've hurt you in some ways, which is perfectly reasonable, but we shouldn't be afraid of telling people why you've got a problem with them. If you don't unload your problems by talking about them, the more likely it is they'll build up and consume you.

Do you agree with this, or do you have another stance on this subject matter?
Reply 1
It good to be self confident and not over dependent on others approval
Sounds a bit like wishful thinking tbh, it blames all rejection on others insecurity but doesn't consider you might simply have acted like a jerk, annoyed them or have other offensive traits.
Original post by StriderHort
Sounds a bit like wishful thinking tbh, it blames all rejection on others insecurity but doesn't consider you might simply have acted like a jerk, annoyed them or have other offensive traits.

I did consider those other things by saying "I know that sometimes you'll have a problem with people if they've hurt you in some ways, which is perfectly reasonable."
Original post by JDINCINERATOR
I did consider those other things by saying "I know that sometimes you'll have a problem with people if they've hurt you in some ways, which is perfectly reasonable."

I don't think you even need to wait till people specifically hurt you, you can just take a dislike to them. The further you get from education and family evironments the more you realise people can just dismiss you and vice versa.

I'd only spend further time explaining why I didn't like someone if I could see a point in it, like if I wanted to mend an existing relationship or thought they might genuinely benefit from my perspective or advice. But I might just think they suck and not be willing to spend another minute.

I've def lost friends over the years because they were incapable of accepting criticism so I didn't persist, they prob still don't know why I left and think it was my problem, not theirs.

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