The Student Room Group

Asking girl hand to marriage (Muslim Brothers and Sisters)

Salaam,

What advice would you give to asking a girl hand for marriage or the girl talking to her parents about marriage, her parents are strict on three separate occasions she’s spoken to her mother although the girl is very desperate to get married to me we’ve personally waited for each other for 2 and a half years now she’s come to me and said she wants to get married before or just thereabouts in 2025 so the first initial steps will be either asking her father or in this moment of time me and my family are waiting on her to tell her parents. What advice would you give Brothers and Sisters.

Salaam.
I think you need to phrase your question better, you said she's spoken to her mother but then you say you're waiting for her to tell her parents?
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous
I think you need to phrase your question better, you said she's spoken to her mother but then you say you're waiting for her to tell her parents?

She’s initially spoken about this to her mother her mother on 3 separate occasions just went No,No,No like that just refusing to hear on the topic or subject she snickered and bickered about it whilst also laughing even though I was trying to be told anonymously that I was the boy she wants to marry, I’m now waiting for her to ultimately just tell her mum and dad now it’s been 2 and a half years she has more of a closer relationship to her mum than her dad.
Original post by Anonymous
She’s initially spoken about this to her mother her mother on 3 separate occasions just went No,No,No like that just refusing to hear on the topic or subject she snickered and bickered about it whilst also laughing even though I was trying to be told anonymously that I was the boy she wants to marry, I’m now waiting for her to ultimately just tell her mum and dad now it’s been 2 and a half years she has more of a closer relationship to her mum than her dad.

right, so has she directly mentioned you, specifically, as the man she wants to marry?
Also, in the end it's not her mother who needs to accept you, it's her father. Obviously it's better for you if both accept you, but islamically you only need her father's permission. You should also be speaking to her father. How old are you both? Are you young or?
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
right, so has she directly mentioned you, specifically, as the man she wants to marry?
Also, in the end it's not her mother who needs to accept you, it's her father. Obviously it's better for you if both accept you, but islamically you only need her father's permission. You should also be speaking to her father. How old are you both? Are you young or?

Yes.

She’s too afraid to speak to her father she spoke to her mother because of closer relationship and probably through that it would have been easier for the message to be conveyed to her dad considering she’s worried about what he’ll say. I’m waiting to see what she says to her parents that’s what my mother told me then we will make a move. I’m 23 turning 24 she’s 21 turning 22 later this year.
Original post by Anonymous
Yes.
She’s too afraid to speak to her father she spoke to her mother because of closer relationship and probably through that it would have been easier for the message to be conveyed to her dad considering she’s worried about what he’ll say. I’m waiting to see what she says to her parents that’s what my mother told me then we will make a move. I’m 23 turning 24 she’s 21 turning 22 later this year.

Well until she asks her father, or her mother tells her father there's nothing you can do besides wait. At the moment the ball is in her court not yours. I'd say to her that her father is going to know whether it's her or her mother who tells him, and you are going to have to speak to him as well. It might be faster if she asks her father directly, but if she doesn't get on with him, then fair enough, wait for her mum to ask her dad
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous
Well until she asks her father, or her mother tells her father there's nothing you can do besides wait. At the moment the ball is in her court not yours. I'd say to her that her father is going to know whether it's her or her mother who tells him, and you are going to have to speak to him as well. It might be faster if she asks her father directly, but if she doesn't get on with him, then fair enough, wait for her mum to ask her dad

Thank you Jazakallah :smile:
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you Jazakallah :smile:

Insha'allah it all goes well for you and her. Praying for your happiness together🙏
Reply 8
Original post by Anonymous
Insha'allah it all goes well for you and her. Praying for your happiness together🙏

Thank you my dua goes to you for the strongest of health, iman, happiness and wellbeing and to our Ummah.
Asalamailkum Akhi,

Hope you are well, I am not a scholar I am just a layman although I intend to study the religion in the future(Bi-ithnillah), however I just wanted to give you some guidance as your brother in Islam. As far as I am aware if a man is interested in marrying someone it is his responsibility to speak to the father wether he asks alone or he brings a wali with him, he should speak to the father directly and he should avoid speaking to the potential spouse without her father being present. I suggest if you are really serious you need to man up and go speak to her father, otherwise you’ll just be going round in circles, also please akhi do some personal research in to this topic to make sure your not crossing boundaries your not meant to when looking for a spouse.
Original post by Anonymous
Asalamailkum Akhi,
Hope you are well, I am not a scholar I am just a layman although I intend to study the religion in the future(Bi-ithnillah), however I just wanted to give you some guidance as your brother in Islam. As far as I am aware if a man is interested in marrying someone it is his responsibility to speak to the father wether he asks alone or he brings a wali with him, he should speak to the father directly and he should avoid speaking to the potential spouse without her father being present. I suggest if you are really serious you need to man up and go speak to her father, otherwise you’ll just be going round in circles, also please akhi do some personal research in to this topic to make sure your not crossing boundaries your not meant to when looking for a spouse.
Or he brings a wali with him(Sorry I meant father).

or he brings his father with him

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