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Am I being gaslit ?

Me and my ex broke up a few weeks ago

An incident that happened that night is that he came over to me and my guy friend (who he has said before to me that he never trusted etc - but he says that about all my male friends) and said I never trusted you around her etc.

Wel that’s what I thought anyway - my friend can’t remember either so it’s tricky.

I am so certain that he said this - and I had been drinking a little but I was so sure I would bet my life on it. He Denys saying it at all and now I’m doubting what happened.

Like maybe I misremembered but I am so certain he said it and now I feel like I’m being gaslit .

I also feel super embarrassed asking my friend about it because he doesn’t want to get involved but I’m like I’m so sure he said it.

He has since called me a liar - said I had mental issues - I was delusional and I was dangerous because i misremembered this one incident. It’s really got to me because I know I’m not crazy but he’s really making me feel that way - and I’m worried now maybe he didn’t say it and I am going crazy.

He has said it multiple times to me privately so maybe I’m getting them jumbled but like - I was just so sure . Ut sucks that my friend can’t remember .

What do other people think. Am I misremembering or gaslit.
The best thing for you to do is, distance yourself from people who make you feel worthless and manipulated. Work on your mental and physical self and try and be the best version of yourself
If you can, try to not interact with your ex, if you and your friend hear what he said and he’s trying to say that he never said that, that’s his problem not yours and your friends
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
Me and my ex broke up a few weeks ago
An incident that happened that night is that he came over to me and my guy friend (who he has said before to me that he never trusted etc - but he says that about all my male friends) and said I never trusted you around her etc.
Wel that’s what I thought anyway - my friend can’t remember either so it’s tricky.
I am so certain that he said this - and I had been drinking a little but I was so sure I would bet my life on it. He Denys saying it at all and now I’m doubting what happened.
Like maybe I misremembered but I am so certain he said it and now I feel like I’m being gaslit .
I also feel super embarrassed asking my friend about it because he doesn’t want to get involved but I’m like I’m so sure he said it.
He has since called me a liar - said I had mental issues - I was delusional and I was dangerous because i misremembered this one incident. It’s really got to me because I know I’m not crazy but he’s really making me feel that way - and I’m worried now maybe he didn’t say it and I am going crazy.
He has said it multiple times to me privately so maybe I’m getting them jumbled but like - I was just so sure . Ut sucks that my friend can’t remember .
What do other people think. Am I misremembering or gaslit.

I will focus more on the gaslighting part, rather than the memory part. Ultimately, we don't know if you're misremembering, but given that you repeatedly remember being told it on multiple occasions suggests you aren't misremembering.

For the next question, 'Is he gaslighting you'? Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where one person tries to make another doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity. If he's calling you names, accusing you of mental health issues, and denying his words, these are tactics associated with gaslighting—especially if these actions make you doubt your own memory and sanity.

By labeling someone as delusional or dangerous, they make a person doubt their own mental stability and perceptions. This can lead you questioning your own memories and judgement, which makes them more dependent on the gaslighter's version of reality. By shifting the focus to the mental state, he diverts attention away from his behavior. This tactic can prevent them from having to take responsibility for their actions. By making someone doubt their sanity, they gain power over you. Accusations of being "dangerous" can be particularly effective in creating fear and uncertainty, thereby exerting control.

Ultimately, it's not relevant whether you remember what happened. What is relevant is how your ex treated you after being unsure if you remember. By focusing on your mental state, calling you a liar and delusional are typical signs of someone gaslighting. It is a tactic to get someone to question their own reality and sanity, which is highly manipulative behaviour. So yes, he is gaslighting you and he is manipulating you.

Even if you did misremembered the event, your ex would still be gaslighting you, by making the focus on your mental state and being "dangerous" or "delusional" rather than attempting to remember what happened, means he is manipulative and a gaslighter.

It sounds to me, from your post, that the manipulation is working. He is making you feel that you are crazy. In reality, you are being manipulated into feeling that way.
(edited 3 weeks ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Me and my ex broke up a few weeks ago
An incident that happened that night is that he came over to me and my guy friend (who he has said before to me that he never trusted etc - but he says that about all my male friends) and said I never trusted you around her etc.
Wel that’s what I thought anyway - my friend can’t remember either so it’s tricky.
I am so certain that he said this - and I had been drinking a little but I was so sure I would bet my life on it. He Denys saying it at all and now I’m doubting what happened.
Like maybe I misremembered but I am so certain he said it and now I feel like I’m being gaslit .
I also feel super embarrassed asking my friend about it because he doesn’t want to get involved but I’m like I’m so sure he said it.
He has since called me a liar - said I had mental issues - I was delusional and I was dangerous because i misremembered this one incident. It’s really got to me because I know I’m not crazy but he’s really making me feel that way - and I’m worried now maybe he didn’t say it and I am going crazy.
He has said it multiple times to me privately so maybe I’m getting them jumbled but like - I was just so sure . Ut sucks that my friend can’t remember .
What do other people think. Am I misremembering or gaslit.

it doesn't matter if you're misremembering cause saying you're delusional and dangerous and have mental issues for misremembering something is taking it way too far. this dude is 100% gaslighting you, and trying to control you. don't talk to this dude anymore, he's clearly not worth it and very toxic.
Original post by Anonymous
Me and my ex broke up a few weeks ago
An incident that happened that night is that he came over to me and my guy friend (who he has said before to me that he never trusted etc - but he says that about all my male friends) and said I never trusted you around her etc.
Wel that’s what I thought anyway - my friend can’t remember either so it’s tricky.
I am so certain that he said this - and I had been drinking a little but I was so sure I would bet my life on it. He Denys saying it at all and now I’m doubting what happened.
Like maybe I misremembered but I am so certain he said it and now I feel like I’m being gaslit .
I also feel super embarrassed asking my friend about it because he doesn’t want to get involved but I’m like I’m so sure he said it.
He has since called me a liar - said I had mental issues - I was delusional and I was dangerous because i misremembered this one incident. It’s really got to me because I know I’m not crazy but he’s really making me feel that way - and I’m worried now maybe he didn’t say it and I am going crazy.
He has said it multiple times to me privately so maybe I’m getting them jumbled but like - I was just so sure . Ut sucks that my friend can’t remember .
What do other people think. Am I misremembering or gaslit.

If u think ure going crazy ur defo getting manipulated..
gaslighting is a term thats poorly understood and often misquoted. It also often gives people more credit that they deserve as it requires quite the conscious effort.

That said, your situation sounds as though they are simply (not simply) doing what they want and arguing you around when challenged, thus never changing their behaviour. Lying comes naturally for some

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