The Student Room Group

is there still a chance?

me(19) and my bf (21) broke up around 5 months ago now. we met in uni - he did a gap year and honestly were so so in love. Our families loved ezchother, our friends all got one and us - we were completly inseperable!

Things started to fall apart around after celebrating our 1 year, from his side i think his mental health was struggling with stress of exams ect and we started to have different interests - we lived together the first year of our relaitonship and going into the 2nd we lived with friends ( juts because housing for 3rd year uni was very early on in our relationship). He had more of an interest in drinking w his housemates n going out, I had more onf an interest in chilling, i wasnt a huge huge fan of his housemates - just not my typa ppl.

Anyway, he broke up with me with the reaosn of 'not having as much love' anymore, which if anyone esle has/is going through is heartbreaking to hear as theres nothing to do about it- i treied so hard to think of ways in which we could work on things but at the end of the day you cant force someone to love you . but i was completly heartbroken. I had never been in love before and so was quite a traumatic time.
We had 2 months away from eachother as he went away on holiday with his family over christmas, we still called like every week and messaged everyday. He still messaged my mum ect and comunication was great.

We then saw each other for the first time and met at the bar.... drinks were flowing and he ended up back at mine. this then becmae a rgular occurance as was sort of like we were dating again idk we would go for food/ drinks every saturday, catch up and end up back at one of our houses and sleep together.
It has been a very confusing time for me, as i was completly heartbroke. after the breakup, It was like we were almost togteher again and we were happy like in our early stages agin.
Before coming home for easter he admitted that he still had feelings and as a result should stop what were doing as its too hard, and to be honest while i was sad to not be seeing him, i dont think i would have been strong enough to stop things myself.
2 weeks off for easter and immediately when were back, we end up sleeping together again. We make the agreement that its exclusive but were not togther.

I dont know what to do. do i suggest trying to make things work or do i just 'see what happens' ?
this is a bit of a tricky one. so, you guys do have feelings for each other, are sleeping with one another, but you're not like officially dating each other is that right? i think you guys should see what happens- but have a more in depth conversation about it so you can establish some things. i think he's kinda saying that maybe he doesn't want anything too committed right now, and I think that if you guys are meant to be together it will work out eventually. but, the fact that you're doing this kind of almost "exclusive fwb" relationship, having feelings for each other can make it really complicated. i think that maybe you guys should work towards maybe getting back together in the future (if that's what both of you want), but if you think that whatever is going on now is going to be too hard or confusing for you, then you should definitely talk to him about it so you can just lay everything out and have a mature conversation about it.
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous
this is a bit of a tricky one. so, you guys do have feelings for each other, are sleeping with one another, but you're not like officially dating each other is that right? i think you guys should see what happens- but have a more in depth conversation about it so you can establish some things. i think he's kinda saying that maybe he doesn't want anything too committed right now, and I think that if you guys are meant to be together it will work out eventually. but, the fact that you're doing this kind of almost "exclusive fwb" relationship, having feelings for each other can make it really complicated. i think that maybe you guys should work towards maybe getting back together in the future (if that's what both of you want), but if you think that whatever is going on now is going to be too hard or confusing for you, then you should definitely talk to him about it so you can just lay everything out and have a mature conversation about it.

Yeah that it good advice thank you I think I just need to see what happens - its so easy to forget the concept of if its meant to be it will be.
No we're not officially dating and have avoided any convo about other people we may/ may not have slept/ talked to during the breakup when we weren't together as felt that may overcomplicate things. To be honest I dont want to know and nor does he. It was my decision to bring up exclusively sleeping together as it was getting me down the unknown and confusion of it all obvs at uni going out clubbing every week , and didn't want to loose that respect but he completely agreed with that boundary.

so whilst were not officially dating we see eachcother once / twice a week, go for food and drinks, watch movies, and message everyday.

thank you for the advice tho it has really helped x

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