Why am I so sad about what happened 7 years ago?

Like I didn't reach my potential in science because I decided to change my set and go from set 5 (which offered combined science higher and an additional science GCSE) to set 6 which is single science foundation and I do well in combined but my class like separate papers. I left due to a potential bully who was videoing me and putting pictures up of me on Instagram, she was coming from set 2 to set 5 so I had to leave. I failed science in the end with a D and that's a shame as I believe it could have been a CC or BB.

Reply 1

Justcurious_yr12

I am sorry this happened to you but you should not regret your decision as you decided what was best at the time. As adults we don't find our past bullies threatening but as youngsters they are and you decided it was better to have a good mental health than dealing with the situation on daily basis. Bullies rarely realise what kind of effect they have on someone' life.
Be kind to yourself. The good thing about today's world is no opportunity is ever fully lost. You can always study science and even if couldn't then , there are always bridging courses or foundation degrees. I understand that you did GCSE 7 years ago, if the regret is because you wanted to follow a STEM career then there are so many STEM adjacent career which can be done by people from non STEM degrees. I hope that you find some way to correct the wrong.

Reply 2

Anony345533

Original post by Justcurious_yr12

I only pass if I do higher and I wasn't taught higher in set 6 so couldn't attempt it but I was able in set 5 because I was taught. I don't even know if this bully came down from set 2 to set 5 and I may have left for no reason. I have emotional dysregulation so I am extreme and would leave for no reason just because 2 people in set 5 said she was coming. I have been bullied all throughout secondary school but I never let a bully put me down and wouldn't go down sets and still achieve academically and this was verbal abuse or leaving me out or ganging up on me but this is all verbally but this type of bullying I haven't dealt with before which was online bullying. I told my head of year at the time and she won't do anything unless I provide proof. I know she was doing it because I eventually had one piece of evidence but I didn't take any action. I could have told my science teacher about the bullying but I didn't and just asked if I can change sets, he gave me a chance and when I was there in set 5 for a lesson I didn't see her there. I usually can never get science inside my head even when I try to teach myself, but this set 5 teacher did.

Going to set 6 caused more problems as I was expected to do higher separate papers and the class foundation and I can't do it unless I am taught. This set 6 teacher couldn't even teach and I hated her, she made me go to different classrooms to do past papers and she kept me behind if I called out and it was a smaller classroom so I hated it, I preferred double combined science higher tier big class rather than single science foundation tier separate papers, it's the format of the exams that wasn't right for me so it wasn't the right set. She also kept me behind when I made a sarcastic comment (due to other bullying). I have dealt with bullying my whole life even in primary school but never have I let a bully put me down.

(edited 11 months ago)

Reply 3

Justcurious_yr12

If you go through constant emotional abuse in form of bullying then your brain puts you in survival mode. Emotional dysregulation usually stems from being in survival mode. Things usually don't make sense until you are at a point in life where you feel secure or detached from the situation. I am guessing that you are in a better position emotionally or probably feel secure as you are now an adult.

If you ponder too much on your past then all you will get is regret. Try and put your past behind you and move on. Easier said than done. But do get help if you are feeling depressed. Sometimes one or two sessions with a therapist is all it takes.

Reply 4

Anony345533

Original post by Justcurious_yr12

If you go through constant emotional abuse in form of bullying then your brain puts you in survival mode. Emotional dysregulation usually stems from being in survival mode. Things usually don't make sense until you are at a point in life where you feel secure or detached from the situation. I am guessing that you are in a better position emotionally or probably feel secure as you are now an adult.
If you ponder too much on your past then all you will get is regret. Try and put your past behind you and move on. Easier said than done. But do get help if you are feeling depressed. Sometimes one or two sessions with a therapist is all it takes.

One last thing, I didn't expect to feel regret going down sets because of my emotional dysregulation but I did. Like due to my emotional dysregulation I asked to go down sets rather than move up sets and people don't usually want to move down but I did. I could have got at least a grade C in Science with a teacher that I like and can teach me science. Not only would I have passed science if I managed to deal with the bullying at the time, but I would have also got an extra GCSE in additional science. I sometimes imagine conversations I could have had with my set 5 teacher and how I could have stayed and different outcomes and he could have kept an eye on it, put her in a different seat not next to me (there was only 2 seats there empty) or kicked her out if she does too much. Or if I noticed she wasn't there, why would I leave set 5 for no reason just because people mentioned her name? I wasn't thinking about the consequences this would have for me, I did see it as a way for me to punish myself though, and it made me fail. It could have easily been an accomplishment if I asked to move up sets but due to being negative and extreme, I asked to go down, ultimately failing and not doing additional science. I don't know if I could handle additional though but if I had known there was separate papers in set 6 I wouldn't have asked to go to set 6, I would have stayed in set 5 since I am better in combined science.

I did manage to speak to my set 5 teacher after I left when he was organising the lunch queue and I was in it, he asked how set 6 was, I said it's alright preferred set 5 though, he asked why and I said the teacher and he said he gave me a chance, I chose set 6 but I'll be alright. I knew I wasn't going to be alright given the format of exams just wasn't for me because my class don't like combined science and I did. My peers on my English table also knew I wasn't going to pass due to me being in a low set. I think this also had an overall impact on my exams when I could have scored higher in the real exams, the set change.

My head of year had a meeting with all people failing some of their GCSEs or not passing any and the first thing she said was "these are the sort of grades your sister would have got" (she's not academic and got worse grades than me, she did foundation and failed and I did higher and passed), science was one of the subjects I had potential in, along with art and I improved by 2 grades in sociology but art, science and sociology was the concern I guess.

I actually asked to go down for maths as well and I am so glad my teacher didn't let me ruin maths and this wasn't due to bullying but because I was sad I couldn't do grade 3 stuff but can do grades 8/9 so higher is best for me. Why did my science teacher let me leave though? If I had my way I would be in bottom set (set 7) for everything failing as well. My maths peers reassured me but in science my friend who was going to set 6, told my teacher I should stay and he said if she wants to leave, let her leave. That's after my teacher asked if I want to do one GCSE.

I actually do science papers on my own, the old specification just to see what grade I could have got. I didn't bother at the time and if I really wanted to pass I would have stayed in set 5, or asked the teacher in set 6 if I could do combined science higher while class do separate foundation papers though that causes problems with timing as they sit 1 hour exams and I sit 1 hour 30 minutes. They sit 3 papers I sit one paper. Sitting 3 papers did allow us to gain more points even if the exam result was not good at all. It's chemistry where I managed a D and biology and physics was an E overall D because I got an A in coursework in set 5. Combined science higher could have been a C or D overall C or B with additional science too.

(edited 11 months ago)

Reply 5

Justcurious_yr12

When my aunt was doing her GCSEs she had similar issues and ended up getting a C then took science subjects at A level and got an E and nearly failed, got an E in maths as well.
Eventually she changed her stream and left STEM behind for many years but always regretted that she should have done better. When her own child was doing GCSEs she decided to learn the subject again so she could help them. She was always going on about how the subject was so easy and always wondered what went wrong before. She even helped other kids with their GCSEs for science and maths and eventually started giving tuition and went further to learn A level content by herself. A few years later she joined a secondary school as a teacher and is now head of department for Maths. I wouldn't have believed the story if she wasn't my aunt and I wouldn't have seen her transcripts but it's true. Even after all that she still regrets she didn't push herself in the past but does make sure to push all the kids she is teaching.

The possibility of finishing your education or improving is always there. Your teacher should have pushed you to stay in set 5 or moved you to a better set. It is possible they were new in the profession or they might be too empathetic to the emotional distraught you were feeling that they thought it was better for you to move away from the situation.
One of the girls in my school was moved from triple science higher to combined higher. She was doing quite badly due to her being continuously bullied. She was also moved down in the maths set. The school could have moved the bully but they decided to move her. Reasoning was simply that her anxiety was stopping her from learning and a lower set would benefit. In the end, she did end up scoring the highest in the school but the way I take this is that school would always end up removing the victim and moving them to disadvantage them further. Might work for some and not for others. Bullying has always been there and schools really need to be better at tackling it rather than just doing the minimum.
I am glad it worked for you with Maths and if you are good at it then you can be good at science too. When the time is right, enrol and have another go at science GCSE.

Reply 6

Anony345533

Original post by Justcurious_yr12

When my aunt was doing her GCSEs she had similar issues and ended up getting a C then took science subjects at A level and got an E and nearly failed, got an E in maths as well.
Eventually she changed her stream and left STEM behind for many years but always regretted that she should have done better. When her own child was doing GCSEs she decided to learn the subject again so she could help them. She was always going on about how the subject was so easy and always wondered what went wrong before. She even helped other kids with their GCSEs for science and maths and eventually started giving tuition and went further to learn A level content by herself. A few years later she joined a secondary school as a teacher and is now head of department for Maths. I wouldn't have believed the story if she wasn't my aunt and I wouldn't have seen her transcripts but it's true. Even after all that she still regrets she didn't push herself in the past but does make sure to push all the kids she is teaching.
The possibility of finishing your education or improving is always there. Your teacher should have pushed you to stay in set 5 or moved you to a better set. It is possible they were new in the profession or they might be too empathetic to the emotional distraught you were feeling that they thought it was better for you to move away from the situation.
One of the girls in my school was moved from triple science higher to combined higher. She was doing quite badly due to her being continuously bullied. She was also moved down in the maths set. The school could have moved the bully but they decided to move her. Reasoning was simply that her anxiety was stopping her from learning and a lower set would benefit. In the end, she did end up scoring the highest in the school but the way I take this is that school would always end up removing the victim and moving them to disadvantage them further. Might work for some and not for others. Bullying has always been there and schools really need to be better at tackling it rather than just doing the minimum.
I am glad it worked for you with Maths and if you are good at it then you can be good at science too. When the time is right, enrol and have another go at science GCSE.

Your aunt's story actually gives me hope. The fact that she went on to be the head of Maths after all those years even after failing in science and maths.

My teacher wasn't new as he was there even when my brother was there and he is turning 30. He wasn't even aware of why I really wanted to leave, like he thought I wanted to do just 1 GCSE and do single science but the actual reason was potential bullying which funnily the students knew about but the teacher had absolutely no idea and this was because the girl bullying me may not have even come down from set 2 to set 5. I didn't even tell him, I couldn't tell him for some reason, maybe because he was a male teacher and I find it scary speaking to men and I am a woman and I feel more comfortable confiding in women. It's like I paid the price for the bully and went down to a foundation tier set and failed, like you said, the victim is the one that pays the price. I wasn't in any situation in set 5, I just left and this was because of the potential bullying but the fact is the bullying didn't actually happen yet in set 5 so the teacher had no idea there was a darker reason why I wanted to leave. People usually make sure the bullying happens before they move sets or make sure the bully is actually coming before making a decision to leave but I just left and paid the price because of me being extreme, negative and hypersensitive.

There's so many careers you can do with science that's why I am kicking myself all these years later. You could become a doctor, forensic scientist, loads of things. Given I am like borderline D/C I think with the right teacher (which was my set 5 teacher) on the higher tier I can do better and improve but maybe a career in science is not for me because I am borderline D/C and because I can't learn science unless the teacher taught me it so I would 100% struggle with A Level sciences since it requires independent work.

I think another reason why I wanted to leave was because I was tired of him and higher tier and wanted to mix things and do foundation but I never pass foundation because you have to score more marks to pass. If I had moved up a set yes I would have been bullied as I know people in set 4 who would bully me but this is verbally which I am used to, I would worry about whether I can cope moving up because I am borderline D/C. I think my teacher thought I wanted to leave because my friend was leaving the set but that wasn't the reason. It was for a darker reason. It's actually weird how I wanted to go down and he gave me a chance whilst he used to always say to students "you are going to set 6, you are going to set 7" and it used to scare them because going down sets could mean failure. Me because I am negative and some may see this as weird wanted to move down. I wanted to go down so that's why he asked in the lunch queue how set 6 was, if I moved up he wouldn't have said anything. If I asked to move up I am sure he would have moved me up but even then there are people better than me in set 5 as it was mixed ability and I am at the bottom of set 5 top of set 6. There was a person next to me who got 2 Us in a mock but was given a chance otherwise we as a set in set 5 aimed for 2 Cs on combined science higher none of us got it. We all failed one paper and got a D or C in the other. There was one person with 2 Ds. Its a shame I had to leave because I liked him as a teacher, but also I was scared of failing with a U in the real thing after being one mark off a D in one paper. The people kept in set 5 was the people with at least one pass of D and C since we all failed one paper with a U, I was kept in.

What I found in set 6 was yes I was obviously too clever for the class and achieved a grade higher than them so what set 5 got, but the format of exams and not teaching me higher meant not being able to do higher and I could do foundation just like everyone else in my set. My teacher in set 6 did want me to do higher but given I failed in a mock I didn't do it and I can only do combined science on higher tier like we did in set 5. To me it seems like there's the passing sets 1-5 in science doing higher combined science and set 6 and 7 were the failing sets, I went from passing to failing just like maths where sets 1 and 2 pass on higher tier and sets 3-6 fail on foundation. My year group had a problem with maths.

If I did science GCSE it would be the new one with more content and how does the new GCSE work like are most people entered in for synergy or trilogy?