Bf his kids ? Is this going to be a problem now

Hi so I’ve been dating my bf for almost 3 years now. He works during the week so I see him every weekend. I’m not use to seeing a bf for this long I usually see them more often.

Anyways he has 3 kids 9-13 years age and sees them for a day on the weekend but not overnight as he only has 1 bedroom flat. His kids have stayed over when I’ve been on holiday however but this has only been like 3 times.

Anyways he has said in conversation ‘my son said he wants to spend the weekend at mine’ ( knowning weekend is the only time I see him) then he said he feels like his son don’t like staying with the mum. And the son said he wants to come alone but the mum won’t allow it unless all the kids come.

Anyways I don’t know how this will affect my relationship with my bf. What do I do? I hate the fact my bf clearly doesn’t communicate well.

Also because I’ve been with him this long and him spending time with his sons haven’t clashed with me I haven’t had a problem but now I’m starting to see it might start clashing what will I do?

I’m personally not willing to give up time for this. But I don’t want to be a b I t c h. I’m 9 years younger than my bf. I don’t work and just finished uni so I enjoy spending time at his on the weekend as I get a break from my house

Pls help. No judgment just advice please. Also I don’t like telling my bf what to do he needs to come up with a solution as these are his kids and he needs to take responsibility in his kids and me and balancing that.

I haven’t met the kids and I don’t want to unless we are about to get married as I don’t think it’s right thing to do.

Reply 1

StriderHort

"I’m personally not willing to give up time for this"

End it then, you won't win that one, you might not want the kids in your life but they're already in his and you've known this for a long time.

Reply 2

Mohammed_2000

Original post by Anonymous

Hi so I’ve been dating my bf for almost 3 years now. He works during the week so I see him every weekend. I’m not use to seeing a bf for this long I usually see them more often.
Anyways he has 3 kids 9-13 years age and sees them for a day on the weekend but not overnight as he only has 1 bedroom flat. His kids have stayed over when I’ve been on holiday however but this has only been like 3 times.
Anyways he has said in conversation ‘my son said he wants to spend the weekend at mine’ ( knowning weekend is the only time I see him) then he said he feels like his son don’t like staying with the mum. And the son said he wants to come alone but the mum won’t allow it unless all the kids come.
Anyways I don’t know how this will affect my relationship with my bf. What do I do? I hate the fact my bf clearly doesn’t communicate well.
Also because I’ve been with him this long and him spending time with his sons haven’t clashed with me I haven’t had a problem but now I’m starting to see it might start clashing what will I do?
I’m personally not willing to give up time for this. But I don’t want to be a b I t c h. I’m 9 years younger than my bf. I don’t work and just finished uni so I enjoy spending time at his on the weekend as I get a break from my house
Pls help. No judgment just advice please. Also I don’t like telling my bf what to do he needs to come up with a solution as these are his kids and he needs to take responsibility in his kids and me and balancing that.
I haven’t met the kids and I don’t want to unless we are about to get married as I don’t think it’s right thing to do.

Come to the acceptance it’s his kids that come first over you. You ain’t priority in his eyes and he clearly has no time for you unless in the probable likelihood you come to the acceptance you may meet his kids one day and make the most of time spent together then. Otherwise leave the relationship. Kids over relationship first.

Reply 3

Surnia

Life & Style Forum Helper

"Is this going to be a problem now"

Now? You've been finding problems with the relationship for months; him giving lifts to his ex's mum, meeting up his ex, seeing his kids, not seeing you. Why are you still in this relationship when you clearly aren't happy with it?

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by StriderHort

"I’m personally not willing to give up time for this"
End it then, you won't win that one, you might not want the kids in your life but they're already in his and you've known this for a long time.

Yes I’ve known for a long time however I have explained that they didn’t stay often and now it looks like his kid wants to stay more often

Reply 5

StriderHort

Original post by Anonymous

Yes I’ve known for a long time however I have explained that they didn’t stay often and now it looks like his kid wants to stay more often

Yip, well that's that. You can't be in anyway surprised or shocked about a parent wanting to spend more time with their kid, assuming he's not a deadbeat that's a relationship that's going to evolve, regardless of small barriers like home size.

I think you need to work out what you actually want here, if you're still not 'serious' enough to meet or form a relationship with his kids after 3 years, then you probably aren't going to be. You're spelling it out yourself that as soon as those kids affect you in any way you're resenting it and It's not like you can sit and claim you work all week or have other commitments so can only see him at that time, you're unemployed and it's just mildly inconvenient for you.