The Student Room Group

HELP! Parents refusing to let me move into halls even though commuting would be long!

Hi!! so my parents are very very strict asian parents and are refusing to let me move into halls for a London uni, even though my commute would be 2hrs in the morning and 2hrs at night - not to mention having to get up early and sleep later. It's not even a money thing since I will be paying with my loans for both halls and uni so really they just want to control me :/ I get the safety thing, but getting the tube at like 10pm isn't really the safest thing either - please help! what can I say to convince them and has anyone gone through anything similar? what did your parents do?
Just move out, worry about the fallout later. I mean what else can you do?
I assume that you will be eighteen or more when you start university. I am sorry that you have controlling parents. Some parents falsely believe that a children is the property of the parents. Some parents do not know how to show love, or do not know how to let go when childhood ends. Your parents may not not understand the negative impact on your student experience and possibly your degree result which their attitude could have.

You can try to explain that your studies may suffer if you are tired from long commutes, and also explain that the university experience is about more than just study. It's also about growing as a young adult by independent living and mingling with your peer group. This does not have to entail crazy partying, but if you want to party you have a right to do so. Maybe enlist the aid of a tutor who might say "I would rather have an alert student than a student tired by commuting".

It is hard to engage in conflict with your parents, but the best thing may be to take the adult step and move into university accommodation, explaining calmly why you are doing this.

Universities sometimes have help available for students estranged from their families. Maybe check with the welfare team at your university.

Good luck.
(edited 1 month ago)
PS: If the university has a society, support group, or Chaplaincy for members of your ethnic and/or cultural and/or religious group, maybe get involved with those organisations early on, and perhaps ask their senior members of those organisations to communicate with your parents, explaining that university is not a threat to cultural identity.
(edited 1 month ago)
A 4 hour hour commute is simply not viable or maintainable, this will severely impact your work, social life, hobbies & mental health.

Ultimately it’s not your parents decision, you will be an adult at university and you need to decide for yourself what you do.
Reply 5
Original post by random_matt
Just move out, worry about the fallout later. I mean what else can you do?

so true tbh - I think I'll try having a sit down with them tonight and talk it out
Reply 6
Original post by Stiffy Byng
I assume that you will be eighteen or more when you start university. I am sorry that you have controlling parents. Some parents falsely believe that a children is the property of the parents. Some parents do not know how to show love, or do not know how to let go when childhood ends. Your parents may not not understand the negative impact on your student experience and possibly your degree result which their attitude could have.
You can try to explain that your studies may suffer if you are tired from long commutes, and also explain that the university experience is about more than just study. It's also about growing as a young adult by independent living and mingling with your peer group. This does not have to entail crazy partying, but if you want to party you have a right to do so. Maybe enlist the aid of a tutor who might say "I would rather have an alert student than a student tired by commuting".
It is hard to engage in conflict with your parents, but the best thing may be to take the adult step and move into university accommodation, explaining calmly why you are doing this.
Universities sometimes have help available for students estranged from their families. Maybe check with the welfare team at your university.
Good luck.

Yes, I'll be 19 when I start uni since my birthday is a couple days before, thank you so much for your detailed response and I'll try explaining those points to them later tonight! I think they think its easy because my mum went to uni in Korea and commuted but that's because she joined late and couldn't move into halls and transport is much better in korea!! hopefully it all goes well, tysm!!
Reply 7
Original post by Stiffy Byng
PS: If the university has a society, support group, or Chaplaincy for members of your ethnic and/or cultural and/or religious group, maybe get involved with those organisations early on, and perhaps ask their senior members of those organisations to communicate with your parents, explaining that university is not a threat to cultural identity.

that's really helpful I'll definitely be doing that as well! thank you
Reply 8
Original post by mnot
A 4 hour hour commute is simply not viable or maintainable, this will severely impact your work, social life, hobbies & mental health.
Ultimately it’s not your parents decision, you will be an adult at university and you need to decide for yourself what you do.

exactly, tysm!
OP, you might enjoy this TV show if you haven't already seen it. The lead character is a Korean-American academic at a fictional Ivy League university.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOqtBtWGl1Q

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