The Student Room Group

The guy I've been talking to might have a girlfriend...

I met a guy on a dating app almost a year ago. We hit it off and things got a little heated (not all the way). He was my first kiss and my first sexual experience.

We both moved away but have maintained a casual, but intimate, relationship despite the distance. We’re not in an official relationship, but we are definitely not just friends either. He talks about NSFW stuff to me often and I also am attracted to him so I entertain it. It has been a long time since we met in person because I live in a small town with my parents and there is no privacy so I feel uncomfortable inviting him and he hasn’t invited me for unknown reasons. However, we both have the intention to meet again to my knowledge. I’d also like to note that he knows he’s the only guy I talk to, and he constantly insinuates he only talks to me.

A couple of weeks ago, I found pictures of him with another girl. It didn’t make me angry per se, just a little sad because I immediately knew I wouldn’t be comfortable continuing the intimate stuff with the knowledge that there are other girls. (My discomfort with this only became apparent to me once I'd found out, so in hindsight I know I should've set stricter boundaries on our topics of conversation.)

However, the more I think about it, the more I think it’s not just an ‘another girl’ situation, but a girlfriend/me being ’the other woman’ situation. This girl has posted him on her social media often, went to important events with her like weddings/birthdays with her friends, they have been on solo excursions together… Would you do that with a guy you’re just seeing? He does have many female friends so it could be that, and technically the pictures aren‘t completely coupley (he does have his arm around her in one) but he posts pictures with his other friends on his social media but there has not been a trace of this girl… Why is he hiding her? It’s all so strange.

I’ve been trying to act normal since seeing it and not overreact, but it really is bothering me. But also don't feel it's my place to bring up/accuse him of anything. I would just feel terrible if he has had a girlfriend this whole time and I’ve been having conversations with him about sex. I feel bad for the girl, and I'd feel bad for myself who has become invested in and actually likes this guy. I honestly don’t know how to navigate this.
I'd ask him about this girl and whether he has moved on from you. I know it's difficult to do, but for your peace of mind you should seek answers so you can recover from any discomforting thoughts or feelings.
Reply 2
If you can have a NSFW conversation with someone but not discuss a possible girlfriend you have your priorities all wrong. Just ask him; if it's going to be a while before you meet at least do it on the phone and not over messages.
My only advice to this is Go out more dear. That's the thing if you can get a guy who already has a girlfriend. What's stopping you from getting your own.

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