Can anyone rate my GCSE history 12 mark essay and give me tips to improve

Explain why the German economy experienced recovery between 1924 and 1929.
The German economy experienced massive recovery from 1924 and 1929, to begin, with, Gustav Stresemann scrapped the old worthless German currency, and replaced it with a new currency, the Rentenmark. By strictly limiting the amount of this currency in circulation, Stresemann was able to fix the hyperinflation crisis and stabilised the German currency. He also introduced a home building plan, he planned to build over 2 million homes from 1924-31. This created a lot of job opportunities giving more Germans a wage fixing unemployment problems. This meant that Germans were able to spend more money, therefore, the economy improved.
Another reason the German economy experienced recovery was due to the Dawes plan which was agreed to in 1924. It meant that France and Belgium would withdraw from the Ruhr, this meant that the Germans were able to use their money that they made from the Ruhr rather than the French and the Belgians taking it as it was the heart of the German industry, and its raw resources made them a lot of money therefore the Germans now had more money for themselves. Due to this, they could use the money to benefit the economy. The Dawes plan also meant that the USA lent Germany the equivalent of Forty million pounds. This helped significantly to pay off their debts meaning they had more money to keep for themselves.
The German economy also experienced recovery due to the fact that Weimar government had improved its international relations, and the allies agreed to the young plan in 1929. This reduced the reparation payments to a quarter of the cost, and the Germans had 59 years to pay. This meant that the Germans had to pay less to the allies therefore the economy improved as they had more money for themselves to spend on things like education and infrastructure.

group ur ideas into 3 big causes

but what do you think of it

Explain why the German economy experienced recovery between 1924 and 1929.
The German economy experienced massive recovery from 1924 and 1929, to begin, with, Gustav Stresemann scrapped the old worthless German currency, and replaced it with a new currency, the Rentenmark. By strictly limiting the amount of this currency in circulation, Stresemann was able to fix the hyperinflation crisis and stabilised the German currency. He also introduced a home building plan, he planned to build over 2 million homes from 1924-31. This created a lot of job opportunities giving more Germans a wage fixing unemployment problems. This meant that Germans were able to spend more money, therefore, the economy improved.
Another reason the German economy experienced recovery was due to the Dawes plan which was agreed to in 1924. It meant that France and Belgium would withdraw from the Ruhr, this meant that the Germans were able to use their money that they made from the Ruhr rather than the French and the Belgians taking it as it was the heart of the German industry, and its raw resources made them a lot of money therefore the Germans now had more money for themselves. Due to this, they could use the money to benefit the economy. The Dawes plan also meant that the USA lent Germany the equivalent of Forty million pounds. This helped significantly to pay off their debts meaning they had more money to keep for themselves.
The German economy also experienced recovery due to the fact that Weimar government had improved its international relations, and the allies agreed to the young plan in 1929. This reduced the reparation payments to a quarter of the cost, and the Germans had 59 years to pay. This meant that the Germans had to pay less to the allies therefore the economy improved as they had more money for themselves to spend on things like education and infrastructure.

hey, I would say around 6-7/12 atm, I would say to improve look at the complexity of each factor: what groups did this specifically benefit? What limitations does each factor have?
E.g. the Dawes plan meant American companies established factories in Germany, which specifically aided industrial workers, whose wages (before Stresseman’s solution) were significantly lower than before the war. However, some people believed that the German economy relied too heavily on American loans, and in the case of a crisis the US may recall these, leaving Germany bankrupt once again.
Also, for the top band it’s crucial to explore the relationship between factors

I also think what revision52 said is crucial - your ability to recall contextual knowledge is amazing, however you could approve the organisation of ideas - the point in your first paragraph could be a lot clearer and it would benefit you to link back to the question a lot more so the examiner could see to award you marks (alternatively, write a 4-5 sentence conclusion tying all your points up clearly). This is important especially as you’ve hinted at the importance of your factors socially (which is very could and ties into complexity of the factor), however the question is the economic impact

Explain why the German economy experienced recovery between 1924 and 1929.
The German economy experienced massive recovery from 1924 and 1929, to begin, with, Gustav Stresemann scrapped the old worthless German currency, and replaced it with a new currency, the Rentenmark. By strictly limiting the amount of this currency in circulation, Stresemann was able to fix the hyperinflation crisis and stabilised the German currency. He also introduced a home building plan, he planned to build over 2 million homes from 1924-31. This created a lot of job opportunities giving more Germans a wage fixing unemployment problems. This meant that Germans were able to spend more money, therefore, the economy improved.
Another reason the German economy experienced recovery was due to the Dawes plan which was agreed to in 1924. It meant that France and Belgium would withdraw from the Ruhr, this meant that the Germans were able to use their money that they made from the Ruhr rather than the French and the Belgians taking it as it was the heart of the German industry, and its raw resources made them a lot of money therefore the Germans now had more money for themselves. Due to this, they could use the money to benefit the economy. The Dawes plan also meant that the USA lent Germany the equivalent of Forty million pounds. This helped significantly to pay off their debts meaning they had more money to keep for themselves.
The German economy also experienced recovery due to the fact that Weimar government had improved its international relations, and the allies agreed to the young plan in 1929. This reduced the reparation payments to a quarter of the cost, and the Germans had 59 years to pay. This meant that the Germans had to pay less to the allies therefore the economy improved as they had more money for themselves to spend on things like education and infrastructure.