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Can anyone rate my GCSE history 12 mark essay and give me tips to improve it

Which of the following had a greater impact on the German people?
The treaty of Versailles
The hyperinflation crises of 1923?

The hyper-inflation crisis of 1923 had huge impacts on all German people across the country. In 1918, a loaf of bread cost 1 mark, but by the end of 1923, it costed 201 billion marks, this was a big impact on the German people who used to live comfortable lives as they were now struggling to feed their families. This meant that the German people were angry as they were now struggling to survive because of the hyper-inflation. Another way the hyper-inflation crisis had an impact on the German people was the fact that many Germans who had saved all their lives now had practically no money left, it had become worthless. A businessman who sold all his properties in the war and retired comfortably would have lost all the money he made as the money had become worthless, this made the German people even more angry as their life savings were now gone so they were struggling to survive. This led to them rebelling against the Government with the Kapp-Putsch which the workers supported. This shows the impact the hyperinflation had as it caused the German people to join in with the rebellions as they were unhappy.
The Treaty of Versailles however, had an even bigger impact on the German people. Article 231 stated that Germany had to take full blame of the war. This angered the German people as they were humiliated by taking the full blame of the war which they didn’t solely start. Another impact the treaty of Versailles had was limiting the military of Germany. The army was limited to 100,000 men and they weren’t allowed an Airforce. In addition, they were not allowed to station troops in the Rhineland leaving them open to attacks from the West. This upset the German people as it led to them feeling very vulnerable. The treaty also meant that Germany had to pay 6,600 million dollars in reparation payments. This led to the government printing more money leading to the hyperinflation crisis of 1923 which negatively affected all Germans by making all their bank savings worthless, this made the German people furious as they were now struggling to survive with practically no money left up saved in the bank. The treaty also meant that Germany had to give up some of its land including Alsace-Lorraine. This infuriated the Germans in these places as they were proud of their nation and now had to be displaced from it affecting their sense of identity.
In conclusion, the Treaty of Versailles had a bigger impact on the German people compared to the hyperinflation crisis. The hyperinflation crisis purely had economical impacts, while the treaty of Versailles affected the economy, it affected the militarism of the country, while also affecting the pride of the nation.
Reply 1
Original post by suffyank0001
Which of the following had a greater impact on the German people?
The treaty of Versailles
The hyperinflation crises of 1923?
The hyper-inflation crisis of 1923 had huge impacts on all German people across the country. In 1918, a loaf of bread cost 1 mark, but by the end of 1923, it costed 201 billion marks, this was a big impact on the German people who used to live comfortable lives as they were now struggling to feed their families. This meant that the German people were angry as they were now struggling to survive because of the hyper-inflation. Another way the hyper-inflation crisis had an impact on the German people was the fact that many Germans who had saved all their lives now had practically no money left, it had become worthless. A businessman who sold all his properties in the war and retired comfortably would have lost all the money he made as the money had become worthless, this made the German people even more angry as their life savings were now gone so they were struggling to survive. This led to them rebelling against the Government with the Kapp-Putsch which the workers supported. This shows the impact the hyperinflation had as it caused the German people to join in with the rebellions as they were unhappy.
The Treaty of Versailles however, had an even bigger impact on the German people. Article 231 stated that Germany had to take full blame of the war. This angered the German people as they were humiliated by taking the full blame of the war which they didn’t solely start. Another impact the treaty of Versailles had was limiting the military of Germany. The army was limited to 100,000 men and they weren’t allowed an Airforce. In addition, they were not allowed to station troops in the Rhineland leaving them open to attacks from the West. This upset the German people as it led to them feeling very vulnerable. The treaty also meant that Germany had to pay 6,600 million dollars in reparation payments. This led to the government printing more money leading to the hyperinflation crisis of 1923 which negatively affected all Germans by making all their bank savings worthless, this made the German people furious as they were now struggling to survive with practically no money left up saved in the bank. The treaty also meant that Germany had to give up some of its land including Alsace-Lorraine. This infuriated the Germans in these places as they were proud of their nation and now had to be displaced from it affecting their sense of identity.
In conclusion, the Treaty of Versailles had a bigger impact on the German people compared to the hyperinflation crisis. The hyperinflation crisis purely had economical impacts, while the treaty of Versailles affected the economy, it affected the militarism of the country, while also affecting the pride of the nation.

from what i understand thats really good! I dont do this part of the course but your knowlage sounds right and your structure and explination is very good. keep up the good work!
(edited 1 month ago)
Original post by lois08
from what i understand thats really good! I dont do this part of the course but your knowlage sounds right and your structure and explination is very good. keep up the good work!

cheers i appreciate it
Original post by suffyank0001
Which of the following had a greater impact on the German people?
The treaty of Versailles
The hyperinflation crises of 1923?
The hyper-inflation crisis of 1923 had huge impacts on all German people across the country. In 1918, a loaf of bread cost 1 mark, but by the end of 1923, it costed 201 billion marks, this was a big impact on the German people who used to live comfortable lives as they were now struggling to feed their families. This meant that the German people were angry as they were now struggling to survive because of the hyper-inflation. Another way the hyper-inflation crisis had an impact on the German people was the fact that many Germans who had saved all their lives now had practically no money left, it had become worthless. A businessman who sold all his properties in the war and retired comfortably would have lost all the money he made as the money had become worthless, this made the German people even more angry as their life savings were now gone so they were struggling to survive. This led to them rebelling against the Government with the Kapp-Putsch which the workers supported. This shows the impact the hyperinflation had as it caused the German people to join in with the rebellions as they were unhappy.
The Treaty of Versailles however, had an even bigger impact on the German people. Article 231 stated that Germany had to take full blame of the war. This angered the German people as they were humiliated by taking the full blame of the war which they didn’t solely start. Another impact the treaty of Versailles had was limiting the military of Germany. The army was limited to 100,000 men and they weren’t allowed an Airforce. In addition, they were not allowed to station troops in the Rhineland leaving them open to attacks from the West. This upset the German people as it led to them feeling very vulnerable. The treaty also meant that Germany had to pay 6,600 million dollars in reparation payments. This led to the government printing more money leading to the hyperinflation crisis of 1923 which negatively affected all Germans by making all their bank savings worthless, this made the German people furious as they were now struggling to survive with practically no money left up saved in the bank. The treaty also meant that Germany had to give up some of its land including Alsace-Lorraine. This infuriated the Germans in these places as they were proud of their nation and now had to be displaced from it affecting their sense of identity.
In conclusion, the Treaty of Versailles had a bigger impact on the German people compared to the hyperinflation crisis. The hyperinflation crisis purely had economical impacts, while the treaty of Versailles affected the economy, it affected the militarism of the country, while also affecting the pride of the nation.

Great knowledge and linking to question, for a 12 marker only write 3 PEEL paragraphs and group ur paragraphs into 3 big causes and you don't need a conclusion. I would award this 8/12
Original post by revision52
Great knowledge and linking to question, for a 12 marker only write 3 PEEL paragraphs and group ur paragraphs into 3 big causes and you don't need a conclusion. I would award this 8/12

what would i need to make it a 12/12
Original post by suffyank0001
what would i need to make it a 12/12

Only 3 paragraphs which should have 3 umbrella causes/categories. Give 2-3 pieces of evidence for each cause so for each paragraph but in order to get the high marks we need to link and explain how that piece of evidence had an impact on the German. *no introduction and no conclusion,*, Just 3 categorical coherent paragraphs (point/cause) give evidence then explain

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