How to feel about my elderly father?
So I am 16 and my dad is 68. I feel bad saying it but he isn't really the best dad for many many reasons, the main ones being he embarrasses us all the time, complains about money problems to anyone and everyone and the main reason- he doesn't kick out our severely abusive half brother who is in his 40s (my dad is lowkey scared of him) my dad hears me and my sister's begging and screaming for him to get rid of our half brother but he does nothing. Not to mention what they (half brother and half sister) made my mum go through when she was pregnant with my older sister and my dad didn't control them. Many more reasons.
However he does drop me to school everyday, do little things like cut us fruit, buy us things that we normally use up quickly and more but I still can't forgive him, and my mum gets pretty mad when I'm a bit mean. I don't want to be but I can't control my feelings sometimes (most of the time its something to do w/ my half brother). There's a lot more but I cant write everything of course.
Earlier my dad did say something along the lines of he thinks I'll forget him if he passes. This broke my heart and I had to leave the room to have a cry. Also my mum says I will regret how I act when he does go. I know I will and that makes it hurt even more, because I don't know how to act with him or feel about him. I can't ask him anything about his life because he is always stressed or kind of miserable or can't remember.
Anyone have any advice? thank you
However he does drop me to school everyday, do little things like cut us fruit, buy us things that we normally use up quickly and more but I still can't forgive him, and my mum gets pretty mad when I'm a bit mean. I don't want to be but I can't control my feelings sometimes (most of the time its something to do w/ my half brother). There's a lot more but I cant write everything of course.
Earlier my dad did say something along the lines of he thinks I'll forget him if he passes. This broke my heart and I had to leave the room to have a cry. Also my mum says I will regret how I act when he does go. I know I will and that makes it hurt even more, because I don't know how to act with him or feel about him. I can't ask him anything about his life because he is always stressed or kind of miserable or can't remember.
Anyone have any advice? thank you
Reply 1
Having older parents is very difficult. My dad is 50 while I'm 19 (which is the usual) but my youngest sister is 9, so she would get it more. I kind of understand your difficulty and empathize with your living situation, feeling these feelings is very normal and understandable. If your own father is scared of his own kids and they are abusive it must be very bad. Often fathers are not open with there emotions and show it in small gestures like food, shopping and material things. Especially if your father is 68 he must have grown up in a very different time where emotions were almost taboo for men. I'm sure your dad loves you but he must be under alot of stress and maybe not really feeling connected with you as much so he feels that he is not loved, and therefore forgettable.
I advise maybe take on journaling, keeping a diary in order to channel your feeling in another way without verbally hurting your dad. I'm sure your going to feel guilty especially when he passes away and your going to regret how you spoke. Often even abused children feel guilty towards their abusive parents when they pass, let alone what we will feel when loving parents pass away.
I advise maybe take on journaling, keeping a diary in order to channel your feeling in another way without verbally hurting your dad. I'm sure your going to feel guilty especially when he passes away and your going to regret how you spoke. Often even abused children feel guilty towards their abusive parents when they pass, let alone what we will feel when loving parents pass away.
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