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What should I do? Please help

Okay, to understand what I'm asking you will need some context from last year. Basically I made friends with this girl and we got on super well, as in we would text fairly often outside of school. But them she started making comments about how I was "boring" and had no hobbies which got to be a bit so I distanced myself. Later on I found out that she'd told my friends I was the love of her life. I rejected her that night over text and she told my friends she was completely over me. After that I avoided her a little bit but started talking a little to her again this year. She's going through some awful things at home right now and I really want to be there for her as a friend but she keeps doing things that make me uncomfortable eg stroking my hair, grabbing my arm, leaning on my shoulder. I want you to know that in no way am I homophobic(as I am bi) but I have tried to subtly tell her I'm not okay with this and she's not getting the hint. What do I do as I don't want to make things worse for her?

Reply 1

Original post
by Anonymous
Okay, to understand what I'm asking you will need some context from last year. Basically I made friends with this girl and we got on super well, as in we would text fairly often outside of school. But them she started making comments about how I was "boring" and had no hobbies which got to be a bit so I distanced myself. Later on I found out that she'd told my friends I was the love of her life. I rejected her that night over text and she told my friends she was completely over me. After that I avoided her a little bit but started talking a little to her again this year. She's going through some awful things at home right now and I really want to be there for her as a friend but she keeps doing things that make me uncomfortable eg stroking my hair, grabbing my arm, leaning on my shoulder. I want you to know that in no way am I homophobic(as I am bi) but I have tried to subtly tell her I'm not okay with this and she's not getting the hint. What do I do as I don't want to make things worse for her?

Well if you've started taking a liking to her don't you want to be more than friends with her? If not and she doesn't respect boundaries or listen to you asking her to stop then you should just distance yourself from her.

Reply 2

Original post
by Anonymous
Okay, to understand what I'm asking you will need some context from last year. Basically I made friends with this girl and we got on super well, as in we would text fairly often outside of school. But them she started making comments about how I was "boring" and had no hobbies which got to be a bit so I distanced myself. Later on I found out that she'd told my friends I was the love of her life. I rejected her that night over text and she told my friends she was completely over me. After that I avoided her a little bit but started talking a little to her again this year. She's going through some awful things at home right now and I really want to be there for her as a friend but she keeps doing things that make me uncomfortable eg stroking my hair, grabbing my arm, leaning on my shoulder. I want you to know that in no way am I homophobic(as I am bi) but I have tried to subtly tell her I'm not okay with this and she's not getting the hint. What do I do as I don't want to make things worse for her?


I would be more firm with this, set your boundaries. It is upsetting that she’s going through rough times, however that does not give her a reason to make you feel uncomfortable.

Tell her that you don’t like what she’s doing, preferably when it’s just the two of you. If she gets defensive and doesn’t respect your boundaries, be more firm at that moment in time or distance yourself from her from that point.

Reply 3

Original post
by Anonymous
Well if you've started taking a liking to her don't you want to be more than friends with her? If not and she doesn't respect boundaries or listen to you asking her to stop then you should just distance yourself from her.


I think she's a good person but I'm just not attracted to her. I'm mostly friends with her because a lot of people are mean to her due to her somewhat abrasive personality. Honestly I probably haven't voiced my discomfort in a way she understands as she is a bit oblivious to normal social cues but I'm scared that I will make her feel even worse than she already does because she's having a hard time. I don't want to distance myself from her in case shes isolates and has no one to talk to. Thanks for commenting though

Reply 4

Original post
by Anonymous
I would be more firm with this, set your boundaries. It is upsetting that she’s going through rough times, however that does not give her a reason to make you feel uncomfortable.
Tell her that you don’t like what she’s doing, preferably when it’s just the two of you. If she gets defensive and doesn’t respect your boundaries, be more firm at that moment in time or distance yourself from her from that point.


The only reason I was unsure about talking to her/distancing myself from herwas because she has told me she self harms and I know this can lead to worse things. However the appropriate people have been informed and are dealing with this. Thanks for taking the time to comment, I will follow your advice and try talking to her.

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