The Student Room Group

Is it weird to message my former tutor randomly after two decades of lost contact?

I am a male in my mid-30s, and my elderly former tutor—I guess she's in her 80s or 90s now—visited my home three times a week after school to tutor me from when I was seven until my early teens.

I fondly remember her tutoring me in my childhood. One weekend, she invited me to her house, and I met some of her grandchildren.

The last time I saw her was in 2002, about two years before I completed my high school education. Shortly after, she sent us a Christmas card wishing our family, and I didn't bother to write back. That year was the last time I saw or heard from her.

After so many years, until the Christmas of 2022, she randomly came to mind when I was reminiscing about my childhood. I wondered, "How is she doing after so many years with no contact?" "Is she still alive?" "How would she react if I were to show up on her doorstep with a Christmas card?"

Because we had not spoken for so many years, I felt I hadn't shown her the appreciation she deserved for tutoring me. So, I wrote her a card to let her know I remembered her and had fond memories of her.

As I made my way to her house, I was excited to see her and give her the Christmas card. No one answered when I knocked on her door, so I checked the windows. My world turned upside down when I saw signs that she was no longer living there. So, I asked her neighbours, and they informed me that she had passed away about ten years ago.

After hearing the sad news, I regretted not contacting her and sending her a card many years ago.

Fast-forward to recently, photography of plants and animals is a part of my hobby. I posted some photos on a Facebook group specifically for the local area. I received many likes until I saw her exact name in my notifications. I checked her profile photo, and she looked like the same person. I thought I had lost hope.

I thought about messaging her with something like, "Hello. Are you the person who tutored me over 20 years ago? Your name sounds very familiar. If so, I have fond childhood memories of being tutored by you."

I doubt she can see the hidden message. I also considered inviting her to a coffee place or something because I don't want to have any regrets in the future.

Reply 1

Not weird! Its just showing your appreciation and I'm sure she'd be very happy

Reply 2

Yeah this sounds a bit weird tbh, particularly since after 20 years you've got significantly invested in the idea, you were pretty optimistic they still stayed in the same place 20 years on, that shouldn't turn your world upside down.

Just to be clear, you've been told this person passed away and you've decided that these people are lying to you or somehow mistaken? This other person shares nothing more than a few coincidences but you sound like you've already convinced yourself and got emotionally invested again?

Reply 3

Sounds like a good plan, go for it. Kindness and appreciation 👍

Reply 4

Original post
by rt28
I am a male in my mid-30s, and my elderly former tutor—I guess she's in her 80s or 90s now—visited my home three times a week after school to tutor me from when I was seven until my early teens.
I fondly remember her tutoring me in my childhood. One weekend, she invited me to her house, and I met some of her grandchildren.
The last time I saw her was in 2002, about two years before I completed my high school education. Shortly after, she sent us a Christmas card wishing our family, and I didn't bother to write back. That year was the last time I saw or heard from her.
After so many years, until the Christmas of 2022, she randomly came to mind when I was reminiscing about my childhood. I wondered, "How is she doing after so many years with no contact?" "Is she still alive?" "How would she react if I were to show up on her doorstep with a Christmas card?"
Because we had not spoken for so many years, I felt I hadn't shown her the appreciation she deserved for tutoring me. So, I wrote her a card to let her know I remembered her and had fond memories of her.
As I made my way to her house, I was excited to see her and give her the Christmas card. No one answered when I knocked on her door, so I checked the windows. My world turned upside down when I saw signs that she was no longer living there. So, I asked her neighbours, and they informed me that she had passed away about ten years ago.
After hearing the sad news, I regretted not contacting her and sending her a card many years ago.
Fast-forward to recently, photography of plants and animals is a part of my hobby. I posted some photos on a Facebook group specifically for the local area. I received many likes until I saw her exact name in my notifications. I checked her profile photo, and she looked like the same person. I thought I had lost hope.
I thought about messaging her with something like, "Hello. Are you the person who tutored me over 20 years ago? Your name sounds very familiar. If so, I have fond childhood memories of being tutored by you."
I doubt she can see the hidden message. I also considered inviting her to a coffee place or something because I don't want to have any regrets in the future.


Yes

Quick Reply

How The Student Room is moderated

To keep The Student Room safe for everyone, we moderate posts that are added to the site.