Can anyone help mark this question

The writer initially focuses the reader on the setting in which the story takes place in order to create a sense of discomfort. Since not much is happening at the beginning, the writer makes us visualize and feel the eerie silence. The writer could also be foreshadowing danger with phrases like "She almost thought she could die in that place" and "pre-echo of death." The semantic field of these phrases builds up tension for the reader. As we get closer to the middle of the story, the writer uses the phrase "the sun" to lighten the atmosphere and reduce our tension.
The writer does this deliberately to lower our guard and surprise us. The use of dialogue, which is short and simple, makes us feel truly involved in the story and conveys a sense of the characters' immediate feelings. The writer then shifts our focus to the "small slab of snow" that has shifted, which foreshadows what will happen next. We the reader are worried deeply for Zoe and her husband, even though things seem good. Words like "beautiful" and "smile" clash with what the reader thinks, making the story more tense.
Furthermore,
The paragraphs get shorter, adding to the tension and making the reader want to help somehow and with rhe use of the
Exclamation mark show how urgent things are and the Short sentences create a sense of chaos, just like what Zoe might be feeling in the end.
The ending leaves the reader hanging, wondering what happened to Zoe. Did the avalanche get her? This keeps the reader in suspense.

Hi,
Which question and exam board is this please.
Thanks

Hi the exam board is AQA and its November 2019 english language paper 1 question 3

Thank you,
I would give this response a 5/8. (the lower mark in band 3)
You have raised a lot of relevant points and illustrated these with precise and accurate quotations. However, your explanation of their effects is lacking. Try to use the same structure for each quote in order to bring out the richest analysis possible.
A structure I would recommend:
1) Introduce the technique (ie. short sentences)
2) Use a quote that shows the technique being used
3) Comment on the effect that the technique has ON THE READER
4) Offer further or alternative explanations with the words "furthermore" or "alternatively"
Here is an example:
You wrote : "Short sentences create a sense of chaos, just like what Zoe might be feeling in the end."
What you have written is accurate, but more perceptive analysis is needed for a higher mark to be achieved.
In addition, the writer uses several short sentences throughout the extract such as "..........". This is an effective technique as it creates a very simplistic tone to the text. This could show how Zoe has become completely overwhelmed with the chaos of what is occurring that she cannot think logically. Alternatively, the writer could have done this to create a sense of breathlessness for the reader as the extensive use of punctuation causes a lack of flow within the piece. This reflects Zoe's emotional state onto the reader as they are able to truly understand how she felt. This creates a deeper sense of sympathy for the reader, enhancing the bond and connection they feel with the character.
If you have anymore work I can help you with, or would like to rewrite this, I will be happy to offer any feedback!