The Student Room Group

Help: Parents forcing me to follow what they want regarding UCAS

Hi,

I am in Year 13.

I had sent off my UCAS application back in start of October in which I had received no offers.

I am thinking to take a gap year to strengthen my application and re-apply.

I have spoken to my parents for the last 4 months about the prospect of me taking a gap year if I get rejected by all my choices in which for every instance of me talking about this, my parents ignored me and dismissed it, by always moving to another topic as soon as I mention it.

Yesterday, I received my last rejection in which I told my parents, telling them I will take a gap year to re-apply than do UCAS extra since I feel that it would be better for me to do that in which over the year I will have more time to think more about my application, strengthen my application and reapply to universities I would like to go to.

My parents response to that was not that great and I am very worried on what to do.

Essentially, they started criticising me for not getting in: stating that they have wasted their time and money on me for education, that I had not worked hard enough, etc. Then, they, from asking a relative who does not know me at all that well who suggested to my parents to choose a university and male me choose it, pressured me to do UCAS Extra, and making me add the university that they chose - disregarding anything I say in response such as how a gap year is not necessarily a bad thing, how other people take gap year to re-apply, etc.

In which instead of listening to me, they would start criticising me again until I just agreed to what they had said.

They had additionally mentioned the consequences they would face, I would face if I do a gap year which include, how it would tarnish their reputation and respectability to relatives in the family; how they would have to take away my privileges such as having privacy at home etc.

And for the past day I could not revise or do anything other than spacing out and feeling overwhelmingly anxious and worried.

I am most likely not going to go through UCAS Extra as I do not want to go to a university they had chosen, I know if I am being pressured into choosing it - I feel that I will just feel regret. But I am worried of the consequences of not following what they had said.

I am not sure what I could do. Any advice?
Reply 1
This does sound like a raw deal, sorry to hear of the trouble you are having with your parents. Might it help if you say on here what your expected grades are and what subject you want to do, what uni your parents have "chosen" for you, and see what folk on here think about the prospect? It might not look so bad. It does sound like staying at home for another year would be hard for you. Once you get to uni you will have more independence and meet others possibly in the same situation (especially if your parents have "chosen" by asking their friends where they have sent their own hapless offspring) and have more chance to assert yourself.
Original post by mellow2006
Hi,
I am in Year 13.
I had sent off my UCAS application back in start of October in which I had received no offers.
I am thinking to take a gap year to strengthen my application and re-apply.
I have spoken to my parents for the last 4 months about the prospect of me taking a gap year if I get rejected by all my choices in which for every instance of me talking about this, my parents ignored me and dismissed it, by always moving to another topic as soon as I mention it.
Yesterday, I received my last rejection in which I told my parents, telling them I will take a gap year to re-apply than do UCAS extra since I feel that it would be better for me to do that in which over the year I will have more time to think more about my application, strengthen my application and reapply to universities I would like to go to.
My parents response to that was not that great and I am very worried on what to do.
Essentially, they started criticising me for not getting in: stating that they have wasted their time and money on me for education, that I had not worked hard enough, etc. Then, they, from asking a relative who does not know me at all that well who suggested to my parents to choose a university and male me choose it, pressured me to do UCAS Extra, and making me add the university that they chose - disregarding anything I say in response such as how a gap year is not necessarily a bad thing, how other people take gap year to re-apply, etc.
In which instead of listening to me, they would start criticising me again until I just agreed to what they had said.
They had additionally mentioned the consequences they would face, I would face if I do a gap year which include, how it would tarnish their reputation and respectability to relatives in the family; how they would have to take away my privileges such as having privacy at home etc.
And for the past day I could not revise or do anything other than spacing out and feeling overwhelmingly anxious and worried.
I am most likely not going to go through UCAS Extra as I do not want to go to a university they had chosen, I know if I am being pressured into choosing it - I feel that I will just feel regret. But I am worried of the consequences of not following what they had said.
I am not sure what I could do. Any advice?

To give advice on dealing with pushy parents is very difficult but at the end of the day it is your decision and only you can make it as you are the one who has to study 3 years someone.

Not knowing where and what you intend studying all I can do is give you general advice. Usually students who face 5 rejections have usually applied to very competitive courses or universities or applied to courses where the predicted grades way below the entry requirements.

Anybody applying for Medicine or similar courses faces 5 rejections. This is also true for students applying to top London universities and there is no guarantee of getting an offer should you take a gap year. Places like Imperial, UCL and LSE are very difficult to get into and my suspicion is you have probably applied to these along with a couple of other very competitive universities such as Durham.

What you are now facing is the reason we advise to apply to 1 above your grades, 2 or 3 at your grades and 1 or 2 below and do not include more than 2 top London universities or Oxbridge. As an example Imperial only makes offers to 1 in 20 students for CS and 60% of students in LSE come from India or China. London has particularly high rates of overseas students which limits the chances of UK students getting in.

Scotland operates a quota system due to its free education system and a similar problem to London exists there.

Whether you decide on a gap year or not is for you but you need to be fully aware you could face the same decision. Competitive courses in top universities will not be available in extra or clearing and you run the risk of ending up in the same position next year if you take a gap year. Perhaps at the moment the best thing you can do is take a week or so out after your rejections and think what is right for you.

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