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Not invited to my Boyfriend friend’s wedding

Hi everyone! need your advice on this one please. I am 30 yo and have been with my boyfriend (27yo) for over a year now. When we started dating and got officially together, he attended his friends wedding. They have a big group of friends, they are super close and he is attending his Bestfriend’s sister wedding with whom he is friend.He told me after the engagement for which I did not assist naturally that the bride to be told him during the even that if by then (in May 2024) we are still together, we can have a 1. This was back in end of April 2024. I thought this was extremely nice.In the meantime my bestfriend got married overseas and he was personally invited. Time was passing by, i was assisting some event diners with my bf and the whole group and through conversations I understood… that i was not invited to that wedding.So they did the whole planning .. we live in Canada and they are getting married in Spain. My boyfriend is going with the whole group to work remote at a house in Spain then they have the bachelorette of the futur husband and then the wedding. (Going for 2 weeks)So at first it did not bug me but afterward i did ask like am I still invited if not, if he has a 1 . He said no and that he did not really think about it.Long story short i got hurt because for me it simply shows that not only his friends do not value us, but also him for not asking his closest friend.. he got into an argument because of this and I explained that it is not the fact that I am not invited to the wedding but more the principle of not being considered. And him not understanding me.He promised to ask did not do it ultimately and said that he is okay that it is not respectful but does not want to ask. Especially since this group of friends stopped inviting me to events and kept inviting him solo as IF he was like alone. While in their group the boys or girls are with their significant other during events. Am I overacting by the fact that I can not get over it or are my feelings valid?
Original post by jessy_12
Hi everyone! need your advice on this one please. I am 30 yo and have been with my boyfriend (27yo) for over a year now. When we started dating and got officially together, he attended his friends wedding. They have a big group of friends, they are super close and he is attending his Bestfriend’s sister wedding with whom he is friend.He told me after the engagement for which I did not assist naturally that the bride to be told him during the even that if by then (in May 2024) we are still together, we can have a 1. This was back in end of April 2024. I thought this was extremely nice.In the meantime my bestfriend got married overseas and he was personally invited. Time was passing by, i was assisting some event diners with my bf and the whole group and through conversations I understood… that i was not invited to that wedding.So they did the whole planning .. we live in Canada and they are getting married in Spain. My boyfriend is going with the whole group to work remote at a house in Spain then they have the bachelorette of the futur husband and then the wedding. (Going for 2 weeks)So at first it did not bug me but afterward i did ask like am I still invited if not, if he has a 1 . He said no and that he did not really think about it.Long story short i got hurt because for me it simply shows that not only his friends do not value us, but also him for not asking his closest friend.. he got into an argument because of this and I explained that it is not the fact that I am not invited to the wedding but more the principle of not being considered. And him not understanding me.He promised to ask did not do it ultimately and said that he is okay that it is not respectful but does not want to ask. Especially since this group of friends stopped inviting me to events and kept inviting him solo as IF he was like alone. While in their group the boys or girls are with their significant other during events. Am I overacting by the fact that I can not get over it or are my feelings valid?

This is a little bit confusing to read so I'm going to try and simplify so I know just what's going on:
- You and boyfriend live in Canada, 30 yo and 27 yo.
- He's in a big group of friends and attended 1 wedding early in your relationship.
- His best friend's sister is getting married in May 2024, and he is invited and you aren't.
- Your best friend got married overseas and your bf was invited.
- You find out you aren't invited to a wedding? I've lost track of which wedding it is that you aren't invited to. The one this month?
- You confronted your BF about this situation and he argued (with you? It's not clear) about it


There are several things at play here. First of all:
- Nobody is entitled to a wedding invitation. I know people who haven't invited their own mother or father to their wedding because the couple simply do not want them there.
- If your boyfriend has told you that you could be invited, and then tells you that you aren't - that's some mixed messages from him and he needs to sort himself out there.
- Don't take it out on his friendship group, treat each of them as individuals not as one collective group acting together.
I'm in the middle of planning my own wedding, and there are people who may be expecting an invite who aren't going to have one. Tough. It's our wedding and brides and grooms are under enough pressure without having to pander to people's feelings about who is invited.
I'm also not entirely clear on this, but it sounds like you first thought he might be taking someone else, but there doesn't seem to be anything in that. Then you got into an argument because he didn't ask his closest friend if you could go? And you're not mad about not getting an invite, but about not being considered? Thought I'm not sure how you'd tell the difference between those things. There clearly was some consideration based on what you said before. It sounds like you feel bad because you want to integrated more into his friendship group.

As has already been said, the reality is that as a guest you have absolutely no right to be invited to a wedding. I've planned one and been to many, and deciding not only who comes but who gets to bring someone is a really difficult part of the planning. You have, I'm afraid, made this all about you when in reality by far the most important people here are the ones who are planning the wedding. I think you need to empathise with them a little more and try to appreciate just how much work it is, and how many difficult decisions are involved in planning a wedding. Over a year is not really a very long period of time when it comes to inviting a significant other to a wedding and, frankly, they are going to be conscious of the possibility of having you in their wedding pictures and then you breaking up further down the line. That probably won't determine whether or not you get an invite, but it's a consideration. Either way, the way to deal with decisions about weddings you are attending (or not) is to accept them. It's not your day, and you're not planning it. And when you come to plan your own wedding one day, you will gain a very sudden appreciation for how difficult it is. After that you'll most certainly empathise with others who are doing it, so my advice would be to get ahead of the curve on that now and not be annoyed by this. If you're to eventually become close with his friendship group, whether you did or did not attend one wedding isn't going to matter in the long run.
Reply 4
It's up to the bride and groom who is invited and not for your boyfriend to ask his best mate; the wedding of your boyfriend's best friend's sister is a tenuous connection to you. Just because an invitation was mentioned doesn't mean it was a definite; things can change, a lot, when wedding planning.
Original post by jessy_12
Hi everyone! need your advice on this one please. I am 30 yo and have been with my boyfriend (27yo) for over a year now. When we started dating and got officially together, he attended his friends wedding. They have a big group of friends, they are super close and he is attending his Bestfriend’s sister wedding with whom he is friend.He told me after the engagement for which I did not assist naturally that the bride to be told him during the even that if by then (in May 2024) we are still together, we can have a 1. This was back in end of April 2024. I thought this was extremely nice.In the meantime my bestfriend got married overseas and he was personally invited. Time was passing by, i was assisting some event diners with my bf and the whole group and through conversations I understood… that i was not invited to that wedding.So they did the whole planning .. we live in Canada and they are getting married in Spain. My boyfriend is going with the whole group to work remote at a house in Spain then they have the bachelorette of the futur husband and then the wedding. (Going for 2 weeks)So at first it did not bug me but afterward i did ask like am I still invited if not, if he has a 1 . He said no and that he did not really think about it.Long story short i got hurt because for me it simply shows that not only his friends do not value us, but also him for not asking his closest friend.. he got into an argument because of this and I explained that it is not the fact that I am not invited to the wedding but more the principle of not being considered. And him not understanding me.He promised to ask did not do it ultimately and said that he is okay that it is not respectful but does not want to ask. Especially since this group of friends stopped inviting me to events and kept inviting him solo as IF he was like alone. While in their group the boys or girls are with their significant other during events. Am I overacting by the fact that I can not get over it or are my feelings valid?


Okay, I get it. It’s not directly about not being invited but about not being considered. You would’ve liked for him to try- I hear that.

Imho I think your feelings are valid just because there was a lack of effort on his side. Even if he asked and the answer was no then that would’ve been fine, but it kind of comes off as if he doesn’t want you there and when his friends start acting odd towards you e.g. not inviting you out, it does seem like you’re being left out.

I personally would want my partner to be able to come with me to events like those; so I’d at least ask. Not cuz I’m entitled but because I care about my partner. If the answer was a no then I’d tell my partner when I find out- no hard feelings to the person who said no.

I think it’s important to note that it is the best friend’s sister, so she most likely has a different group of friends too and that maybe ur bf isn’t confrontational. Try not to get too hung up on it, but I get where you’re coming from.
Original post by jessy_12
Hi everyone! need your advice on this one please. I am 30 yo and have been with my boyfriend (27yo) for over a year now. When we started dating and got officially together, he attended his friends wedding. They have a big group of friends, they are super close and he is attending his Bestfriend’s sister wedding with whom he is friend.He told me after the engagement for which I did not assist naturally that the bride to be told him during the even that if by then (in May 2024) we are still together, we can have a 1. This was back in end of April 2024. I thought this was extremely nice.In the meantime my bestfriend got married overseas and he was personally invited. Time was passing by, i was assisting some event diners with my bf and the whole group and through conversations I understood… that i was not invited to that wedding.So they did the whole planning .. we live in Canada and they are getting married in Spain. My boyfriend is going with the whole group to work remote at a house in Spain then they have the bachelorette of the futur husband and then the wedding. (Going for 2 weeks)So at first it did not bug me but afterward i did ask like am I still invited if not, if he has a 1 . He said no and that he did not really think about it.Long story short i got hurt because for me it simply shows that not only his friends do not value us, but also him for not asking his closest friend.. he got into an argument because of this and I explained that it is not the fact that I am not invited to the wedding but more the principle of not being considered. And him not understanding me.He promised to ask did not do it ultimately and said that he is okay that it is not respectful but does not want to ask. Especially since this group of friends stopped inviting me to events and kept inviting him solo as IF he was like alone. While in their group the boys or girls are with their significant other during events. Am I overacting by the fact that I can not get over it or are my feelings valid?

probably just don't want people to do the skibidi skibidi dance 🤣
Reply 7
I don't see the issue. Presumably your boyfriend was just invited by himself, and wasn't allowed a plus one. I think you are over-reacting.

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