The Student Room Group

is 11 bodies at 16 bad as a girl

am I slut do I seek help
(edited 2 months ago)
There are going to be a lot of people who respond to this and say that yes, it is bad. Many of them will have ingrained views that connect a girl's worth to how 'easily' she gives her body up for sex, and I don't subscribe to that view at all. I think it's outdated and misogynistic. I think it's entirely the choice of an individual girl/woman how much sex she has and with who. Having a lot of sex with different people because you enjoy it is entirely fine in my view.

However, there is a red flag here, and that is why you have had sex with so many people at the age of 16. To put it bluntly, the vast majority of girls wouldn't even have had the opportunity to sleep with 11 people at that age, let alone have actually done it. Whilst you're entirely free to sleep with whoever you want to, it's incredibly important to keep yourself safe while doing it, both in terms of having protected sex, and being aware of power dynamics and the vulnerabilities you have when you're in these situations, particularly if you're dealing with older men. To be absolutely clear, I don't think it's a problem in and of itself that you've had sex with that many people. But the fact that you have suggests to me that there are other problems here, whether it's that you're being taken advantage of by others, that you have your own emotional vulnerabilities or trauma, or something else. It's absolutely not something you should feel bad about, but it is something that should cause you to reflect on whether or not you need support here, because I think there's a very good chance that you do.
Original post by Crazy Jamie
There are going to be a lot of people who respond to this and say that yes, it is bad. Many of them will have ingrained views that connect a girl's worth to how 'easily' she gives her body up for sex, and I don't subscribe to that view at all. I think it's outdated and misogynistic. I think it's entirely the choice of an individual girl/woman how much sex she has and with who. Having a lot of sex with different people because you enjoy it is entirely fine in my view.
However, there is a red flag here, and that is why you have had sex with so many people at the age of 16. To put it bluntly, the vast majority of girls wouldn't even have had the opportunity to sleep with 11 people at that age, let alone have actually done it. Whilst you're entirely free to sleep with whoever you want to, it's incredibly important to keep yourself safe while doing it, both in terms of having protected sex, and being aware of power dynamics and the vulnerabilities you have when you're in these situations, particularly if you're dealing with older men. To be absolutely clear, I don't think it's a problem in and of itself that you've had sex with that many people. But the fact that you have suggests to me that there are other problems here, whether it's that you're being taken advantage of by others, that you have your own emotional vulnerabilities or trauma, or something else. It's absolutely not something you should feel bad about, but it is something that should cause you to reflect on whether or not you need support here, because I think there's a very good chance that you do.

is there a term for what Im describing?
Original post by user914718362910
is there a term for what Im describing?

No. You've asked in your first post whether or not you're a slut, but that's an incredibly unhelpful and misogynistic term that shouldn't form part of the conversation here. I will stress that I am not a professional in this area, but it does sound to me like you are a very vulnerable teenager who is both using sex for the wrong reasons and being coerced into it by those who have power over you. I appreciate what you've said about choosing to do these things, but our choices are always influenced by external factors, and in your case whilst I have no doubt that you're making some of these choices freely, the problem is that you shouldn't have to be making those choices at all, particularly when it comes to transactional sex. You shouldn't ever be using sex to receive a benefit like or put yourself in an advantageous position, and shouldn't ever have to do that. But as I say, you are a 16 year old who likely lacks the money, power and social influence to get things for yourself the way that others do. You clearly have a good head on your shoulders because you're prioritising your education, and that is great. But the fact that you have fended for yourself for large portions of your life and that you see sex as business suggests to me that you are being taken advantage of and are in desperate need of support. The fact that you say that you wouldn't date you also suggests that you're suffering with very low self esteem and self worth.

I don't immediately know where you would find that support. I expect if there were friends or family you could go to you would have done that already, so it may be a matter of going to the NHS and charities depending on the areas where you need help, whether that's with income, housing, emotional and mental health support, or other areas. But please do try to seek that help out. As I say, you're putting yourself on the right path here which suggests that despite all of this you do want to better yourself, and that is great. But the life you're living and the things you're having to do go through to do that, none of which I expect is your fault, are causing trauma and other issues that need to be addressed. One sentence from a stranger on the internet isn't going to solve this. It will take time. But you mustn't think of yourself as worthless. You clearly have a drive and ambition to succeed, and you can do that, but going forwards it needs to be through people who show you the respect you deserve and not those who take advantage of you. You're worth more than that. So continue along this path educationally, but get the support you need in other aspects of your life so that you don't need to rely on those who do not have your best interests at heart. Very easy for me to say on the internet and very difficult to do in practice, but I really do wish you all the best.
Original post by user914718362910
am I slut do I seek help

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