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Terrified of love

I want to be in a relationship but I'm terrified of it. I've heard so many stories about cheating, expectations to be met whilst in one. It just makes me scared, idk if i will ever be ready to take the risk with someone and start a relationship with them. I know not everyone cheats but its a possibility that anyone should consider.

Not only that but what if we get to the stage where we get married. I don't want kids, i would love them but i don't want them from my body - labour doesn't seem appealing to me and i don't want to ruin my body and mental health bc of it. I don't want to get into a great relationship but then facing the obstacle of having kids and either giving up my freedom to stay with them or i can walk away happy. Nothing about birthing a child or having one is appealing to me so plz don't try to convince me. Not everyone wants kids. So with all of this in mind, when do you even bring a massive topic like this up? Because obviously you don't want to be wasting time on a person who doesn't have the same goals as you but then saying it in the first year is weird so yeah idk.

I am scared of having s*x but I'm more scared about having a kid. Everything evolves around the thought of me having a child and it makes me feel sick that it comes out of me. I just feel like most men want children and it's hard for me to consider the fact that i'll be single forever. I know its my fault for not wanting them but i know my limits and having one wouldn't be great for me or the child
Original post by Anonymous
I want to be in a relationship but I'm terrified of it. I've heard so many stories about cheating, expectations to be met whilst in one. It just makes me scared, idk if i will ever be ready to take the risk with someone and start a relationship with them. I know not everyone cheats but its a possibility that anyone should consider.
Not only that but what if we get to the stage where we get married. I don't want kids, i would love them but i don't want them from my body - labour doesn't seem appealing to me and i don't want to ruin my body and mental health bc of it. I don't want to get into a great relationship but then facing the obstacle of having kids and either giving up my freedom to stay with them or i can walk away happy. Nothing about birthing a child or having one is appealing to me so plz don't try to convince me. Not everyone wants kids. So with all of this in mind, when do you even bring a massive topic like this up? Because obviously you don't want to be wasting time on a person who doesn't have the same goals as you but then saying it in the first year is weird so yeah idk.
I am scared of having s*x but I'm more scared about having a kid. Everything evolves around the thought of me having a child and it makes me feel sick that it comes out of me. I just feel like most men want children and it's hard for me to consider the fact that i'll be single forever. I know its my fault for not wanting them but i know my limits and having one wouldn't be great for me or the child

You probably already understand how we have to find the “right” person for us.
However I would like to discuss about the topic about communication - if your partner truly understands and cares about you, they would definitely accept the fact that you don’t want to have any children at all. If they don’t accept your opinion and put it aside - I wouldn’t say that they’re the one for you.

Not all couples need to end up having children or whatnot - just be comfortable and have good communication.
I do hope you end up finding the right person for you as love is hard to discrete.

I wish you all the best! :smile:
There’s a lot to unpack here.

First of all I understand yours fears in respect of being cheated on and I also struggle to commit to the idea of having children.

There’s a million and 1 things that could go wrong in life, not just in relationships, but really the question is do you want to let your fears rule your life?

Would it be worse to try being in a relationship that might not work out for any reason, or be alone forever because you’re not willing to risk it? As they say, it’s better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all.

Life will never run perfectly, and you can never make any decision with 100% certainty of the outcome. That 100% only ever comes with hindsight.

At the moment what you’re doing is called catastrophising, something I also do a lot and have to constantly work at. It’s assuming and imagining the worst out comes.

There comes a point where you have to accept you can’t control everything in life.

Rather than asking yourself ‘what if this bad thing happens?’, change it to ‘what if it all works out?’ Or ‘what if it turns out to be the greatest decision I ever made and I get everything I ever wanted?’

I’d highly recommend a counsellor as they can help you and give you tools to work through these difficult mind processes. Ultimately you’ve learned a certain way of thinking and have to unlearn it.

Best of luck 😊

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