Can someone please mark my response to english language question 4?

The past paper/text: https://cdn.savemyexams.com/uploads/2024/03/1en0-01-que-20220519.pdf

In this extract, there is an attempt to create tension.
Evaluate how successfully this is achieved. (15)
My exam board is Edexcel, and the question is out of 15.

The writer skilfully uses a variety of sentence types to build tension. This is clearly evident in the beginning of the extract. Dickens utilises short sentences for a brief moment, and suddenly there is a shift from characters and dialogue to setting. The use of short sentences cleverly increases the pace which the text moves, creating a sense of urgency to the reader to read further. This leads on to the longer sentences, which allows the reader to pause and understand Dicken's urgency in a chronological linear order.

Dickens also employs a variety of figurative language, such as juxtaposition, to build tension. The contrasting phrase "the cold sweat" brilliantly conveys that although the weather in this scene is cold, Oliver is terrified to burgle which explains the "sweat." The use of metaphor in "he sank upon his knees" also powerfully exaggerates Oliver's desperation towards not wanting to commit robbery. This cleverly spikes curiosity to the reader, encouraging them to find out what happens next to Oliver.

Towards the end of the extract, Dickens skilfully employs sibilance in dialogue to create tension more evidently in the phrase "softly up the stairs straight." The repetition of the letter 's' sound cleverly creates a whispering conversational effect to the reader, which serves to draw them closer, setting up a tense atmosphere. Also, the repeated soft 's' sound juxtaposes the idea of Oliver being forcefully instructed to burgle - which he is strongly against of doing, thus successfully creating suspense for the reader whether Oliver is going to burgle the house or not.

Reply 1

Georgeallen

Original post by HANIYAAAAAAAA

The past paper/text: https://cdn.savemyexams.com/uploads/2024/03/1en0-01-que-20220519.pdf
In this extract, there is an attempt to create tension.
Evaluate how successfully this is achieved. (15)
My exam board is Edexcel, and the question is out of 15.
The writer skilfully uses a variety of sentence types to build tension. This is clearly evident in the beginning of the extract. Dickens utilises short sentences for a brief moment, and suddenly there is a shift from characters and dialogue to setting. The use of short sentences cleverly increases the pace which the text moves, creating a sense of urgency to the reader to read further. This leads on to the longer sentences, which allows the reader to pause and understand Dicken's urgency in a chronological linear order.
Dickens also employs a variety of figurative language, such as juxtaposition, to build tension. The contrasting phrase "the cold sweat" brilliantly conveys that although the weather in this scene is cold, Oliver is terrified to burgle which explains the "sweat." The use of metaphor in "he sank upon his knees" also powerfully exaggerates Oliver's desperation towards not wanting to commit robbery. This cleverly spikes curiosity to the reader, encouraging them to find out what happens next to Oliver.
Towards the end of the extract, Dickens skilfully employs sibilance in dialogue to create tension more evidently in the phrase "softly up the stairs straight." The repetition of the letter 's' sound cleverly creates a whispering conversational effect to the reader, which serves to draw them closer, setting up a tense atmosphere. Also, the repeated soft 's' sound juxtaposes the idea of Oliver being forcefully instructed to burgle - which he is strongly against of doing, thus successfully creating suspense for the reader whether Oliver is going to burgle the house or not.

Mark : 9/15

You made a few effective points although at times you veered away from the question. Make sure you are making the link to tension very obvious throughout as you’re not trying to imply there’s tension, you’re telling us! Your analysis is present but there is room for improvement and depth. For example, your last paragraph was probably your most strongest as it linked to tension very well and had a strong analysis to go with it.

Try to ensure every quote is analysed on the whole, and then begin to zoom in on specific words - this will allow your analysis to be deeper.

In the first paragraph about sentence types, you potentially could’ve implemented a few quotation to accompany your nice point about the increase of pace, altho i haven’t read the text so wouldn’t know if that was appropriate. Also, with this type of structure I typically would offer another interpretation that maybe the short sentences create a sense of breathlessness for the reader, so when they are reading they can feel the panic of the character and therefore increases the tension of the text because they can relate and understand what she’s going through.

However, this was still a good response. As always, I marked as harshly as possible. This response could potentially have made it into level 4 and achieved 10 marks.