So I’ve been with my Gf for a year and a month. She only gives oral during intercourse now, or right at the end if im not gonna finish inside her. When we first dated and a while thereafter, she would give oral in exchange for oral, or sometimes even before sex to completion and then we’d have sex after. Sometimes she’d just give it when I asked her like before we went out to a show or dinner. I never got the impression that she loved to give head, sometimes I’d have to convey to her why I felt like it was important to me to receive it, I also explained that to have to like even explain why I needed it felt emasculating. To me it seems like common sense why, like regular maintenance. I do everything for this woman, and I don’t do it with the expectation of oral, I do it genuinely because to make her happy makes me happy. Although I do in general expect to be pleased in that way, if that makes sense. She’s said that for the first while she was afraid that if she didn’t give me head I would reject her, and that her honest feelings about it was that she hasn’t ever enjoyed it, just dolled it out fearing I may leave her if she didn’t. I really do not want to leave her, I love this woman tremendously. But it feels like now she almost loves me so much and is so confident that I love her, that she won’t give me head? Sounds backwards to me tbh. And now it’s like damn, I’m my head I’m thinking that she’d give head to the last guy or the next guy she’s in a relationship for a short time, but not me, the man she often says she wants to marry. We speak about our future often, we both want to have a family one day and I’d like to have it with this woman. I’m trying to look at the bigger picture here, at what I truly want in life, but I find myself becoming seriously jaded at times because of this problem. I still treat this woman very well, I’m a gentleman, I love to take her out and make her laugh and I’m a master of sentiment. I’m an artist (painter/musician) so I’m keen to make her something meaningful, and when I do I really mean it. I’m also a firefighter, I make a good salary and can afford to gift her more material things as well and she likes both. She cleans, does laundry, cooks, organizes, all great feminine qualities I like to have in a partner. But sometimes I feel like I’d rather live in a dilapidated shithole sleeping on a pile of dirty laundry with a girl who’d suck me lol. I don’t feel that way often though, just when I’m horny af. There’s times when I think about getting it elsewhere and that scares the **** out of me, I don’t like to feel that way nor do I want to but I just feel neglected in some sense. At this rate we have sex 2-4 times a month which I feel like isn’t bad, but not great either. And if this is a trend by the time we hit 5 years what then, sex twice a year and no head? I’ll blow my brains out tbh. Idk, I feel like I can live without it at the rate it’s at now. But it’s still something that will bother me in some way. Idk this **** has me pretty ****ed up right now, am I wrong for thinking any of this? Am I just a pig? Lol. My dad was/is, maybe it’s in the blood. I just need opinions.