I can mark AQA English Language and AQA English Literature essays for GCSE

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Reply 20

Hello,
I got a grade 9 in both GCSE AQA English Language and GCSE AQA English Literature, so I have a good idea of the mark scheme, as I am currently doing English language AQA a level.
I am happy to mark anyone's essays

This would be so helpful if you can do Romeo and Juliet!

The question was “How does Shakespeare present the relationships between adults and young people?” and I completed it in 50 mins. :smile:

In the tragic tale of the "two star-crossed lovers" Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare presents the relationship between adults and young people as both good and bad. The reader has to consider: did he do this to portray the importance of older generations impact on young love or to show how gender plays a big role in the relationships between the older and younger generation?

In this extract, Juliet is told she must marry Paris. Juliet’s relationship with her parents at this point in the play is conflicted. The audience can see her conflicted views about her parents through the constant contrast in her speech. For example, Shakespeare uses juxtaposition to link “love” and “hate” within Juliet’s words, therefore linking the ideas into the audience’s head too. These ideas are intertwined throughout the novel, suggesting Shakespeare wants to connect the ideas and perhaps show that love conquers hate. This proleptic irony from Juliet is used to give clues to the audience that her and Romeo’s love will end with them on a “hurdle”, further enrooting the idea of fate in the play in addition to the prologue.

Juliet is also never alone on stage, except when she fakes her own death. She is constantly under a watchful eye, whether that be from the Nurse or her parents, or even Romeo. This constant supervision makes her fake death scene even more crucial. The fact no-one else is on stage suggests she has nowhere else to turn and her relationships with adults in the play has significantly worsened, so much so that she thinks she only needs Romeo. Perhaps Shakespeare does this to suggest to the audience that relationships between adults and young people are crucial to keep control of the immensity of young love?

This supervision of Juliet is contrasted with Romeo’s freedom. Lord and Lady Montague are a-lot more distant towards Romeo compared to Juliet’s parents, at times not even knowing where their son is, enquiring Benvolio “Where is Romeo?” in the second scene of the play. The fact that this quote comes up some early in the play immediately sets emotional distance between Romeo and his parents. Shakespeare could have done this to show the because Romeo is a male in the 13th century patriarchal society, he is given more freedom than Juliet; setting double standards within 13th century Verona and warning that, if the audience chooses to, these can be applied to Elizabethan society.

The distance between Romeo and his parents is juxtaposed with his relationship with Friar Lawrence. Romeo sees the Friar as a father figure, whom he can confide his problems in. This is shown when Romeo is banished to Mantua and is immediately goes to the Friar. Friar Lawrence berates Romeo for saying that the Prince should be "merciful and say death", establishing a familial relationship between the two. This is further embedded when Juliet, Romeo's wife, goes to the Friar for help after Romeo’s banishment. The fact that they both trust and confide in the Friar when he is arguily the reason for their death is ironic. This leaves the audience pondering: is the “star-crossed lovers”’ deaths to blame on themselves, Friar Lawrence (one of the only characters they both have a relationship with), or fate?

In conclusion, the relationships between adults and young people are explored in many different ways throughout the fated pages of Romeo and Juliet. They are presented both positively (throughout the charecter of the Friar) and negatively (through Lord and Lady Capulet and Montague), and fated (through the "fatal loins of these two foes"). Gender also plays major role in the relationships between the adults and young people, with Juliet's constant supervision and Romeo's freedom. The reader can infer that Shakespeare could have chosen to do this to present the nature of human relationships as complex and complicated, as well as bringing attention to the double standards of the patriarchal Elizabethen society.

Thanks!!

Reply 21

revision52

Original post by idefyyoustars

This would be so helpful if you can do Romeo and Juliet!
The question was “How does Shakespeare present the relationships between adults and young people?” and I completed it in 50 mins. :smile:

In the tragic tale of the "two star-crossed lovers" Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare presents the relationship between adults and young people as both good and bad. The reader has to consider: did he do this to portray the importance of older generations impact on young love or to show how gender plays a big role in the relationships between the older and younger generation?
In this extract, Juliet is told she must marry Paris. Juliet’s relationship with her parents at this point in the play is conflicted. The audience can see her conflicted views about her parents through the constant contrast in her speech. For example, Shakespeare uses juxtaposition to link “love” and “hate” within Juliet’s words, therefore linking the ideas into the audience’s head too. These ideas are intertwined throughout the novel, suggesting Shakespeare wants to connect the ideas and perhaps show that love conquers hate. This proleptic irony from Juliet is used to give clues to the audience that her and Romeo’s love will end with them on a “hurdle”, further enrooting the idea of fate in the play in addition to the prologue.
Juliet is also never alone on stage, except when she fakes her own death. She is constantly under a watchful eye, whether that be from the Nurse or her parents, or even Romeo. This constant supervision makes her fake death scene even more crucial. The fact no-one else is on stage suggests she has nowhere else to turn and her relationships with adults in the play has significantly worsened, so much so that she thinks she only needs Romeo. Perhaps Shakespeare does this to suggest to the audience that relationships between adults and young people are crucial to keep control of the immensity of young love?
This supervision of Juliet is contrasted with Romeo’s freedom. Lord and Lady Montague are a-lot more distant towards Romeo compared to Juliet’s parents, at times not even knowing where their son is, enquiring Benvolio “Where is Romeo?” in the second scene of the play. The fact that this quote comes up some early in the play immediately sets emotional distance between Romeo and his parents. Shakespeare could have done this to show the because Romeo is a male in the 13th century patriarchal society, he is given more freedom than Juliet; setting double standards within 13th century Verona and warning that, if the audience chooses to, these can be applied to Elizabethan society.
The distance between Romeo and his parents is juxtaposed with his relationship with Friar Lawrence. Romeo sees the Friar as a father figure, whom he can confide his problems in. This is shown when Romeo is banished to Mantua and is immediately goes to the Friar. Friar Lawrence berates Romeo for saying that the Prince should be "merciful and say death", establishing a familial relationship between the two. This is further embedded when Juliet, Romeo's wife, goes to the Friar for help after Romeo’s banishment. The fact that they both trust and confide in the Friar when he is arguily the reason for their death is ironic. This leaves the audience pondering: is the “star-crossed lovers”’ deaths to blame on themselves, Friar Lawrence (one of the only characters they both have a relationship with), or fate?
In conclusion, the relationships between adults and young people are explored in many different ways throughout the fated pages of Romeo and Juliet. They are presented both positively (throughout the charecter of the Friar) and negatively (through Lord and Lady Capulet and Montague), and fated (through the "fatal loins of these two foes"). Gender also plays major role in the relationships between the adults and young people, with Juliet's constant supervision and Romeo's freedom. The reader can infer that Shakespeare could have chosen to do this to present the nature of human relationships as complex and complicated, as well as bringing attention to the double standards of the patriarchal Elizabethen society.
Thanks!!

In introduction , choose a better word instead of 'good and bad' for that coherence grade 9 writing style.you can't add rhetorical questions, phrase the sentence differently to show 2 different views.
Oh before, i write more could you pls share the extract

Reply 22

idefyyoustars

Original post by revision52

oh really? my english teacher says that rhetorical questions are good to show the marker that you know there are different interpretations without actually having to go into detail about them because of little time? and the extract is from Act 3, Scene 5 and is follows:

CAPULET: How now, wife,
have you delivered to her our decree?

LADY CAPULET: Ay, sir, but she will none. She gives you thanks.
I would the fool were married to her grave.

CAPULET: Soft, take me with you, take me with you, wife.
How, will she none? Doth she not give us thanks?
Is she not proud? Doth she not count her blest, Unworthy as she is, that we have wrought so worthy a gentleman to be her bride?

JULIET: Not proud you have, but thankful that you have:
Proud can I never be of what i hate
But thankful even for hate that is meant love.

CAPULET: How how, how how, chopt-logic? What is this?
"Proud", and 'I thank you', and 'I thank you not',
And yet 'not proud', mistress minion you?
Thank me no thankings, nor proud me no prouds,
But fettle your fine joints 'gainst Thursday next,
To go with Paris to Saint Peter's Church,
Or I will drag thee on a hurdle thither.
Out, you green-sickness carrion! out, you baggage!
You tallow-face!

Reply 23

revision52

Original post by idefyyoustars

This would be so helpful if you can do Romeo and Juliet!
The question was “How does Shakespeare present the relationships between adults and young people?” and I completed it in 50 mins. :smile:

In the tragic tale of the "two star-crossed lovers" Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare presents the relationship between adults and young people as both good and bad. The reader has to consider: did he do this to portray the importance of older generations impact on young love or to show how gender plays a big role in the relationships between the older and younger generation?
In this extract, Juliet is told she must marry Paris. Juliet’s relationship with her parents at this point in the play is conflicted. The audience can see her conflicted views about her parents through the constant contrast in her speech. For example, Shakespeare uses juxtaposition to link “love” and “hate” within Juliet’s words, therefore linking the ideas into the audience’s head too. These ideas are intertwined throughout the novel, suggesting Shakespeare wants to connect the ideas and perhaps show that love conquers hate. This proleptic irony from Juliet is used to give clues to the audience that her and Romeo’s love will end with them on a “hurdle”, further enrooting the idea of fate in the play in addition to the prologue.
Juliet is also never alone on stage, except when she fakes her own death. She is constantly under a watchful eye, whether that be from the Nurse or her parents, or even Romeo. This constant supervision makes her fake death scene even more crucial. The fact no-one else is on stage suggests she has nowhere else to turn and her relationships with adults in the play has significantly worsened, so much so that she thinks she only needs Romeo. Perhaps Shakespeare does this to suggest to the audience that relationships between adults and young people are crucial to keep control of the immensity of young love?
This supervision of Juliet is contrasted with Romeo’s freedom. Lord and Lady Montague are a-lot more distant towards Romeo compared to Juliet’s parents, at times not even knowing where their son is, enquiring Benvolio “Where is Romeo?” in the second scene of the play. The fact that this quote comes up some early in the play immediately sets emotional distance between Romeo and his parents. Shakespeare could have done this to show the because Romeo is a male in the 13th century patriarchal society, he is given more freedom than Juliet; setting double standards within 13th century Verona and warning that, if the audience chooses to, these can be applied to Elizabethan society.
The distance between Romeo and his parents is juxtaposed with his relationship with Friar Lawrence. Romeo sees the Friar as a father figure, whom he can confide his problems in. This is shown when Romeo is banished to Mantua and is immediately goes to the Friar. Friar Lawrence berates Romeo for saying that the Prince should be "merciful and say death", establishing a familial relationship between the two. This is further embedded when Juliet, Romeo's wife, goes to the Friar for help after Romeo’s banishment. The fact that they both trust and confide in the Friar when he is arguily the reason for their death is ironic. This leaves the audience pondering: is the “star-crossed lovers”’ deaths to blame on themselves, Friar Lawrence (one of the only characters they both have a relationship with), or fate?
In conclusion, the relationships between adults and young people are explored in many different ways throughout the fated pages of Romeo and Juliet. They are presented both positively (throughout the charecter of the Friar) and negatively (through Lord and Lady Capulet and Montague), and fated (through the "fatal loins of these two foes"). Gender also plays major role in the relationships between the adults and young people, with Juliet's constant supervision and Romeo's freedom. The reader can infer that Shakespeare could have chosen to do this to present the nature of human relationships as complex and complicated, as well as bringing attention to the double standards of the patriarchal Elizabethen society.
Thanks!!

AO1 -11/12
AO2 -10/12 just a little bit more unpacking of language in extract
AO3 -5/6

Overall = 26/30 (Level 6)

Reply 24

User_09

Hi, what can i do in general to get full marks in A01 and A02???

Reply 25

revision52

Original post by User_09

Hi, what can i do in general to get full marks in A01 and A02???

This Applies to all texts, such as Macbeth, X-Mas Carol, Inspector calls, Power and conflict poetry. Of course you don't get extracts for paper 2 tho. This has been made to help with Lit paper 1 on Monday using the example of a Shakespeare play, but this is the same for Dickens and Stevenson's play too, as it's the same paper/format.

AO1:-
*your essay should be around 500-750 words*

I generally recommend having a good structure for your essay. If you're good working in timed conditions, for example on the literature paper 1 exam (the extract paper), you get 1 hr 45 mins to answer 2 questions. So, that means you can spend 52 mins on Macbeth and 52 mins on A Christmas Carol. I recommend planning before u start writing your answer for 5-7 mins and 45 min writing time for both sections.

30 mark dream structure as follows:- Introduction (thesis statement), Paragraph 1 and Paragraph 2 (on extract), Paragraph 3 and Paragraph 4 (on rest of the play/novella), Conclusion.
It's important to refer to extract (2 paragraphs) and rest of play/novella (2 paragraphs) to get a balance argument

It's important to be focused on the question throughout and not going into a different idea or theme which isn't relevant to the question as that will gain no marks even if it's amazing ideas but simply not what the question is asking. To avoid this, you can use wording of question at all times, for example if the question is on how Macbeth is a violent character Use the word 'violent' throughout. Also, this is sometimes similar to language paper 1 question 4 if relevant. So, if the question is on Macbeth being violent. Write extract and wider play paragraphs which show Macbeth is violent. But in your rest of the play paragraph you can argue the extent of this and how maybe Macbeth isn't as violent as maybe Lady Macbeth who manipulates him, and then talk about patriarchy and why Shakespeare did this and audience response.

AO2

Analyse language (similar to english language paper 1 question 2, or paper 2 question3), Structure (language paper 1 question 3) ,and form/structure (If you're aiming for grade 7-9, do not start with the extract, write your essay chronologically, so if the extract is from Act 4. Write paragraphs from rest of the play first chronologically from the beginning and when you get to Act 4, reference the extract). But to get marks you need to talk about how language and structural features create meanings. YOU always need to mention Why Shakespeare is doing this , why is he crafting the play like this and has these characters in this way, how the audience will feel.

AO3

Context which is only worth 6 marks. But how does context influence Shakespeare's ideas and his writing.

AO4

Spelling, Punctuation and Grammar and Terminology and vocabulary

Reply 26

idefyyoustars

Original post by revision52

AO1 -11/12
AO2 -10/12 just a little bit more unpacking of language in extract
AO3 -5/6
Overall = 26/30 (Level 6)

thank you! what can i do to unpack the language? pick out important key words or analysis on the language techniques like oxymorons and such? also which grade would this approximately be if you know? :smile:

Reply 27

revision52

Original post by idefyyoustars

Yes exactly what you said, pick out language/structural features from quotes and how it creates meanings. look at my post above in which i go over the AOs including AO2. I think that is a grade 8 (86%) but of course if the 2024 question is hard across the whole nation, grade boundaries will go up and vice versa.

Reply 28

idefyyoustars

Original post by revision52

okay will do thank you sm!! :smile:

Reply 29

revision52

Well done everyone on literature paper 1 today, hope it went well for everyone. I'm still available to mark your GCSE English Language AQA responses for both papers as well as your AQA GCSE English Literature paper 2 texts including Lord of the Flies, An Inspector Calls, Both anthologies for poetry along with unseen poetry. Pls send these to me or if you need any help or tips, let me know as I'm happy to help hence the reason why I started this poll for people who would like advice.

Reply 30

User_09

Original post by revision52

how do you recommend approaching unseen? How many times should i read the poem? And also how much should i write? I usually only have time for 2 paragraphs, is that ok???

Reply 31

revision52

Original post by User_09

how do you recommend approaching unseen? How many times should i read the poem? And also how much should i write? I usually only have time for 2 paragraphs, is that ok???

AQA is helping you with unseen poetry in the question. So, before reading the poem, read the question (e.g. how does Smith present ideas about love). Then read the poem twice , understanding what it means about love. On your 3rd reading, pick out how writer is presenting love by AO2, like language devices, structural devices, form and structure. Since its is a 28 mark question (including SPaG) spend 30-32 mins on it. Then for the 8 mark comparison question, look out for if there are similarities/difference around love.

Reply 32

J ~ I§U

Original post by revision52

Hiii! I revised a bit so I attempted another question but its more like a general question as I want to revise what to say before I acc try proper questions because I get stumped by what the question is asking. Do you mind marking this tyy!
Btw let me know if anything is unreadable.

(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 33

itssadie

Original post by revision52

Omg thank you!!! I would really like it if you marked my English Language paper 1 (June 2022 past paper). Ofc take as much time as you need because lots of people have already responded!

Question 2: “How does the writer use language here to describe the conflict between Kino and the Scorpion?” (8 marks)
The writer uses language to describe the conflict between Kino and the scorpion as being tense, dangerous and like a song. This is shown through the juxtaposition when he refers to the scorpion as the “song of Evil” and his family as the “song of the Family”. This puts a clear divide between Kino’s family and the scorpion who is their “foe” that wants to harm them. The use of the capital letter in “Evil” and “Family” only further emphasises their roles as enemies who wish to cause harm to each other, although for different reasons, as Kino wants to protect his family, but the scorpion wants to harm them because that’s its nature. The threat of the scorpion is further emphasised through the use of the triple “savage, secret, dangerous”, proving how large of a negative impact the scorpion has on the family. The adjective “savage” implies the scorpion has no care for human life and instead simply disregards it, possibly due to it’s violent nature. The adjective “secret” implies that the scorpion’s appearance is surprising, unexpected, and it is not meant to be anywhere near the family.
Question 3: Structure (8 marks)
The writer uses differentiating sentence structures throughout the text to interest us as reader and make us want to read on when a paragraph composed of almost entirely longer sentences is broken up by a short sentence “Kino and Juana froze in their positions.” when they first notice the scorpion. This shows how tense they are that the scorpion, which poses a large threat, is so close to their baby– who would be especially vulnerable if it were to be attacked. It also consumes all of their attention and makes them stop what they were doing, proving how it has soured the regular, normal attitude between them before the scorpion arrived. As readers we can clearly see how much concern the parents have for their baby in the face of danger, making us admire them for it. After the baby is stung they speak in short sentences “Scorpion. “The baby has been stung.”, showing their desperation to get help for the baby and how their focus shifted away from the scorpion towards their injured child. As readers this causes us to want to read on as we are concerned for the baby and want to know if they make it to the doctor successfully and if the baby survives.
Question 4 (Everything) (16 marks)
I agree that Juana’s reaction to when the baby gets stung is very different to Kino’s, with Juana immediately trying to save the baby’s life and Kino acting unhelpfully. However, this could be because Kino feels helpless and like he has not done enough to try and save the baby when we learn that the scorpion “Fell past his finger, fell on the baby’s shoulder, landed and struck.” Showing that he was not able to stop the scorpion in time, resulting in it stinging his baby, which could possibly be a fatal wound for someone so young. Although, the adjective “fell” may suggest that the situation was out of his control and there wasn’t much he could do to stop the scorpion, who’s course seemed to be set and unstoppable. His feelings of failure are further shown when “Kino hovered; he was in the way.”. It is almost as if he thinks there is nothing more he can do for the baby after failing to capture the scorpion, like he has given up. However, the adjective “hovered” suggests that maybe he does want to help, he is just unsure of how to do so. As readers we realise that his unhelpful actions could be due to feelings of inadequacy after not being successful in capturing the scorpion the first time. Whereas, Juana immediately springs into action and attempts to save the baby when she “had the baby in her arms now… sucked hard and spat”. This shows how strong her maternal instincts are as she is quick to both comfort her baby by holding it in her arms and try to remove the venom so the baby has a higher chance of survival. The simile “eyes as cold as the eyes of a lioness” shows her immediate change in attitude and personality from “patient and fragile” when the baby is threatened, possibly from desperation to do anything to save the baby. As readers we will admire her determination to do anything she can to save her baby, based on what is available to her.
SECTION B
Question 5: creative writing. (40 marks)
Life saving rescue
The boat rocks under the sea’s violent intensity, struggling against the current that seems so focused on pulling it under. Still, it persists, rocking against the waves in a chaotic dance. It would survive– and so would the soul on board. That was certain.
It was a small thing, the boat: from stern to end it barely measured more than 20 feet, it was only graced with the presence of a singular crew member and, worst of all, the emergency motor attached to the back simply refused to start up. It was a dire situation, indeed.
If you were to peek inside the equally tiny cabin, you would see a quivering, shaking man, quaking in all-consuming fear. Once a strong sailor, who had supposedly braved each of the seven seas in true captain fashion, now reduced to a crying, panicking mess. He believed that he was well and truly stuck. Stuck was the only way to describe it; it’s not like anyone was coming for him in this storm. A melancholic sort of resignation set deep into his heart, there was nothing he could do now.
Only mere hours ago, the man and the boat were waiting portside to set sail. To go on one final adventure– for old time’s sake. A fresh coat of paint– the brightest Ruby red you had ever seen– adorned the boat’s like a particularly beautiful piece of jewellery. No doubt that the boat would be proudly showing its new outfit off, if it were able to. The sailor was equally as proud, wearing his old sailing suit that somehow still fit like a glove. It’s deep, black stitching, a stark contrast to his freshly trimmed white beard that was so long it would even make Santa jealous. But, that felt like hours ago.
Suddenly, a horn sounded. An extremely loud horn. Pulling himself from his sobs and prayers, the old sailor stared out of the window; it was old and thick and warped his view horrendously. He desperately wanted to find the source of that angel’s call. A nondescript, yet impossibly large and impossibly grey ship appeared in his vision. Full of life again, the sailor whooped and cheered with all his might. Until his lungs were burning with undiluted passion. He was going to be saved! He was going to survive! He was going to live!

Thank you so much!

Reply 34

revision52

Hey everyone, I will get these marked by the end of this week and will send these to you on Friday, so till then keep sending questions, and I'll give everyone marks out on friday for every question they've done. right now, i am busy marking some history gcse work

(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 35

J ~ I§U

Does anyone know any good explanations for 'it's my duty to keep labour costs own', ' higher prices and lower costs' and ' famous younger generation' as in what can i say?

Reply 36

revision52

Original post by itssadie

Omg thank you!!! I would really like it if you marked my English Language paper 1 (June 2022 past paper). Ofc take as much time as you need because lots of people have already responded!
Question 2: “How does the writer use language here to describe the conflict between Kino and the Scorpion?” (8 marks)
The writer uses language to describe the conflict between Kino and the scorpion as being tense, dangerous and like a song. This is shown through the juxtaposition when he refers to the scorpion as the “song of Evil” and his family as the “song of the Family”. This puts a clear divide between Kino’s family and the scorpion who is their “foe” that wants to harm them. The use of the capital letter in “Evil” and “Family” only further emphasises their roles as enemies who wish to cause harm to each other, although for different reasons, as Kino wants to protect his family, but the scorpion wants to harm them because that’s its nature. The threat of the scorpion is further emphasised through the use of the triple “savage, secret, dangerous”, proving how large of a negative impact the scorpion has on the family. The adjective “savage” implies the scorpion has no care for human life and instead simply disregards it, possibly due to it’s violent nature. The adjective “secret” implies that the scorpion’s appearance is surprising, unexpected, and it is not meant to be anywhere near the family.
Question 3: Structure (8 marks)
The writer uses differentiating sentence structures throughout the text to interest us as reader and make us want to read on when a paragraph composed of almost entirely longer sentences is broken up by a short sentence “Kino and Juana froze in their positions.” when they first notice the scorpion. This shows how tense they are that the scorpion, which poses a large threat, is so close to their baby– who would be especially vulnerable if it were to be attacked. It also consumes all of their attention and makes them stop what they were doing, proving how it has soured the regular, normal attitude between them before the scorpion arrived. As readers we can clearly see how much concern the parents have for their baby in the face of danger, making us admire them for it. After the baby is stung they speak in short sentences “Scorpion. “The baby has been stung.”, showing their desperation to get help for the baby and how their focus shifted away from the scorpion towards their injured child. As readers this causes us to want to read on as we are concerned for the baby and want to know if they make it to the doctor successfully and if the baby survives.
Question 4 (Everything) (16 marks)
I agree that Juana’s reaction to when the baby gets stung is very different to Kino’s, with Juana immediately trying to save the baby’s life and Kino acting unhelpfully. However, this could be because Kino feels helpless and like he has not done enough to try and save the baby when we learn that the scorpion “Fell past his finger, fell on the baby’s shoulder, landed and struck.” Showing that he was not able to stop the scorpion in time, resulting in it stinging his baby, which could possibly be a fatal wound for someone so young. Although, the adjective “fell” may suggest that the situation was out of his control and there wasn’t much he could do to stop the scorpion, who’s course seemed to be set and unstoppable. His feelings of failure are further shown when “Kino hovered; he was in the way.”. It is almost as if he thinks there is nothing more he can do for the baby after failing to capture the scorpion, like he has given up. However, the adjective “hovered” suggests that maybe he does want to help, he is just unsure of how to do so. As readers we realise that his unhelpful actions could be due to feelings of inadequacy after not being successful in capturing the scorpion the first time. Whereas, Juana immediately springs into action and attempts to save the baby when she “had the baby in her arms now… sucked hard and spat”. This shows how strong her maternal instincts are as she is quick to both comfort her baby by holding it in her arms and try to remove the venom so the baby has a higher chance of survival. The simile “eyes as cold as the eyes of a lioness” shows her immediate change in attitude and personality from “patient and fragile” when the baby is threatened, possibly from desperation to do anything to save the baby. As readers we will admire her determination to do anything she can to save her baby, based on what is available to her.
SECTION B
Question 5: creative writing. (40 marks)
Life saving rescue
The boat rocks under the sea’s violent intensity, struggling against the current that seems so focused on pulling it under. Still, it persists, rocking against the waves in a chaotic dance. It would survive– and so would the soul on board. That was certain.
It was a small thing, the boat: from stern to end it barely measured more than 20 feet, it was only graced with the presence of a singular crew member and, worst of all, the emergency motor attached to the back simply refused to start up. It was a dire situation, indeed.
If you were to peek inside the equally tiny cabin, you would see a quivering, shaking man, quaking in all-consuming fear. Once a strong sailor, who had supposedly braved each of the seven seas in true captain fashion, now reduced to a crying, panicking mess. He believed that he was well and truly stuck. Stuck was the only way to describe it; it’s not like anyone was coming for him in this storm. A melancholic sort of resignation set deep into his heart, there was nothing he could do now.
Only mere hours ago, the man and the boat were waiting portside to set sail. To go on one final adventure– for old time’s sake. A fresh coat of paint– the brightest Ruby red you had ever seen– adorned the boat’s like a particularly beautiful piece of jewellery. No doubt that the boat would be proudly showing its new outfit off, if it were able to. The sailor was equally as proud, wearing his old sailing suit that somehow still fit like a glove. It’s deep, black stitching, a stark contrast to his freshly trimmed white beard that was so long it would even make Santa jealous. But, that felt like hours ago.
Suddenly, a horn sounded. An extremely loud horn. Pulling himself from his sobs and prayers, the old sailor stared out of the window; it was old and thick and warped his view horrendously. He desperately wanted to find the source of that angel’s call. A nondescript, yet impossibly large and impossibly grey ship appeared in his vision. Full of life again, the sailor whooped and cheered with all his might. Until his lungs were burning with undiluted passion. He was going to be saved! He was going to survive! He was going to live!
Thank you so much!

hey, question 4 is a 20 marker by the way

Reply 37

revision52

Original post by J ~ I§U

I hope this took you no more than 50 mins.

Paragraph 1 - embed quotes rather than saying the quote hard looking.. Also, lower class is too generalised, you could maybe use fancy terms like the proletariat for lower/working/under class and bourgeoisie for upper class. You shouldn't leave a line after the 1st paragraph as you're continuing looking at the quote. Also, you have clear ideas on class, but to get to the top band you need coherent gold ideas about the text. *Mention why Priestley is presenting class this way, what's his message, and what the audience would think about this*

Paragraph 2- Good, you have 1 quote analysed with priestley's intention and audience response, as well as some historical/social context.

Paragraph 3 - end with 'to challenge class divisions'
P4 - it is spelt 'ostracised'

Maybe, you could contrast him to other characters who have different views on class divisions and apply AO2.
I recommend reading through my above post on explaining the AO's

I would award this 19/30

Reply 38

revision52

Original post by itssadie

Omg thank you!!! I would really like it if you marked my English Language paper 1 (June 2022 past paper). Ofc take as much time as you need because lots of people have already responded!
Question 2: “How does the writer use language here to describe the conflict between Kino and the Scorpion?” (8 marks)
The writer uses language to describe the conflict between Kino and the scorpion as being tense, dangerous and like a song. This is shown through the juxtaposition when he refers to the scorpion as the “song of Evil” and his family as the “song of the Family”. This puts a clear divide between Kino’s family and the scorpion who is their “foe” that wants to harm them. The use of the capital letter in “Evil” and “Family” only further emphasises their roles as enemies who wish to cause harm to each other, although for different reasons, as Kino wants to protect his family, but the scorpion wants to harm them because that’s its nature. The threat of the scorpion is further emphasised through the use of the triple “savage, secret, dangerous”, proving how large of a negative impact the scorpion has on the family. The adjective “savage” implies the scorpion has no care for human life and instead simply disregards it, possibly due to it’s violent nature. The adjective “secret” implies that the scorpion’s appearance is surprising, unexpected, and it is not meant to be anywhere near the family.
Question 3: Structure (8 marks)
The writer uses differentiating sentence structures throughout the text to interest us as reader and make us want to read on when a paragraph composed of almost entirely longer sentences is broken up by a short sentence “Kino and Juana froze in their positions.” when they first notice the scorpion. This shows how tense they are that the scorpion, which poses a large threat, is so close to their baby– who would be especially vulnerable if it were to be attacked. It also consumes all of their attention and makes them stop what they were doing, proving how it has soured the regular, normal attitude between them before the scorpion arrived. As readers we can clearly see how much concern the parents have for their baby in the face of danger, making us admire them for it. After the baby is stung they speak in short sentences “Scorpion. “The baby has been stung.”, showing their desperation to get help for the baby and how their focus shifted away from the scorpion towards their injured child. As readers this causes us to want to read on as we are concerned for the baby and want to know if they make it to the doctor successfully and if the baby survives.
Question 4 (Everything) (16 marks)
I agree that Juana’s reaction to when the baby gets stung is very different to Kino’s, with Juana immediately trying to save the baby’s life and Kino acting unhelpfully. However, this could be because Kino feels helpless and like he has not done enough to try and save the baby when we learn that the scorpion “Fell past his finger, fell on the baby’s shoulder, landed and struck.” Showing that he was not able to stop the scorpion in time, resulting in it stinging his baby, which could possibly be a fatal wound for someone so young. Although, the adjective “fell” may suggest that the situation was out of his control and there wasn’t much he could do to stop the scorpion, who’s course seemed to be set and unstoppable. His feelings of failure are further shown when “Kino hovered; he was in the way.”. It is almost as if he thinks there is nothing more he can do for the baby after failing to capture the scorpion, like he has given up. However, the adjective “hovered” suggests that maybe he does want to help, he is just unsure of how to do so. As readers we realise that his unhelpful actions could be due to feelings of inadequacy after not being successful in capturing the scorpion the first time. Whereas, Juana immediately springs into action and attempts to save the baby when she “had the baby in her arms now… sucked hard and spat”. This shows how strong her maternal instincts are as she is quick to both comfort her baby by holding it in her arms and try to remove the venom so the baby has a higher chance of survival. The simile “eyes as cold as the eyes of a lioness” shows her immediate change in attitude and personality from “patient and fragile” when the baby is threatened, possibly from desperation to do anything to save the baby. As readers we will admire her determination to do anything she can to save her baby, based on what is available to her.
SECTION B
Question 5: creative writing. (40 marks)
Life saving rescue
The boat rocks under the sea’s violent intensity, struggling against the current that seems so focused on pulling it under. Still, it persists, rocking against the waves in a chaotic dance. It would survive– and so would the soul on board. That was certain.
It was a small thing, the boat: from stern to end it barely measured more than 20 feet, it was only graced with the presence of a singular crew member and, worst of all, the emergency motor attached to the back simply refused to start up. It was a dire situation, indeed.
If you were to peek inside the equally tiny cabin, you would see a quivering, shaking man, quaking in all-consuming fear. Once a strong sailor, who had supposedly braved each of the seven seas in true captain fashion, now reduced to a crying, panicking mess. He believed that he was well and truly stuck. Stuck was the only way to describe it; it’s not like anyone was coming for him in this storm. A melancholic sort of resignation set deep into his heart, there was nothing he could do now.
Only mere hours ago, the man and the boat were waiting portside to set sail. To go on one final adventure– for old time’s sake. A fresh coat of paint– the brightest Ruby red you had ever seen– adorned the boat’s like a particularly beautiful piece of jewellery. No doubt that the boat would be proudly showing its new outfit off, if it were able to. The sailor was equally as proud, wearing his old sailing suit that somehow still fit like a glove. It’s deep, black stitching, a stark contrast to his freshly trimmed white beard that was so long it would even make Santa jealous. But, that felt like hours ago.
Suddenly, a horn sounded. An extremely loud horn. Pulling himself from his sobs and prayers, the old sailor stared out of the window; it was old and thick and warped his view horrendously. He desperately wanted to find the source of that angel’s call. A nondescript, yet impossibly large and impossibly grey ship appeared in his vision. Full of life again, the sailor whooped and cheered with all his might. Until his lungs were burning with undiluted passion. He was going to be saved! He was going to survive! He was going to live!
Thank you so much!

Language 8 marker.

Use the word sibilance for 'savage secret'. Instead of capital letter, use anaphora if the quote was 'song of evil..song of family.'

6/8 *technical terms selection to advance and follow up with different interpretations and elaborate onto the effect*Please leave a line b/w paragraphs

Structure 8 marker:-

5/8 *2 distinct paragraphs with detailed analysis of structural devices need* *avoid saying this makes the reader want to read on*

20 marker Evaluation

8/20 *need 2 more paragraphs with more evaluation*

40 marker Creative Writing

27/40

Overall - 46/76 or 60% (grade 6)

Reply 39

lillieg0045

Original post by revision52

Hi I would areally appreciate if you could mark this if you get time!! Thank you so much

‘The head is for The Beast, it’s a gift.’ Explore how Golding Presents the importance of The Beast to different characters in Lord of the Flies.
From the beginning of Golding’s allegorical novel ‘Lord of the Flies’, the boys are plagued and haunted by the idea of ‘a Beast’ that roams on the island. Golding uses the Beast as a mythical idea in order to illustrate the Boys’ misconception that evil arises from external forces and not themselves. Throughout the novel, the different characters' reactions to the Beast and what it represents varies but ultimately reveal their true personalities and more about the symbols that they represent.
Initially the idea of ‘a beast’ first arises in chapter 2 from the littluns and to them, The Beast represents fear and its power. Logically, the littluns being the youngest and most vulnerable on the island are the primary sources of the idea of a “snake thing”. It is important to note that when we are first introduced to any idea of a Beast it is seen as a ‘Snake’. This has important biblical connotations, obviously linking to the serpent that tempted Eve in the Garden of Eden. Perhaps suggesting how the idea of a monster is what tempts the boys into committing violent acts such as Piggy and Simon’s brutal murders. Alternatively this ‘snake’ could link to how the boys are at the height of their innocence and Golding’s thought experiment that is the island is used in order to illustrate a retelling of mankind’s fall, parallel to Adam and Eve eating the forbidden fruit. This idea of a monster inspires fear mainly in the littluns which some rationalist characters like Piggy and Ralph initially dismiss. Golding first uses the Beast to show that this fear is a powerful emotion which can cause people to commit terrible deeds.
Jack, who Golding uses in order to symbolise man’s evil, utilises the idea of a Beast in order to gain power. In the chapter 2 assembly he exclaims how “If there was a snake thing we’d hunt and kill it!”. Here the beast represents the boys’ weakness and their primal fear which Jack manipulates and is almost delighted to have an excuse to hunt. Golding foreshadows Jack’s later obsession with hunting and illustrates how Jack’s animal instincts or his id ( his primal urges - according to Freud’s theory of personality) have already started to consume him. Jack also uses persuasive language in the Chapter 5 assembly in order to reassure the others of his strength, he uses the rhetorical question “Am I a hunter or am I not?” and calls the littluns a “useless lot of cry-babies”. Clearly, Jack lacks compassion for the littluns and their fear of the ‘Beast’, this is one of the key characteristics that separates Ralph and Jack as leaders. Whilst Jack uses fear to his advantage to usurp Ralph and build an Authoritarian society, Ralph continues to uphold democratic views on the island. Jack’s lack of compassion could be why he devolves into savagery first, as ultimately emotion is the only quality that separates humans from animals. Therefore, in order to gain power, the Beast is a key tool for Jack as he can offer something Ralph can’t, protection from this unknown force.
In contrast, Simon is the only character on the island who truly understands the Beast’s true form; as a part of the boys themselves, the innate evil that Golding believed every human had inside of them. In the chapter 5 assembly he expresses how “What I mean is…maybe it's only us”, he clearly struggles with trying to explain “Mankind’s essential illness” and looks for a simple way to explain it to the rest of the boys. Simon develops properties that are similar to a sort of mystic or psychic, although he cannot express his revelation easily. In chapter 8 he has a revelation where in a way Golding uses him as a medium through which the Lord of the Flies can communicate with the reader. In his meeting with the pig’s head it mocks him and explains “Fancy thinking the Beast was something you could hunt and kill!..I'm close, close!” cementing the idea that the evil is inside of the boys and the Pig’s head is just a manifestation of this innate evil. It is also Simon who discovers the dead parachutist realising “The Beast was harmless and horrible”. Golding uses the adjective “horrible” in order to underline how the terrible violence that is taking place on the island mirrors the war that is happening in the wider world of the book. This war represents the violent outbursts of society when the desire for power and violence overwhelms the desire for order and peace. Perhaps symbolic of the then recent World War 2 which Golding himself was a part of and had experienced the horrors that spurred him to write ‘Lord of the flies’.
Ultimately, the Boys give in to their savage desires and savagery wins on the island when Jack’s tribe begin to almost worship the Beast. After the violent Pig hunt in chapter 7 which is described in graphic detail, Jack explains how “The head is for the Beast, it’s a gift”. The fact that they have replaced God with the Beast which is really the manifestation of evil by giving it a ‘gift’ represents how these savage desires have now become a part of them . he boys’ perform ritualistic dances such as in Simon’s death, chanting the tricolon “Kill the beast! Cut his throat! Spill his blood!”. The violent verbs ‘Kill’ and ‘Cut' and simple sentence structure mirror the simplicity with which they comply and underline the dangers of mob mentality. Even Piggy and Ralph, the two characters who are meant to represent civilization and hope for humanity, take part in the murder of Simon, which could almost be seen as the turning point on the island, when all morality is destroyed and evil has overtaken everyone. The fact that all the characters are young children makes this discovery even more poignant. As a result of the idolization of the Beast the boys become the very evil that they believed they were hunting.
In conclusion, Golding utilises the Beast as a catalyst for the boys’ descent into evil and loss of innocence in the novel ‘Lord of the Flies’. Golding aims to show that evil is present in everyone and everywhere and uses characters such as Ralph and Jack to do this. He aims to present the reader with the question that if there was no society to tame us, would we really be consumed by our savage desires?