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My first relationship. I don't feel sure about it and idk what to do

Hi, so just to say I'm a very obsessive person and tend to always think negative. This is also my first relationship so I'm been quite hesitant, Claudius and anxious the whole time.
I'm 19 he is 20. We met 4 months ago and been dating 3. Since the start of knowing each other there are bouts of awkwardness and feelings off but I have this with many people. I used to obsess about this and worry alot. Since dating this hasn't went away and we get a weird vibe alot together and both feel drained, irritated and just bad. We spent a week together and it didn't go great. Just felt weird.
I've been noticing behaviours which I am not fond of. Impatience and irritation. I normally keep quite even if I'm annoyed or upset and present everything is fine. He doesn't. This morning, we woke up and I asked let's stay in bed for a bit. He got out of bed, asked to shower and shut shower door quick and bit harsh. Then I said U want coffee or anything. He said idk. He was quite and not chatty. Another time we were trying to pick restaurant to eat and I couldn't decide and harshly he said can you just pick a restaurant. I felt like crying with his tone and just felt weird. It was frustrating that day with other things tho but still. Also he sometimes does things in public such as sex noises or just walking up to people and doing silly stuff. He told me in school he used to draw ***** in board and set off fire alarm. He told me he walked out of a job and seems to just be a little bit reactive which is human but I guess I'm just not. I obsess about our relationship if it's normal to still feel nervous to meet incase it feels off or awkward and it normally is a bit. I don't know what to do. He's genuinely a lovely guy and has done nothing wrong but I guess when we meet something causes me worry or I feel just weird and think we should break up. I don't want to be self sabotaging tho and want to still stay in contact with him but just like a check up text yk. He had a tough year with parent die and left his girlfriend who he lived with. He is quite an anxious guy but U guess this relationship causes me alot if anxiety. Ge doesn't but pressure if relationship does and I don't think I should keep seeing him if I feel like this however I don't want to make huge mistake I'll regret forever and I'll never find anyone as I self sabotage. I just keep obsessing over things. I feel sick how much I obsess and then think even if we break up I'll still be anxious or I'll miss him but I made mistakes. He met my family and it went okay. My family like him slot so I also worry if we break up what I should do. My mum talks about me marrying him or travelling the world together.
I've never had relationship before. I have told him how anxious I can get and how I feel but I told him I still want to see each other. I now think maybe we shouldn't and I should work on myself.
I also worry how to tell him as I don't want this to be big deal and want to stay connected. I also worry about stalker. He doesn't give me vibes of that but I see online exes which becomes dangerous and kidnap or kill and I get worried.

SUMMERY- I get so obsessive, overwhelmed and anxious by first relationship I think I should break up. I'm scared I will regret it tho and it's self sabotaging. I've had great memories with him but also weird, off vibes. Advice as it's not a huge deal but my brain makes it to be end of the eorld
Original post by ghdjjddjjd
Hi, so just to say I'm a very obsessive person and tend to always think negative. This is also my first relationship so I'm been quite hesitant, Claudius and anxious the whole time.
I'm 19 he is 20. We met 4 months ago and been dating 3. Since the start of knowing each other there are bouts of awkwardness and feelings off but I have this with many people. I used to obsess about this and worry alot. Since dating this hasn't went away and we get a weird vibe alot together and both feel drained, irritated and just bad. We spent a week together and it didn't go great. Just felt weird.
I've been noticing behaviours which I am not fond of. Impatience and irritation. I normally keep quite even if I'm annoyed or upset and present everything is fine. He doesn't. This morning, we woke up and I asked let's stay in bed for a bit. He got out of bed, asked to shower and shut shower door quick and bit harsh. Then I said U want coffee or anything. He said idk. He was quite and not chatty. Another time we were trying to pick restaurant to eat and I couldn't decide and harshly he said can you just pick a restaurant. I felt like crying with his tone and just felt weird. It was frustrating that day with other things tho but still. Also he sometimes does things in public such as sex noises or just walking up to people and doing silly stuff. He told me in school he used to draw ***** in board and set off fire alarm. He told me he walked out of a job and seems to just be a little bit reactive which is human but I guess I'm just not. I obsess about our relationship if it's normal to still feel nervous to meet incase it feels off or awkward and it normally is a bit. I don't know what to do. He's genuinely a lovely guy and has done nothing wrong but I guess when we meet something causes me worry or I feel just weird and think we should break up. I don't want to be self sabotaging tho and want to still stay in contact with him but just like a check up text yk. He had a tough year with parent die and left his girlfriend who he lived with. He is quite an anxious guy but U guess this relationship causes me alot if anxiety. Ge doesn't but pressure if relationship does and I don't think I should keep seeing him if I feel like this however I don't want to make huge mistake I'll regret forever and I'll never find anyone as I self sabotage. I just keep obsessing over things. I feel sick how much I obsess and then think even if we break up I'll still be anxious or I'll miss him but I made mistakes. He met my family and it went okay. My family like him slot so I also worry if we break up what I should do. My mum talks about me marrying him or travelling the world together.
I've never had relationship before. I have told him how anxious I can get and how I feel but I told him I still want to see each other. I now think maybe we shouldn't and I should work on myself.
I also worry how to tell him as I don't want this to be big deal and want to stay connected. I also worry about stalker. He doesn't give me vibes of that but I see online exes which becomes dangerous and kidnap or kill and I get worried.
SUMMERY- I get so obsessive, overwhelmed and anxious by first relationship I think I should break up. I'm scared I will regret it tho and it's self sabotaging. I've had great memories with him but also weird, off vibes. Advice as it's not a huge deal but my brain makes it to be end of the eorld

mate… you are fine! You deserve better first of all- don’t date someone just because you’re worried about their reaction or parent’s expectations. Your parents want the best for you- tell them that you feel it’s not working! They want you to be happy.

Look, think of it this way: “do I want to spend the rest of my life with this person, who makes me feel this way? Do I want to feel like this for the rest of my life”. I expect the answer is no. And girl, if you’re even thinking about the stalker issues, you SHOULDNT be dating him in the first place! I understand you said how you don’t think he’s the type anyways, but you should still be dating someone you know will always want the best for you.

I’ve been in a few relationships, and some have felt exactly like yours- however, there’s also been the the few relationships where that person always made me feel like I was the only person who existed! They made me happy to be around- they made me want to spend the rest of my life around them! And then we have the odd one that I just wouldn’t let go of that was terrible- I never knew such amazing relationships were possible!

I can’t tell you when, because I myself haven’t found someone like this for a while now- but I have met so many people who try so hard to make me feel amazing, and honestly people who just made it clear they wanted to spend the rest of their life with me. YOU WILL find this person!

Also, definitely spend time on yourself! Just talk to him (in person if u want to end on good terms), and tell him that you feel like you need to focus on yourself and that you may one day want to start things again. Hence if you regret it (WHICH YOU WILL REALISE YOU WONT!), you can go back to him. If he’s a bad person, he’ll take it badly, and if he’s truly worth your time and wants your happiness then he’ll understand.

and it’s normal to miss someone, no matter how good or bad they make you feel- because it gives a sense of security having that person. You shared memories and these will not just disappear. But do you want to be making even better memories with someone else? Or stuck on this one person? You will meet so much better, and the only reason you might be so attached to the idea of him, is probably because he’s your first relationship. It took me 1 year to get over my first relationship, and afterwards I still became friends with him I the end (great friends!)

You’ll be fine, don’t worry :smile:
Original post by ghdjjddjjd
Hi, so just to say I'm a very obsessive person and tend to always think negative. This is also my first relationship so I'm been quite hesitant, Claudius and anxious the whole time.
I'm 19 he is 20. We met 4 months ago and been dating 3. Since the start of knowing each other there are bouts of awkwardness and feelings off but I have this with many people. I used to obsess about this and worry alot. Since dating this hasn't went away and we get a weird vibe alot together and both feel drained, irritated and just bad. We spent a week together and it didn't go great. Just felt weird.
I've been noticing behaviours which I am not fond of. Impatience and irritation. I normally keep quite even if I'm annoyed or upset and present everything is fine. He doesn't. This morning, we woke up and I asked let's stay in bed for a bit. He got out of bed, asked to shower and shut shower door quick and bit harsh. Then I said U want coffee or anything. He said idk. He was quite and not chatty. Another time we were trying to pick restaurant to eat and I couldn't decide and harshly he said can you just pick a restaurant. I felt like crying with his tone and just felt weird. It was frustrating that day with other things tho but still. Also he sometimes does things in public such as sex noises or just walking up to people and doing silly stuff. He told me in school he used to draw ***** in board and set off fire alarm. He told me he walked out of a job and seems to just be a little bit reactive which is human but I guess I'm just not. I obsess about our relationship if it's normal to still feel nervous to meet incase it feels off or awkward and it normally is a bit. I don't know what to do. He's genuinely a lovely guy and has done nothing wrong but I guess when we meet something causes me worry or I feel just weird and think we should break up. I don't want to be self sabotaging tho and want to still stay in contact with him but just like a check up text yk. He had a tough year with parent die and left his girlfriend who he lived with. He is quite an anxious guy but U guess this relationship causes me alot if anxiety. Ge doesn't but pressure if relationship does and I don't think I should keep seeing him if I feel like this however I don't want to make huge mistake I'll regret forever and I'll never find anyone as I self sabotage. I just keep obsessing over things. I feel sick how much I obsess and then think even if we break up I'll still be anxious or I'll miss him but I made mistakes. He met my family and it went okay. My family like him slot so I also worry if we break up what I should do. My mum talks about me marrying him or travelling the world together.
I've never had relationship before. I have told him how anxious I can get and how I feel but I told him I still want to see each other. I now think maybe we shouldn't and I should work on myself.
I also worry how to tell him as I don't want this to be big deal and want to stay connected. I also worry about stalker. He doesn't give me vibes of that but I see online exes which becomes dangerous and kidnap or kill and I get worried.
SUMMERY- I get so obsessive, overwhelmed and anxious by first relationship I think I should break up. I'm scared I will regret it tho and it's self sabotaging. I've had great memories with him but also weird, off vibes. Advice as it's not a huge deal but my brain makes it to be end of the eorld

I got half way through and stopped. This wouldn't happen with a partner you like. I understand he might be nice sometimes but it should be ALL of the time. Don't put yourself through this. You should leave him.

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