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idk what to do

Hey,
So I'm kind of in a hard situation. I have strict Muslim parents who are just so controlling (so far they've controlled which uni i go to even though I got into better ones, my career choice, where i live, my friends, i can't hang out with my friends ect...) I'm 19 in about a month and a half so I can move out, however please understand I have traditional parents who wouldn't speak to me again if I did leave. They also want me to get an arranged marriage in the future, but I already am dating someone behind their back and I can see a future with him. I really do want to move out as they are very toxic and controlling but I know they still care for me deep down and if I do I will lose my entire family (including siblings and extended relatives) I have a little bit of money and I can apply for the full amount of maintenance loan. I just don't know what to do because there are days where I just feel helpless and I can't take it anymore as I just want to leave in the moment but then there are days where I think logically and realise I should probably stay. I guess I'm just looking for advice, or if anyone has overcome a similar situation because today is one of those helpless days for me.
Reply 1
I feel for you—I really do. This is a terrible conundrum. It doesn't help that bringing your culture to a country with a different culture is a recipe for problems. Tolerance is required on both sides.
Hey, I totally understand your situation! I would say leaving your family or moving out may be a bit too early for you right now, and it’s a life decision you got to make. I’m sure you had to stay dependent on them your entire life since they are extremely conservative right? So living on you own wouldn’t be as fun and easy as it sounds, yes there is freedom, but the responsibility is huge and your family is taking that responsibility of yours for now. This is the positive side that you should never overlook. You can be rebellious all you want when they force you into arranged marriage, you can then go against them and marry your current partner and I hope you do, InSha’Allah. Once you marry your partner, you wouldn’t feel much lonely as you would feel right now if you leave your family. But for now, I would advice you to not take any impulsive decision, try and stay patient in this cage and rebel when the time is right or when you think that you have had enough. I hope Allah gives you all the strength and Sabr as you need.
Original post by Anonymous
Hey,
So I'm kind of in a hard situation. I have strict Muslim parents who are just so controlling (so far they've controlled which uni i go to even though I got into better ones, my career choice, where i live, my friends, i can't hang out with my friends ect...) I'm 19 in about a month and a half so I can move out, however please understand I have traditional parents who wouldn't speak to me again if I did leave. They also want me to get an arranged marriage in the future, but I already am dating someone behind their back and I can see a future with him. I really do want to move out as they are very toxic and controlling but I know they still care for me deep down and if I do I will lose my entire family (including siblings and extended relatives) I have a little bit of money and I can apply for the full amount of maintenance loan. I just don't know what to do because there are days where I just feel helpless and I can't take it anymore as I just want to leave in the moment but then there are days where I think logically and realise I should probably stay. I guess I'm just looking for advice, or if anyone has overcome a similar situation because today is one of those helpless days for me.


My first advice will be to develop a really close relationship with Allah. Try and pray 5x a day sister as the prayer will give you ease and stability.

I honestly advice you to not cut family ties. Your family will be there for you forever but as a boy myself, boys will come and go. So many young boys have relationships and move on.

Your parents might seem annoying and overly controlling and I get this is a real real struggle. The solution is to love Allah and cry to Allah and beg Allah to shower your life with happiness, nourish your soul with contentment and bring a handsome, righteous muslim man into your life so that you can live happily with him and build a beautiful family. The solution is salah and becoming friends with Allah. Praying for you sister.
Reply 4
See if you can agree a compromise that works for both sides. You come home and act in an appropriate way there and when you are not there you get on with you life as you want
Original post by anonymous
Hey,
So I'm kind of in a hard situation. I have strict Muslim parents who are just so controlling (so far they've controlled which uni i go to even though I got into better ones, my career choice, where i live, my friends, i can't hang out with my friends ect...) I'm 19 in about a month and a half so I can move out, however please understand I have traditional parents who wouldn't speak to me again if I did leave. They also want me to get an arranged marriage in the future, but I already am dating someone behind their back and I can see a future with him. I really do want to move out as they are very toxic and controlling but I know they still care for me deep down and if I do I will lose my entire family (including siblings and extended relatives) I have a little bit of money and I can apply for the full amount of maintenance loan. I just don't know what to do because there are days where I just feel helpless and I can't take it anymore as I just want to leave in the moment but then there are days where I think logically and realise I should probably stay. I guess I'm just looking for advice, or if anyone has overcome a similar situation because today is one of those helpless days for me.

I suppose the saying "...you CAN Run, BUT you CANNOT Hide.." come to mind. Yes you can escape the house, but at end of day unless you want to totally disown them then someday you will have to go back.

Infact think about it, I know someone who did actually escape from the family home, and is doing ok after 6 months. They are not Muslim but Asian.
(edited 1 month ago)

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