Need help in understanding myself and my bf

It has been 8 months since we have been talking to each other. I am 21 and this is my first serious relationship. I didnot date for 20 years is mainly because I didn’t want to, I didn’t wanna be physical or commit any sin for years especially when there’s always a chance of breakup in dating and for me marriage is the purest thing. I was a girl with high standards and clear boundaries, and I have talked about it to him too, I have been authentic with him from the start. I also know for a fact that guys tend to lovebomb in the beginning of a relationship, approximately for like 3-4 months. And then their efforts change. We never told each other that we love each other.
In this relationship I realised that I am extremely clingy and needy of my bf’s attention. I try to be as understanding as possible but sometimes my emotions get in the way. He is probably my first love, I mean, he is the first guy that I ever let myself to love. Being clingy isn’t easy when you get to meet your bf only once or twice a month. We do sexting, and we have been somewhat physical whenever we met. Somehow (it’s just my theory), I have been in control all my life my my sex drive has increased significantly and that is hampering my daily life and studies, maybe it is probably bcz i have let myself be sexually active recently after all these years.

The part where I need to know some of you all’s opinion is that, Two days ago, we sexted, and he was kinda initiating it normally. So I went to the shower and we both had some amazing sexting for a while. I was feeling really happy and close to him. We finished in the shower and I gave him time as in, I told him I’ll finish showering while he takes his time to relax, he seemed good. After the shower I came out and took some seductive pictures of myself as a surprise for him that I planned to give later. I have this need of feeling loved after doing all that, i need his time and attention and some nice lovey dovey words from him. He said he came from outside, and I was trying to talk to him randomly. But he seemed uninterested to talk, so I asked if he was feeling okay, I had to ask this to him twice bcz he didn’t reply even tho he was online, It made me worry. He said that he was just tired. But at that time I really needed some attention and I needed to be loved. I gave him an hour to relax himself tho. When he said that he was tired, I left the chat and took a nap. An hour later he was behaving the same way. I told him that I was feeling really distant because of his behaviour. He probably said just 2-3 words that it’s nothing like that and all. It wasn’t enough for me. He just went off to teach his students, and didn’t even text me again to see if I’m doing okay. He hung-out with his friends half of the entire night too, I don’t know when he came back home and he slept for 13 hrs as he was feeling sick. As I am really emotional, i unsent the pictures of us sexting because he made me feel so distant. And that triggered him even more. This was the first time when I felt like I was being treated like a fling. When I confronted him on the matter, i asked why did he leave me when I already told him how distant I was feeling. He replied that he couldn’t take these problems with me anymore so he needed time away. What do I do with a man that runs away from a problem that I mentioned instead of reassuring me? Is it even safe for me to think of my future with him?

Reply 1

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

I think you've probably overcomplicated things with the sexting rather than just having a physical relationship. As a stopgap, maybe, but for months or whatever it is unlikely to be what he's after.

If you're not on the same page, time to end things.