What will you be doing over the Easter break? >>

Sex sounds exhausting (+ terrible anxiety)...

As an 18-year-old virgin (0 experience in terms of relationships), having a regular sex life just... sounds so tiring, not to mention scary.

I don't know if it's because of my anxiety disorder or because I might be autistic, but there seem to be so many things to look out for: STI's, UTI's... the amount of birth control options is overwhelming and the potential side effects leave me feeling unsure (had a full on mental breakdown once). I'm also terrified of pain in general, and first times often tend to hurt, so... perhaps I also fear I will somehow get stuck with a guy who won't respect my consent or won't take a no for an answer.

Not to mention pregnancy paranoia. How do you people manage the constant fear of 'what if the condom breaks or isn't on right, what if the pills don'/ work, what if the sex hurts, what if, what if...." ? Will it get annoying for a guy if I worry so much?

I know the obvious answer is "don't have sex", but at the same time I would love to give it a try one day. I may not be ready now, but one day I'd love to be. I'm just so lost and don't really have anyone to talk about all this... fellow ladies, please help me? :frown:

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

i understand that I'm also scared to have sex i'm 18 M virgin but you don't have to worry about sex not everyone want's to have sex

Reply 2

Sinders!

Original post by gingerbreadtea

As an 18-year-old virgin (0 experience in terms of relationships), having a regular sex life just... sounds so tiring, not to mention scary.
I don't know if it's because of my anxiety disorder or because I might be autistic, but there seem to be so many things to look out for: STI's, UTI's... the amount of birth control options is overwhelming and the potential side effects leave me feeling unsure (had a full on mental breakdown once). I'm also terrified of pain in general, and first times often tend to hurt, so... perhaps I also fear I will somehow get stuck with a guy who won't respect my consent or won't take a no for an answer.
Not to mention pregnancy paranoia. How do you people manage the constant fear of 'what if the condom breaks or isn't on right, what if the pills don'/ work, what if the sex hurts, what if, what if...." ? Will it get annoying for a guy if I worry so much?
I know the obvious answer is "don't have sex", but at the same time I would love to give it a try one day. I may not be ready now, but one day I'd love to be. I'm just so lost and don't really have anyone to talk about all this... fellow ladies, please help me? :frown:

I had pretty much the same problems and concerns as you so I can really relate. My two cents would be to
1) make sure you’re doing it with someone who really cares about you (I don’t necessarily mean a relationship, I lost my virginity to my best friend)
2) get to know them properly over a long period of time so that you can be sure they’re not a bad person looking to take advantage and willing to say whatever you want to do it. Pay attention to the things they say and do and cut them no slack (this should alleviate STD concerns and that sort of thing)
3) whoever you choose, talk about ALL your concerns and do so as much as you need to. If they care about you then they’ll be patient and considerate and answer any questions. If they won’t then you should drop them. They’re the wrong person. You're not insane or unreasonable, they’re an *******
4) work your way up to it if you need to. The right person will again be patient
5) explain in advance that you might want to stop midway and not continue and make sure they are fine with this. If they’re not, they’re the wrong person
6) Try to have fun and not take it too seriously because it will likely be terrible. I would highly recommend those ridiculous sex games with cards or whatever because they take away so much of the pressure and indecision and awkwardness

I’m not gonna lie, my first time was painful and so tiring! I would not do it regularly so I really couldn’t recommend that though I’m asexual and everyone is different but I thing these things should ensure you can try it if and when you want to. Just don’t rush or put pressure on yourself. You’ll do a million things in your life that are more important and this is not the be all and end all which people make it out to be.

I hope that helps and you figure things out. Stay safe