The Student Room Group

I'm 22f and I feel my life is only going downhill

Growing up I've always been pretty outgoing and had many friends. I during my teen years I had friends in my area and friends at school. I was quite irresponsible and got drunk all the time and mess around with my friends that wasn't safe for us but we were teens.

I went to university and during my time I was already having less and less friends but it was a Great group we had. I got news that my mom was very sick during this time. So I spent more time away from my friends and away from university. I have brothers that are 14 and 15 years younger than me. So I spent a lot of time taking care of my mom and siblings and I'd often get anxiety going to uni as I was worried something might happen.

I graduated university last year and parted ways with my friends. I wasn't that close them but I still liked them because I wasn't around and didn't form a good enough connection we just stopped talking.

I've now been out of university for sometime. Now I don't have friends or a partner and I'm worried I'm too old to start. I'm worried about being in a relationship as I'm a virgin and I'm very shy on the matter. I feel most people my age are confident in the bedroom and are mature but immature if you know what I mean. They know what they're doing but I'm afraid they wouldn't take me seriously. I also don't know how I'd make friends at this age. I also still take care of my mom and siblings and im worried I'll repeat the cycle. Any advice?
Reply 1
I believe you can make friends at any age. I don't see why your age would stop you. You've always got the chance to meet someone, at least thats what I think. The most common thing people think of as a social situation after uni is work, so maybe you might make friends at a future job? Or joining local communities/online communities and connecting with people. You could even try reconnecting with your old friends.

As for relationships, there should be no shame for someone having their first relationship at the age of 22, or 35, or 67. There are so many reasons people may not date someone at all or until a later age. I know people can be rude and mean and judgy, but now you should readjust your idea of a good partner, that would be someone who wouldn't shame you for your inexperience and shyness. I know of course reassurance can be drowned out by the anxiety, but anxiety can also be drowned out by the affirmations.

As for repeating the cycle, I think just letting new friends know that you have a busy schedule in life, or that you can't text often. And then when you feel more comfortable with sharing, telling them what's happening in your life will give them an insight to you as a friend and also an understanding as to why you can only meet once a month or text them back so late. Maybe try organising things way in advance so you can carve out some time to set aside for your friends.

At least, this is all just my thinking and opinions. Personally I struggle to message/meet with my friends because of anxious thoughts and so I just kinda avoid the idea all together, which does sound massively rude, but I explain to my friends that I do want to hang out, I just get so nervous bringing it up. We still meet up occasionally, and text sometimes but not as much as I'd like. Its something I'm working on.

Wishing you all the best!

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