Hello, just looking for a bit of advice or solidarity about my experience of first year at uni and whether I should continue.
I studied product design because I thought it would give me more purpose in creativity and better job prospects than fine art, which I love equally as design. Unfortunately I've felt quite creatively limited and uninspired at points this year, and I'm left wondering, where did all the time go? Having visited my friends scattered at other unis across the country, and seeing the community and experiences they've had, I feel a bit of a sense of regret about my choice, perhaps not in the subject area, but maybe in the subject of the course or the location.
Positives this year for me are that I've got a lot of independence and I'm good at looking after myself. I love cooking for one, organising my own space and schedule, and having my own adventures. I take myself on solo trips to the coast or pool or galleries and I love it, even if I'm sometimes nervous at first. I've made a really good friend who I see every week for an evening, I like the academic nature of study, I love research and checking books out of the library, I enjoy sketching class and design history a lot. I go to choir and a monthly print club, and tried out sports for a while.
I'm left with more regrets than I thought though: the main projects I do for my course just don't inspire me and I'm not proud of my work even though I worked really hard to do it; and my self esteem has taken a hit because of this. I've been lonely a lot, I'm not naturally extroverted and I don't fit in with my course mates (there's only 23 of us and not everyone turns up much). I really miss home and my family a lot, especially since one of my younger brothers is chronically ill and we're very close as a family unit. My flat mates in uni accommodation have been borderline antisocial, I feel I don't know them at all. I found out I don't like going out drinking unless I love the people I'm with, and I've struggled to open up to people well enough to enjoy their company.
I guess what I'm asking is, do I follow through with the degree even though I have regrets?I cried in front of the whole class again last week but haven't bothered to get in touch with my personal tutor about how I'm still overwhelmed. Yet I'm making plans to try new societies and try and get people to talk to me next year, in a different uni accommodation. I'm going to pass the year with good, possibly excellent grades, but I don't really care that I've done so well. Do I double down here, accept the problem is within myself and hope I feel happier, or uproot to pursue something different? There's also the possibility that my course will feel very different next year as I move on to live projects and getting a placement at a real company. I don't know if there's much prospect of me feeling like I fit in with a community here though. What would you do? Is anyone else still conflicted about their first year experience, or felt like this in the past?