CIE IGCSE English Literature 0992 mark essay

I usually get 15/25 on my essays and I don't know how to improve. Does anyone have any advice?
What striking impressions of (Othello and) Iago does Shakespeare create at this moment in the play?
In this passage, Othello has just killed Desdemona and, after Emilia revealed Iago’s plans, he stabs her and is arrested. Shakespeare creates striking impressions of Othello as honourable regretful killer while he creates impressions of Iago as a duplicitous, devil-like lair.
Shakespeare creates striking impressions of Iago as a duplicitous, devil-like liar through the use of metaphors which Othello uses to describe him. Othello refers to Iago by saying “demand that demi-devil”, which creates an alliteration with the sound ‘d’ which gives it a harsh tone, emphasising Iago’s devilish nature especially since, here, Othello is speaking in verse. His words flow beautifully and sound smooth, while this harsh alliteration disrupts the flow mirroring how Iago interrupted the flow of his life which was going well - he was about to get married and he had a good job - and Iago ruined it with his schemes. Moreover, Shakespeare effectively portrays Iago as a liar through his last lines “What you know, you know.” suggesting that what you think you know is right, which ironically contrasts his most notable line “I am not what I am”. Which conversely suggests that what you think you know about me is not what I actually am. This strikingly ends the play and confirms Iago’s deceitful nature to, not just the audience this time, but also the characters in the play. Strikingly, Iago states that “I bleed, sir; but not kill’d”, with the word “sir” used by Iago to address Othello, seeming unorthodoxly polite for someone who hates that person and tried to ruin their life. This creates an atmosphere of unease and anticipation for the audience as it gives a sense that Iago isn’t finished with his plotting. The idea that Iago hasn’t stopped in his duplicitous ways is emphasised with the line “but not kill'd''. Iago bleeding mirrors his scheme being revealed by Emilia and being exposed while him not being “kill’d” shows that, even though he has lost this time, he is not done or even dead and will therefore continue to plot, possibly until his own demise. His lack of lines at the end, contrast at the beginning of the play and could possibly represent how he doesn’t have a lot to say. On the other hand, it could create the imagery of a snake crawling back into its hiding place before it strikes again as, although the line “From this time forth I never will speak word” states that he will never speak again, it is known throughout the play that Iago is a liar and not willing to change his ways, therefore, it is probable that he is not being completely truthful in what he says - this may just be temporary - he might speak again. Overall, Shakespeare creates shocking impressions of Iago as a devil-like liar through the use of metaphors by Othello, dramatic irony created in his last line and the metaphorical implications behind his few lines.

I do different texts, but I can offer a few tips on structure since I also do CIE igcse and the exam is next week (good luck)! 15/25 is good, so I wouldn’t worry as it’s a solid 7. Just a couple changes and you could get an 8 or 9
I can give some tips, just have a question beforehand too!

Thank you for your reply,
No this is not the full essay. It is just a paragraph I did on Iago as I wanted to see if my analysis was good enough and where I would need to improve overall. Also, if I carried on this level of analysis throughout the text, how many marks do you think I would get? Or do you know if there is anyone willing to mark my essays?
Thanks

Of course, no problem!
I’m quite surprised your teacher only gives you 15! If this detail and quality is maintained, I would say it’s at least a 16/17, but an 18 (grade 9) for sure if you refer to the different stage techniques/ stage in general (e.g plastic theatre) if relevant to the passage and make a few tweaks here and there that I previously recommended. Spark notes is useful for learning about the different techniques used on stage. Unless you chose the whole text question, then In that case definitely refer to different ways the stage has been presented (if relevant of course)! I would also recommend to make your introduction more detailed. I know a few examiners, and unfortunately they told me that a few examiners just skim the point paragraphs and fully read the intro and conclusion, so having strong intro and conclusion would be very helpful! deffo recommend answering these in your introduction:

For example, the play I am studying is a streetcar named desire. If I was answering a given extract question, on the final scene, I would do my intro like this:
In this final scene of the play, Blanche is sent away by her sister and others she trusts to a mental institution, as she falls into a world of madness. (CONTEXT!) This moment in the play is made extremely significant as Blanche retreats from her fantasy of men and her desires shown throughout the play (LINK TO WHOLE PLAY!) , and instead falls into a world of madness in which she can no longer differentiate between what is real and false- she no longer chooses to live in a fantasy intentionally, and instead Stella begins to embody Blanche’s fantasies as she turns to Stanley and ignores reality. This is an extremely ironic part of the play- (DETAILED OVERVIEW OF MY IDEA THAT I WILL TALK ABOUT IN THE ESSAY!) Williams uses plastic theatre to amplify his thoughts alongside this too. Hence William leaves the audience in empathy as they are left contemplating his message that the patriarchal system in wider society is ultimately one that results in destruction, and they seek punishment of Stanley. (AUDIENCE! AND SO WHY HE DID THIS!).
I know you’re doing a different play, but this same idea applies since you’re doing the same exam board.
Also, something I just noticed- I recommend embedding your quotes, since it gives your poem “flair” which allows you to get into those top bands
So instead of saying this is shown in the line “XYZ”, you could embed, and for example, say: (in my case for streetcar!) Stanley weeps whilst he “embraces to hug Stella”. Idk if you noticed, but I didn’t just say: Williams writes that (..). I made it flow
YOULL DO AMAZING! THE ADRENALINE IN THE EXAM WILL MAKE YOU CAPABLE OF THINGS U DIDNT EVEN KNOW U COULD DO AHAHA
Also idk if you have the English language paper 1 tomorrow, but If so, best of luck! Watch some miss Adam’s (she’s super helpful!)