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coudl someone please mark and give feedback on this english despc

could someone please mark and give feedback on this gcse english description i've written? it's on a cold environment and i'm hoping to just adapt it to the photo,would really appreciate it!!

Startling noises of hissing pierced through my ears.

Drops of rain exit the monstrous pillowcases in situ above me,drowsily float like feathers,soar in many directions;I watch as the solitary droplets crave for togetherness as they fall,discreetly skewing my vision.The frigid wind beat upon my crimson,stinging skin as the chill haltingly seeped from deep within my bones-not creasing until it conquered my entire being;a nauseating notion of hypothermia patrolled through my veins with callous intent;an abrupt waft of crisp air hurtled past me,hooking onto my nose hairs,mercilessly cascading through every last fragment within me.

The agonising hissing began to penetrate my entire body. Deafening most of me…

Winter stangled the land as a pearly moon occupied the azure;the porcelain pillowcases which once suspended over the opalescent blanket were now being engulfed by a malevolent force, erecting utmost darkness:an inky,bleak,dismal infusion of misery. There was no escape. The once iridescent streaks of magenta that grew and shrunk at dusk,a painting judiciously crafted by nature, had been replaced by its terrorising sibling-darkness. I watched as nature fell submissive to this omnipotent ebony nightmare

The treacherous hissing returned. It Subtly staggered towards my bleak trajectory, simultaneously, he conjured a cold fire of wind fused with water in its most artistic form,snow. The blizzard accumulated monstrous force as it melted every ounce of hope residing within me. Savagely and intensely,he bolted around the ice kissed air with immense determination,I observed as all visible elements merged like an orchestra, yet creating a deafening symphony.
:h:opeless, shivering; solitary. Startling noises pierced through my ears. The dreadful hissing dared not to stop. It kept going and going and going.
Deafening, screeching; agonising. No sign of discontinuing

Decisively demonic,the soft knives of ice suspended in the air brutally sliced through a distant snow figure,again and again and again. Merciless. The snow man stared at me with fear- stricken eyes,mouthing ‘help us out!’. I saw my reflection in its eyes,hopeless,shivered and solitary. We both remained. The omnipotent force had mercilessly squeezed every ounce of life which had ever existed-even those crafted by our imaginations. It was as if he was the devil,transcending through every form of life,spewing torment.

Steadily,the force diminished back to a vexing hiss,however,this time accompanied by a stale stench of demise and decay. The once aromatic,enticing smell of midsummer was eradicated. Forgotten. The potent,foul reek of death was victorious. Hopeless, shivered and solitary I remained.

The ear-wrenching noises continued, no ere of stopping. Hopeless, shivering; solitary. That's what I was and there was no end in sight.

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