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Could anyone give me feedback and an estimated grade ( English Lang)

So this is question 2 and 4 of the English Language paper 1 November 2018 AQA exam. If anyone could give me a predicted mark and any feedback id be very thankful. Not sure if this is useful to say but i want to get a grade 5/6 in my exam.
Question 2
Look box in detail at this extract, from lines 16 to 26 of the source:
It came on great oiled, resilient, striding legs. It towered thirty feet above half of the trees, a
great evil god, folding its delicate watchmaker’s claws close to its oily reptilian chest. Each
lower leg was a piston, a thousand pounds of white bone, sunk in thick ropes of muscle,
sheathed over in a gleam of pebbled skin like the armour of a terrible warrior. Each thigh
was a ton of meat, ivory, and steel mesh. And from the great breathing cage of the upper
body those two delicate arms dangled out front, arms with hands which might pick up and
examine men like toys, while the snake neck coiled. And the head itself, a ton of sculptured
stone, lifted easily upon the sky. Its mouth gaped, exposing a fence of teeth like daggers.
Its eyes rolled, ostrich eggs, empty of all expression save hunger. It closed its mouth in a
death grin. It ran, its pelvic bones crushing aside trees and bushes, its taloned feet clawing
damp earth, leaving prints six inches deep wherever it settled its weight.
How does the writer use language here to describe the Tyrannosaurus Rex?
You could include the writer’s choice of:
words and phrases
language features and techniques
sentence forms
The writer describes the tyrannosaurus Rex as terrifying, “It towered thirty feet above half of the trees, a great evil god”. The writer uses the rule of three. The reason the writer uses this device is to really show the true threat of the tyrannosaurus Rex. Another reason the writer could have used the rule of three is to help the reader feel as if they are in the scene themselves. The adjectives “great” and “evil” help the reader understand the true threat of the monster.

Question 4
Focus box this part of your answer on the second part of the source, from line 31 to
the end.
A student said, ‘This part of the story, where the men encounter the
Tyrannosaurus Rex, shows Eckels is right to panic. The Monster is terrifying!’
To what extent do you agree?
In your response, you could:
consider your own impressions of Eckels’ reaction to the Tyrannosaurus Rex
evaluate how the writer describes the Monster
support your response with references to the text.

I completely agree with the statement.

The writer shows Eckles’ is right to panic, “The rifle in his hand seemed like a toy gun.”. The writer uses a simile here to show how useless a dangerous weapon was when coming up against such a beast. The writer uses the noun “Toy” to give the reader a better understanding of how the rifle seemed in that situation.

The writer makes it feel like the monster is terrifying by using a one word paragraph “He took a few steps, blinking, shuffling”. The use of a one word paragraph helps build tension and fear in the reader. A one word paragraph helps build tension and fear by making the reader hyperfixate on the one short sentence. The use of the verb “blinking” helps the reader feel more scared because it is obvious that he would be blinking but pointing out the fact helps build fear in the reader's mind.

Another way the author shows how terrifying the monster is, The tyrant Lizard raised itself. Its armoured flesh glittered like a thousand green coins.”. The writer used a short sentence to build terror in the reader. The short sentence was impactful because the writer only said very few words but each one made the tyrannosaurus Rex feel terrifying. The adjective “Tyrant” also helps build fear in the reader because the word is a word that is often used when describing scary things.
2) I would give this 4/8 as you’ve successfully commented on all AOs. To improve I would suggest using a more structured paragraph. First point (Trex is scary) then quotation (embedded if you can) then language analysis (rule of three/triplet/tricolon) then effect on the reader (involved in the scene). You need to write more, I’ve given you this mark generously on the assumption you could have written more like this in the time, you would need 2 or maybe 3 of these in order to get a strong mark.
4) 13/20, again you need to improve your structure and extend your responses somewhat. First sentence- point, second sentence- embedded quotation, a few sentences on language, structure, tone etc, final sentence on effect of the reader. Excellent job on linking to the question and picking strong quotations to analyse and finding their techniques, you clearly have a good understanding of the text which is really impressive you just need to improve how you convey these ideas to pick up marks- it was very clear from your response that you have plenty of good ideas, they just need to be presented in a way to get more marks.
Hope this helps and sorry for the terrible SPaG in my response I’ve only just woken up!

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