I'm a girl wanting to be a boy, but I'm not trans??

1

I'm thirteen years old, in my early years of highschool and about 4 years ago I started going through puberty. I was fine with it at first but about 2 years later when my body began to start changing, I hated it. I didn't mind my first period but like any other woman I now hate them. A few months ago, I met my now girlfriend. I was confused on who I was and my sexuality so I persuaded myself that I was lesbian. About half an hour ago, she asked me why I'd started acting more male and asked if I was trans. I explained to her how I'd been feeling about my gender for many years and she has now began referring to me as a male. My only problem is that I don't want to tell my family I'm trans because when I told some of them I was supposedly lesbian they told me it was just a phase? Now I'm very confused on who I am, my gender, and my sexuality. I don't know what to class myself as or what pronouns I'd like people to use. I'm scared of people bullying me for wanting to be a male and treating me differently. I also do now want the extra label. I'm worried on what my parents and family will think of me and if they too will treat me any different. The first time I told my mom I didn't feel very feminine she told me she'd get rid of everything that helped a female like pads for periods, some of my skincare routine stuff and even some jewellery that was given as a gift for my achievements like my first holy communion. My dad is a very aggressive person and we don't get along very well whilst my step mum and I do get along, she accepted me as a lesbian and I don't really want to say I want to be a male and think in trans to her all of a sudden. Her parents are very religious aswell. I don't know what to do and I just need some advice.

Reply 1

Humphrey's_Head

3

You don't need to tell your parents or anyone until you're ready and feel safe to do so! Don't tell your parents if it might put you in danger in any way. You can come out whenever you feel like you want to on your own terms. About being scared is okay! There are horrible transphobic people and maybe people might treat you differently- hence what I said before really about safety etc.
You don't need labels if you feel uncomfortable with them- it's okay to be confused. It's hard, life is fluid so sometimes things change. Gender doesn't always have to align with your behaviour! If it's overwhelming for you, try not to think about it too much- you could try to do some research, talk on Reddits with other trans people or watch YouTube videos- they helped a lot for my understanding.
You can try to experiment if you want with labels to see what you're comfortable with- it's good to talk about this to your girlfriend if you want as she seems accepting. This is a more social aspect of maybe how you'd want people to perceive you, do you want people to think you're a boy? You could also possibly identify with being trans-masc? So being masculine in short I think.
I hope I'm not overwhelming you with all my rambling! Just to let you know: you're loved, valid and accepted! It's a journey to find yourself and sometimes it just happens!- I hope you are able to find peace with yourself <3 You can always message me if you need someone to talk to, though I'm not an expert 😂 Sorry if this doesn't make sense if anyone sees this comment, let me know if anything I said is not right or misleading!

Reply 2

Humphrey's_Head

3

Original post by Humphrey's_Head

You don't need to tell your parents or anyone until you're ready and feel safe to do so! Don't tell your parents if it might put you in danger in any way. You can come out whenever you feel like you want to on your own terms. About being scared is okay! There are horrible transphobic people and maybe people might treat you differently- hence what I said before really about safety etc.
You don't need labels if you feel uncomfortable with them- it's okay to be confused. It's hard, life is fluid so sometimes things change. Gender doesn't always have to align with your behaviour! If it's overwhelming for you, try not to think about it too much- you could try to do some research, talk on Reddits with other trans people or watch YouTube videos- they helped a lot for my understanding.
You can try to experiment if you want with labels to see what you're comfortable with- it's good to talk about this to your girlfriend if you want as she seems accepting. This is a more social aspect of maybe how you'd want people to perceive you, do you want people to think you're a boy? You could also possibly identify with being trans-masc? So being masculine in short I think.
I hope I'm not overwhelming you with all my rambling! Just to let you know: you're loved, valid and accepted! It's a journey to find yourself and sometimes it just happens!- I hope you are able to find peace with yourself <3 You can always message me if you need someone to talk to, though I'm not an expert 😂 Sorry if this doesn't make sense if anyone sees this comment, let me know if anything I said is not right or misleading!

omg that was not meant to be that emoji it was like this : ' )

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Don't put undue pressure on yourself to KNOW what gender you are and what your identity is - although it can feel very stressful to be figuring things out! It's perfectly fine to explore and be unsure, be patient with yourself. If it turns out you're cis, that's great as it eliminates a lot of added hassle. If you realise you're trans, that's also great because there's nothing wrong with being trans. Yes, coming out is a terrifying concept and I'm so sorry to hear about some of your family being terrible about your gender/sexuality. Remember that you have no obligation to come out to them, especially if they have made it clear that they're not supportive. About your gf, if you're not ready to be referred to with male pronouns, etc., let your gf know and gently remind her to respect your boundaries. She may mean well but if you're not ready, you're not ready.

But in summary, this is about you! Questioning your gender is hella stressful and before worrying about other people, take all the time you need to work through things yourself.

No one can tell you whether you're trans or not. Only you can know that for sure. It took me three years (and subconsciously, most of my life) to get to grips with the fact that I was trans and it felt like AGES then, but looking back, it all happened so fast. Good luck with your journey and if you've got any questions or things you want to talk about, I'll get back to you on this thread :smile:

I'm a girl wanting to be a boy, but I'm not trans??

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