The Student Room Group

My girl doesn’t like my mum/family

Hey guys, I am a 20 year old female and my girl is also 20.
We both live with our mums and siblings. Her siblings are grown men 25+ and my siblings are young, 7 and 1.

Long story short I’ve been with her for 5months we’re not in a relationship as of yet but we plan to be soon.
We’ve known each other for about 7 years previously.

At first she was cool with my mum but as time went on, the more she was around my mum she started disliking her and complaining about a lot of things she does.
One of the things she complains about is the fact that my mum shouts at me and sends me to buy things for the house quite often things like these make her get defensive for me and i understand why because she loves me. But i tell her that I don’t mind helping out my mum because i want to, and as for the shouting i can deal with as that is just how my mum is.
Sometimes she says that I don’t stand up for myself or her when she hears my mum complaining about us but i do though, maybe not to her satisfaction, and when i defend my mum she’s getting angry.
As time has gone by she has gotten really comfortable with talking about my mum disrespectfully and that’s my fault because I’ve let her think that it’s okay and not corrected her enough. If i was to ever say anything disrespectful about her mum she would get onto me real quick but thinks its ok to do to me.

She also moves weird when it comes to my little sister and my sister can sense her energy and acts uncomfortable around my girl which I don’t like for us.

I just feel like she is trying to pull me away from my family and have me all to herself when i want my family as well.
I honestly don’t know what to do with this situation any help?
Reply 1
Trust your gut. It’s already telling you there are red flags here. I think you’ve described behaviour that most people would regard as controlling.
Regardless of your relationship with your mum - she shouldn't be disrespectful of that - it feels as if she is nit-picking the relationship with your mum and the way she is towards your little sister does say A LOT about her character as a person, this will only get worse. Your conclusion sounds correct and it seems as though she is lowkey comparing you to her own siblings that maybe aren't as involved as you are in your family life really - looks like she's not used to seeing stuff like helping family out growing up. Her hypocrisy doesn't help either and it just sounds crazy that she's being like this when you guys aren't even official yet. At the end of the day it's your choice what you want to do, but personally I wouldn't want to keep someone around that badmouths my family when my family have done nothing towards them.
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
Regardless of your relationship with your mum - she shouldn't be disrespectful of that - it feels as if she is nit-picking the relationship with your mum and the way she is towards your little sister does say A LOT about her character as a person, this will only get worse. Your conclusion sounds correct and it seems as though she is lowkey comparing you to her own siblings that maybe aren't as involved as you are in your family life really - looks like she's not used to seeing stuff like helping family out growing up. Her hypocrisy doesn't help either and it just sounds crazy that she's being like this when you guys aren't even official yet. At the end of the day it's your choice what you want to do, but personally I wouldn't want to keep someone around that badmouths my family when my family have done nothing towards them.

💯%

Quick Reply