The Student Room Group

Getting told to F off ? All right to walk out

So me and my bf was having a lovely day in the sun and for lunch. Me and my bf got into an argument over silly petty thing ( I can’t even fully remember what it was ) and then he got so defensive and raised his voice and swore while he was speaking then told me to fuxk offf. This happened when we was in the car , then I needed to go Tesco and he stopped and said are u going and then I ignored him because how dare he speak to me the way he did and then he kissed his teeth and drove on to his house. Once we got into his house he asked if I was alright but by this time I had already been shut down and spoken to disgustingly. I waited for a train and left without him knowing. I’m crying on a train.

Is this fair enough for me to leave. I usually stay the entire weekend. My mum is now going to ask me why I came back and assume something bad. I’m 25 he’s 34
Reply 1
Telling your partner to f off is pretty strong so I’m with you for being upset. Although it does seem he might have been feeling some remorse and hoping to put things right. The age gap is a bit borderline, if you’re not sure about the relationship I’d stand your ground and kick him in to touch. Hopefully your Mum will give you some support
(edited 2 months ago)
Original post by Anonymous
So me and my bf was having a lovely day in the sun and for lunch. Me and my bf got into an argument over silly petty thing ( I can’t even fully remember what it was ) and then he got so defensive and raised his voice and swore while he was speaking then told me to fuxk offf. This happened when we was in the car , then I needed to go Tesco and he stopped and said are u going and then I ignored him because how dare he speak to me the way he did and then he kissed his teeth and drove on to his house. Once we got into his house he asked if I was alright but by this time I had already been shut down and spoken to disgustingly. I waited for a train and left without him knowing. I’m crying on a train.
Is this fair enough for me to leave. I usually stay the entire weekend. My mum is now going to ask me why I came back and assume something bad. I’m 25 he’s 34

You are 100% in the right and it is your older Boyfriend who needs to look at his attitude problem. My god, 34 is a Man,but he is like a Teenager,lol.
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
So me and my bf was having a lovely day in the sun and for lunch. Me and my bf got into an argument over silly petty thing ( I can’t even fully remember what it was ) and then he got so defensive and raised his voice and swore while he was speaking then told me to fuxk offf. This happened when we was in the car , then I needed to go Tesco and he stopped and said are u going and then I ignored him because how dare he speak to me the way he did and then he kissed his teeth and drove on to his house. Once we got into his house he asked if I was alright but by this time I had already been shut down and spoken to disgustingly. I waited for a train and left without him knowing. I’m crying on a train.
Is this fair enough for me to leave. I usually stay the entire weekend. My mum is now going to ask me why I came back and assume something bad. I’m 25 he’s 34

It depends on the context of your relationship. If he frequently speaks to you like this, that's definitely an issue you should be concerned about, but in the heat of the moment we can all say things we don't mean sometimes. The fact that he spoke to you like this during a petty argument rather than a serious one does indicate an attitude problem. After he calmed down he also should have immediately apologised to you and you both should have talked it through rather than just saying 'are you alright' and pretending that nothing happened. If this is a symptom of a more general recurring problem within your relationship, I would say you're within your rights to leave (why would you stay in any relationship you're not happy with?). However, if this was out of character for him, it's worth having a conversation with him and seeing if you can work things out.
Reply 4
Original post by MJ1148
It depends on the context of your relationship. If he frequently speaks to you like this, that's definitely an issue you should be concerned about, but in the heat of the moment we can all say things we don't mean sometimes. The fact that he spoke to you like this during a petty argument rather than a serious one does indicate an attitude problem. After he calmed down he also should have immediately apologised to you and you both should have talked it through rather than just saying 'are you alright' and pretending that nothing happened. If this is a symptom of a more general recurring problem within your relationship, I would say you're within your rights to leave (why would you stay in any relationship you're not happy with?). However, if this was out of character for him, it's worth having a conversation with him and seeing if you can work things out.

Hi, he doesn’t speak to me like this maybe twice before we’ve been together 3 years. I messaged him and told him I’m done with him out of anger and blocked him off and social media and how I lost respect for him after he spoke to me and he just said ok. The day before he messaged apologising and called me multiple times but I ignored it. I’ve now blocked him off everywhere because he messaged back saying ok which I found very unapologetic. I now regret blocking him off everywhere but then I cannot be spoken to the way I was it really effected me and triggered old abusive relationships
Original post by Anonymous
Hi, he doesn’t speak to me like this maybe twice before we’ve been together 3 years. I messaged him and told him I’m done with him out of anger and blocked him off and social media and how I lost respect for him after he spoke to me and he just said ok. The day before he messaged apologising and called me multiple times but I ignored it. I’ve now blocked him off everywhere because he messaged back saying ok which I found very unapologetic. I now regret blocking him off everywhere but then I cannot be spoken to the way I was it really effected me and triggered old abusive relationships

Look, I think you are doing to the right thing. I just keep reminding myself, HE is 34 years old. I am bit older than that. I had been working for 19 years by that age (yes seriously !!) . If he is like,as you say ,and I believe you, an iditot at 34 then he is never going to change. That IS him. I know ladies in abusive relationships often seem to attract the type of insecure a-holes who like to control because of their own insecurity . I would find yourself a real man who cares for you and looks after you decently.
I can't really judge without hearing the whole argument, all we're getting told is 1 line. 2 sides to every story and all that.

I'm not saying being told to F off is nice, but it's not really the same as directly insulting you, I think you can only get so offended. You told the guy he's dumped but it seems you were still fishing for apologies? how surprised can you really be he said ok and let it go?
Reply 7
Original post by StriderHort
I can't really judge without hearing the whole argument, all we're getting told is 1 line. 2 sides to every story and all that.
I'm not saying being told to F off is nice, but it's not really the same as directly insulting you, I think you can only get so offended. You told the guy he's dumped but it seems you were still fishing for apologies? how surprised can you really be he said ok and let it go?

I mean after 3 years if your gf feels disrespected and would rather leave because you didn’t properly apologise how is she in the wrong. I had to physically message him what he did for him to said ‘sorry’
Reply 8
Original post by StriderHort
I can't really judge without hearing the whole argument, all we're getting told is 1 line. 2 sides to every story and all that.
I'm not saying being told to F off is nice, but it's not really the same as directly insulting you, I think you can only get so offended. You told the guy he's dumped but it seems you were still fishing for apologies? how surprised can you really be he said ok and let it go?

Honestly I just asked him something on his phone he sent to his friend snd I said as a joke are you gay and he went crazy shouting in my face telling me to mind my f business how I shouldn**** off. Bare in mind 2 minutes before we was normal
Reply 9
Original post by Anonymous
Hi, he doesn’t speak to me like this maybe twice before we’ve been together 3 years. I messaged him and told him I’m done with him out of anger and blocked him off and social media and how I lost respect for him after he spoke to me and he just said ok. The day before he messaged apologising and called me multiple times but I ignored it. I’ve now blocked him off everywhere because he messaged back saying ok which I found very unapologetic. I now regret blocking him off everywhere but then I cannot be spoken to the way I was it really effected me and triggered old abusive relationships



Original post by Anonymous
Honestly I just asked him something on his phone he sent to his friend snd I said as a joke are you gay and he went crazy shouting in my face telling me to mind my f business how I shouldn**** off. Bare in mind 2 minutes before we was normal

God, how childish of him. He sounds incredibly insecure, and for a 34 year old man? Stand your ground and keep him blocked girl, you will find someone so much better.

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