The Student Room Group

i lied to my boyfriend of 8 months about my age

i had told him from the beginning of the relationship that i was 17 turning 18 in june. he is 18 turning 19 in august..
i am out of school, i have been working a full time job since i was 15 as a personal trainer. - i get mistaken for someone in their 20s because of my maturity levels.
it was only a few days ago when i came clean as said i was 17 in a month, not 18..
the age gap is a fair call, and he is mostly upset about the lying.. he broke up with me as soon as he found out and after numerous apologies - he is saying he needs a few days to think about it.

he loved me, will there be any chance to redeem myself?
(edited 1 month ago)
Really just depends on whether he sees the relationship as something worth pursuing after being lied to. The situation is no longer in your hands unless you have a genuine reason as to why you lied, but again he doesn’t have to accept it
Original post by miamee
i had told him from the beginning of the relationship that i was 17 turning 18 in june. he is 18 turning 19 in august..
it was only a few days ago when i came clean as said i was 17 in a month, not 18..
the age gap is a fair call, and he is mostly upset about the lying.. he broke up with me as soon as he found out and after numerous apologies - he is saying he needs a few days to think about it.
he loved me, will there be any chance to redeem myself?

ur cooked mate
You shouldn't lie to somebody you love that's disloyalty. I do understand though, if you had genuine reasons for doing so, but if not then you should prepare for the worst and move on. If you didn't have a good enough reason for lying it'd be best to move on straight away, unless he wants you back then you have your chance at redemption so that you don't deceive again.
Original post by miamee
i had told him from the beginning of the relationship that i was 17 turning 18 in june. he is 18 turning 19 in august..
it was only a few days ago when i came clean as said i was 17 in a month, not 18..
the age gap is a fair call, and he is mostly upset about the lying.. he broke up with me as soon as he found out and after numerous apologies - he is saying he needs a few days to think about it.
he loved me, will there be any chance to redeem myself?

Lol you spoke bs about your age why didn’t you straight up tell him the truth petty yet pathetic. The only way to redeem yourself is to never lie about your age again and to quit the disloyalty and be honest.
(edited 1 month ago)
Reply 5
Original post by Mohammed_2000
Lol you spoke bs about your age why didn’t you straight up tell him the truth petty yet pathetic

yeah of course, the entire relationship was based on a lie somewhat - i get where he's coming from.. there was numerous reasons why.
I imagine he was upset to find he was tricked into dating an immature GCSE student lying about their age. So fair enough.

Maybe try the dating thing again in a couple years when you've matured a little.
Original post by miamee
yeah of course, the entire relationship was based on a lie somewhat - i get where he's coming from.. there was numerous reasons why.

Numerous reasons to what having to lie…?
Original post by artful_lounger
I imagine he was upset to find he was tricked into dating an immature GCSE student lying about their age. So fair enough.
Maybe try the dating thing again in a couple years when you've matured a little.

Probably doesn’t trust the OP
Reply 9
Original post by artful_lounger
I imagine he was upset to find he was tricked into dating an immature GCSE student lying about their age. So fair enough.
Maybe try the dating thing again in a couple years when you've matured a little.

i have no clue as to what a GCSE is.. i'm an australian hahaha - i'm out of school
Original post by naadirqazi
ur cooked mate

LOL
Original post by miamee
i had told him from the beginning of the relationship that i was 17 turning 18 in june. he is 18 turning 19 in august..
i am out of school, i have been working a full time job since i was 15 as a personal trainer. - i get mistaken for someone in their 20s because of my maturity levels.
it was only a few days ago when i came clean as said i was 17 in a month, not 18..
the age gap is a fair call, and he is mostly upset about the lying.. he broke up with me as soon as he found out and after numerous apologies - he is saying he needs a few days to think about it.
he loved me, will there be any chance to redeem myself?

Why would you even lie about that in the 1st place
Reply 12
Original post by cicicicicicicici
Why would you even lie about that in the 1st place

dude **** knows, i was obviously insecure about it and didn't want to be seen any differently. when i had the option to come clean, i was in too deep and wasn't prepared to lose him
Sorry gal but that was a really dumb thing to do honestly. Of all the things to pick to lie about age is one that is set in stone - you can't change it and I don't know how you thought he wouldn't find out at some point. Wait and find out how he feels, i'm guessing it's making him think 'if she's lied about something as basic as her age then what else is she lying about?', however, it's not like you did some major cheating or something - we've all done idiotic stuff as teens. If he comes round? - great; if not? - move on and try not to be so irresponsible/deceitful in future
Reply 14
Original post by Anonymous
Sorry gal but that was a really dumb thing to do honestly. Of all the things to pick to lie about age is one that is set in stone - you can't change it and I don't know how you thought he wouldn't find out at some point. Wait and find out how he feels, i'm guessing it's making him think 'if she's lied about something as basic as her age then what else is she lying about?', however, it's not like you did some major cheating or something - we've all done idiotic stuff as teens. If he comes round? - great; if not? - move on and try not to be so irresponsible/deceitful in future

thank you for being so kind about it. yes, he feels uncomfortable with all the lying and the fact he had to dig to find it. he's upset our relationship was built on the fundamental lie of my age. he thinks he was dating a completely different person and it breaks me.
i've apologies numerous times, to his mum, best mate, brother, him and everyone i've come across while dating him.
i'm not sure how else to go about this - i'm so torn
Original post by miamee
dude **** knows, i was obviously insecure about it and didn't want to be seen any differently. when i had the option to come clean, i was in too deep and wasn't prepared to lose him

You're learning about men and relationships. That's great!

One lesson to learn is that you should ALWAYS be willing to walk away.
This will make you more attractive to the other person.
Because being needy, clingy, insecure is unattractive.
Setting standards and having the emotional strength to leave someone is attractive.
The best feeling in the world for the men in your life is that feeling they get when they're falling in love, and they think they've found a great woman and they feel like putting on their best behaviour in order to win you.


Original post by miamee
thank you for being so kind about it. yes, he feels uncomfortable with all the lying and the fact he had to dig to find it. he's upset our relationship was built on the fundamental lie of my age. he thinks he was dating a completely different person and it breaks me.
i've apologies numerous times, to his mum, best mate, brother, him and everyone i've come across while dating him.
i'm not sure how else to go about this - i'm so torn

Frame control.

Another lesson for you to learn.

Apologise 0 times or 1 time only for any lie that you say.
Own who and what you are. You're a lovely teenager with a tendency to automatically come out with lies as a self defence mechanism and as a way to get what you want.
If anyone's going to get high and mighty about your relatively harmless lies, then you should be questioning whether they're the sort of person you want to spend a lot of time with.

Your attitude on this, should be more one of "So I lied about my age? So what? Deal with it."
If someone goes on and on about any lie that you've said, then the issue is with them, not you.

With things like this, to a significant extent, they will pick up on your cue. If you make a big deal about your lie, they will pick up on this and will tend to make it a big deal too. If you make it no big deal, they are more likely to make it no big deal.

I think it's quite sweet and endearing that you lied about your age. And then came clean about it.

I can respect a liar. That sometimes comes clean about their lies.

I have less respect for hypocrites. The sort of people that get upset when other's lie.
And I have less respect for perfectionists. The sort of people that rarely lie themselves that lack empathy and understanding when other people lie.

And yes, of course you can turn things round. Dan Bacon has a whole series of videos on youtube on how to do exactly that.
Original post by miamee
dude **** knows, i was obviously insecure about it and didn't want to be seen any differently. when i had the option to come clean, i was in too deep and wasn't prepared to lose him

This. this is what you need to to explain to the boyfriend. You thought it would have an negative impact at the very start because you liked him and didnt want him to turn you down, and that is why you came clean now. Say you wanted to tell the truth from the very start, but you was insecure. you did the right thung though. it is better to say this now early on in the relationship, rather than it all come out when your living together/married/kids etc.
Original post by miamee
thank you for being so kind about it. yes, he feels uncomfortable with all the lying and the fact he had to dig to find it. he's upset our relationship was built on the fundamental lie of my age. he thinks he was dating a completely different person and it breaks me.
i've apologies numerous times, to his mum, best mate, brother, him and everyone i've come across while dating him.
i'm not sure how else to go about this - i'm so torn
The relationship was built on the fundamentals of being in a relationship. the laughs, the tears, the support, date nights, nice walks in the country, him saying you look nice etc etc. You have not changed as a person, you are you. And he is he. Yes it was a lie, but the relationship was not. What has happened between you has not all been in vain. and hopefully you can build on this and learn from it. So please reinforce that fact with him. And no more white lies if you want to earn his trust 🙂

I will tell you something, Same thing applies to me but different scenario. Hubby and me. I was 16 and he was 19. He knew. I was fine with the age difference, but he seemed to tell his parents and his brothers I was 18. Even he cant remember why he did that. I kept saying 'when are you going to tell your folks?' Well the lie continued.
For. 3.Years.
It only came out when we got engaged and they found out from my mates when we had a get together. His parents were ******. not happy shall we say. They were peeved at him because I, at 16 went along with it. I think he was just worried about me being 16 rather than the 3 year age gap. They eventually forgave him, and there was a couple of digs which became more of a 'family joke' about it all. I did get married to him and 27 year later were still here lol .

So Im telling you that because you did a good thing and come clean early. Not like my fella and me pmsl. So you did the right thing. Even if it doesnt work out, you have learned from all of this.
If you can lie about your age your partner may see you as untrustworthy because that’s not something to lie about . I hope everything turns out ok :smile:
Everyone makes mistakes here and there he should forgive you if you told him why you lied to him. You wouldn’t just lie? Maybe he didn’t love you as much as he claimed as he left so fast over one mistake.

Quick Reply

Latest

Trending

Trending