i lied to my boyfriend of 8 months about my age

You shouldn't lie to somebody you love that's disloyalty. I do understand though, if you had genuine reasons for doing so, but if not then you should prepare for the worst and move on. If you didn't have a good enough reason for lying it'd be best to move on straight away, unless he wants you back then you have your chance at redemption so that you don't deceive again.

Reply 4

Mohammed_2000

17

Original post by miamee

i had told him from the beginning of the relationship that i was 17 turning 18 in june. he is 18 turning 19 in august..
it was only a few days ago when i came clean as said i was 17 in a month, not 18..
the age gap is a fair call, and he is mostly upset about the lying.. he broke up with me as soon as he found out and after numerous apologies - he is saying he needs a few days to think about it.
he loved me, will there be any chance to redeem myself?

Lol you spoke bs about your age why didn’t you straight up tell him the truth petty yet pathetic. The only way to redeem yourself is to never lie about your age again and to quit the disloyalty and be honest.

(edited 11 months ago)

Reply 5

OP

Universities Forum Helper

Original post by Mohammed_2000

Lol you spoke bs about your age why didn’t you straight up tell him the truth petty yet pathetic

yeah of course, the entire relationship was based on a lie somewhat - i get where he's coming from.. there was numerous reasons why.

Reply 6

artful_lounger

I imagine he was upset to find he was tricked into dating an immature GCSE student lying about their age. So fair enough.

Maybe try the dating thing again in a couple years when you've matured a little.

Reply 7

Mohammed_2000

17

Original post by miamee

yeah of course, the entire relationship was based on a lie somewhat - i get where he's coming from.. there was numerous reasons why.

Numerous reasons to what having to lie…?

Reply 8

Mohammed_2000

17

Original post by artful_lounger

I imagine he was upset to find he was tricked into dating an immature GCSE student lying about their age. So fair enough.
Maybe try the dating thing again in a couple years when you've matured a little.

Probably doesn’t trust the OP

Reply 9

OP

Original post by artful_lounger

I imagine he was upset to find he was tricked into dating an immature GCSE student lying about their age. So fair enough.
Maybe try the dating thing again in a couple years when you've matured a little.

i have no clue as to what a GCSE is.. i'm an australian hahaha - i'm out of school

Reply 10

cicicicicicicici

9

Original post by naadirqazi

ur cooked mate

LOL

Reply 11

cicicicicicicici

9

Original post by miamee

i had told him from the beginning of the relationship that i was 17 turning 18 in june. he is 18 turning 19 in august..
i am out of school, i have been working a full time job since i was 15 as a personal trainer. - i get mistaken for someone in their 20s because of my maturity levels.
it was only a few days ago when i came clean as said i was 17 in a month, not 18..
the age gap is a fair call, and he is mostly upset about the lying.. he broke up with me as soon as he found out and after numerous apologies - he is saying he needs a few days to think about it.
he loved me, will there be any chance to redeem myself?

Why would you even lie about that in the 1st place

Reply 12

OP

Original post by cicicicicicicici

Why would you even lie about that in the 1st place

dude **** knows, i was obviously insecure about it and didn't want to be seen any differently. when i had the option to come clean, i was in too deep and wasn't prepared to lose him

Reply 13

Anonymous #2

Sorry gal but that was a really dumb thing to do honestly. Of all the things to pick to lie about age is one that is set in stone - you can't change it and I don't know how you thought he wouldn't find out at some point. Wait and find out how he feels, i'm guessing it's making him think 'if she's lied about something as basic as her age then what else is she lying about?', however, it's not like you did some major cheating or something - we've all done idiotic stuff as teens. If he comes round? - great; if not? - move on and try not to be so irresponsible/deceitful in future

Reply 14

OP

Original post by Anonymous

Sorry gal but that was a really dumb thing to do honestly. Of all the things to pick to lie about age is one that is set in stone - you can't change it and I don't know how you thought he wouldn't find out at some point. Wait and find out how he feels, i'm guessing it's making him think 'if she's lied about something as basic as her age then what else is she lying about?', however, it's not like you did some major cheating or something - we've all done idiotic stuff as teens. If he comes round? - great; if not? - move on and try not to be so irresponsible/deceitful in future

thank you for being so kind about it. yes, he feels uncomfortable with all the lying and the fact he had to dig to find it. he's upset our relationship was built on the fundamental lie of my age. he thinks he was dating a completely different person and it breaks me.
i've apologies numerous times, to his mum, best mate, brother, him and everyone i've come across while dating him.
i'm not sure how else to go about this - i'm so torn

Reply 15

Dunnig Kruger

18

Original post by miamee

dude **** knows, i was obviously insecure about it and didn't want to be seen any differently. when i had the option to come clean, i was in too deep and wasn't prepared to lose him

You're learning about men and relationships. That's great!

One lesson to learn is that you should ALWAYS be willing to walk away.
This will make you more attractive to the other person.
Because being needy, clingy, insecure is unattractive.
Setting standards and having the emotional strength to leave someone is attractive.
The best feeling in the world for the men in your life is that feeling they get when they're falling in love, and they think they've found a great woman and they feel like putting on their best behaviour in order to win you.

Original post by miamee

thank you for being so kind about it. yes, he feels uncomfortable with all the lying and the fact he had to dig to find it. he's upset our relationship was built on the fundamental lie of my age. he thinks he was dating a completely different person and it breaks me.
i've apologies numerous times, to his mum, best mate, brother, him and everyone i've come across while dating him.
i'm not sure how else to go about this - i'm so torn

Frame control.

Another lesson for you to learn.

Apologise 0 times or 1 time only for any lie that you say.
Own who and what you are. You're a lovely teenager with a tendency to automatically come out with lies as a self defence mechanism and as a way to get what you want.
If anyone's going to get high and mighty about your relatively harmless lies, then you should be questioning whether they're the sort of person you want to spend a lot of time with.

Your attitude on this, should be more one of "So I lied about my age? So what? Deal with it."
If someone goes on and on about any lie that you've said, then the issue is with them, not you.

With things like this, to a significant extent, they will pick up on your cue. If you make a big deal about your lie, they will pick up on this and will tend to make it a big deal too. If you make it no big deal, they are more likely to make it no big deal.

I think it's quite sweet and endearing that you lied about your age. And then came clean about it.

I can respect a liar. That sometimes comes clean about their lies.

I have less respect for hypocrites. The sort of people that get upset when other's lie.
And I have less respect for perfectionists. The sort of people that rarely lie themselves that lack empathy and understanding when other people lie.

And yes, of course you can turn things round. Dan Bacon has a whole series of videos on youtube on how to do exactly that.

Reply 16

Ghostlady

Original post by miamee

dude **** knows, i was obviously insecure about it and didn't want to be seen any differently. when i had the option to come clean, i was in too deep and wasn't prepared to lose him

This. this is what you need to to explain to the boyfriend. You thought it would have an negative impact at the very start because you liked him and didnt want him to turn you down, and that is why you came clean now. Say you wanted to tell the truth from the very start, but you was insecure. you did the right thung though. it is better to say this now early on in the relationship, rather than it all come out when your living together/married/kids etc.

Reply 17

Ghostlady